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This is not a normal episode. After a heartbreaking loss in the NTDS community, we’re going live to talk, listen, and try to make sense of something awful together.If you’re struggling or thinking about hurting yourself, call or text 988. It’s free, confidential, and available 24/7 in the U.S.

We brought in the spouses for this episode and within five minutes we were trying to launch a diabetic pee whiskey brand called “The Sweetness”From there, things somehow got worse.We talked about the Folsom Rodeo skydiver who almost got turned into a patriotic tent stake, Mikey’s deep hatred of birthday sombreros, and whether a UPS driver throwing a box at a charging dog is self-defense or proof that humanity peaked with caller ID.The confessions went from stolen doorknobs to a fake-burned-down Disneyland to butt douching, because the internet has given anonymity to exactly the people who should not have it. The Jenn still found time to make everyone guess whether strangers were siblings or dating, which is apparently a game and also a warning label. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast.👕 Buy a shirt so strangers know you make questionable entertainment choices on purpose: https://www.nottds.com/store/📩 Got a secret so stupid it deserves witnesses? Dump it anonymously and…

The whole gang is back, which means the episode immediately goes off the rails and never even pretends to recover.It starts with Patreon math, starving African podcasters, Fourth of July jello shots, and the uncomfortable realization that OnlyFans has better analytics than most businesses. Then Random Facts shows up and ruins everybody’s day with pearlfish living in sea cucumber butts, tapeworms growing 30 feet, itchy organs, sled dog mascara, and Aztec priests wearing human skin until it rotted off. Cute little family show.The Dammits also delivered. Snow White got exposed as a dwarf-house trespasser. Jesse called in about bowling (we think) and maybe peeing on a police station…. or a PlayStation. We’re not really sure. Then what’s Your Damn Problem hit us with a dying ex wanting one last weekend and a wife asking for an open marriage after her husband’s accident.WTF News brings us a pastor beating a guy’s ass, a missing giraffe, fentanyl “sugar,” and a White Claw truck cras…

We took a week off, came back with three hosts, and immediately started doing math on how this show costs about 75 cents an episode, which somehow turned into us being the cheapest whores in podcasting.Mikey went to San Francisco for his birthday, saw lowrider gangsters blasting Miley Cyrus like the founding fathers intended, and somehow came home angry about some lying table-stealing breakfast goblin at Hot Off The Griddle in Rocklin CA.Then Random Thoughts went completely off the rails with beavers, claptor, golden retrievers as middle management, Hitler as a gay panda, and the question of whether ghosts are dumb for hanging out in cemeteries.Ian also ranked his 90s crushes and you’ll never guess who number was 🙄Then the Damnits confessed to Lance Bass AOL catfishing, sauna cum vapor mythology, fake zebras, Scotland’s unicorn problem, and the kind of sex logic that makes you want to stare directly into the sun. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸👕 Buy the shirt before we c…

Ian ditched us for work, so Arnie States showed up, which immediately made the show feel like somebody handed the mic to a man banned from several Costcos.Stroke explained his Florida oyster pearl hustle like he’s running a seaside jewelry cartel, which somehow turned into “a pearl necklace from Stroke,” because this show has the maturity of a middle school locker room with Wi-Fi.Jess the song girl sent in a song about Mikey getting tea bagged …apparently this fanbase has lost all shame.Jenn showed up and explained why she was late: her kid got car sick on the way back from Santa Cruz and absolutely launched vomit all over the truck. Not a cute little kid puke either. We’re talking full projectile Exorcist situation.We breakdown why society got soft, from boneless wings to trigger warnings to people needing an app to remind them to drink water like endangered houseplants. And Jen brought back the prison dating game, where once again everyone made choices and immediately regr…

Stroke was out this episode, so we did the responsible thing and replaced him with Rick, our actual lawyer. Smart move, honestly, because this episode probably needs legal supervision.We started with a titties hat, then a dick hat, somehow invented “digital AIDS,” revisited the workplace phrase nobody should ever say out loud, and then took a hard turn into couples splitting bills 50/50. Joint accounts, separate accounts, who pays for dinner, who cleans the kitchen, who steals the money when everything goes sideways. Romance is beautiful, folks.Then Jenn gave us the news: China is allegedly using LinkedIn to fish for spies, a Florida grandma got arrested after falling for a fake Liam Neeson scam, Toronto has a beaver statue named Doug, and Joey Chestnut is apparently the Glizzy Guzzler now.After that, confessions got disgusting enough that Rick probably considered charging us by the hour.So here’s the question: should couples split everything 50/50, or is that fake fairness p…

Everybody’s barely here, everybody’s allegedly mad at everybody, Stroke is late, Ian has to leave, and somehow that still counts as a functioning podcast… because standards are dead.We’ve FINALLY got the June shirt of the month (Everything is Fake and Gay) Mikey is throwing a party at the Boardwalk Fourth of July weekend, Jenn starts wondering if she’s in menopause.an trying to start his new apartment life by getting rejected in a model unit like a horny real estate goblin.Listener comments somehow drag us through Japan school trips, Spanish Spotify ads, unpaid traffic tickets, and the eternal question: is a short guy’s dating problem solved by muscles and a motorcycle?Then Digital Dick of the Week becomes an actual moral crisis. One guy steals cigarettes from Wawa and leaves his wallet behind. Another guy allegedly pulls a gun on a coworker over microwaved fish. We’re not lawyers, but we are people with noses.Stroke shows up just in time to bring Florida’s finest: a…

This episode started with a simple relationship question and somehow ended with cousin confessions and discussions about butthole licking.The big debate: if someone ghosts you after three months, are they responsible when you completely lose your mind afterward?The jury was divided.We also discovered that Florida's most misspelled word is apparently "school," held a spelling bee for grown adults, argued about Michael Jordan vs Wayne Gretzky, and learned that some people are allergic to their own orgasms.Then Ian delivered what may be one of the greatest stories in show history: a desperate sprint through Best Buy while trying not to become permanently known as "The Best Buy Pooper."The confessions were somehow even worse with hotel squatters, cousin crushes. porta-potty enthusiasts and paid wedgies.Humanity remains undefeated.Welcome to Americas Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸👕Your wardrobe looks weak and you know it. Fix the problem before strangers assume you're responsib…

This episode started with Jenn disappearing before showtime and somehow got worse from there.Stroke introduced a song called Don't Put Bananas In My Butt, which immediately destroyed whatever credibility we had left. Then we stumbled onto a Florida music festival charging $34 for a turkey leg and spent the next twenty minutes trying to figure out whether that counts as theft.We also uncovered America's forgotten government cheese mountain, discussed New Jersey's weird gas-pumping laws, debated speed cameras, and learned there's apparently a luxury anti-aging cream designed specifically for your penis.No, that's not a joke.By the end of the episode we’ve talked about ringworm throats, pledge allegiance controversies, and whether Thomas Jefferson would've simply canceled America if he saw what the internet has become.If you've ever wondered what happens when three dudes start with a simple conversation and end up discussing anti-aging dick lotion, this one's for you.We…

Where’s Stroke? We don’t know so naturally we got into an unnecessarily long discussion about AI gender swaps, lesbian filters, whale sperm perfume, and whether a grown man deserves five million dollars because a cruise ship deck was hot in Florida.We listen to voicemails, read your comments and check Craigslist where we find twinks and pregnant pillow princesses. There’s also a guy using AI to fake Uber damage photos, another guy smearing s*it all over someone’s house, and a woman beating a cheating man with an entire tree branch while we cheer like it’s WrestleMania. Somehow we invented a new game based on horrible real-life FML stories and prove once again that humanity was probably a mistake. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸👕 Wear something from the store so strangers immediately know not to ask you for directions or emotional support. https://www.nottds.com/store 📩 Your secrets are already ruining your life anyway. Might as well let us read them out loud …

After taking a week off, the gang comes back like four exhausted mall cops trying to process a world where people are emotionally cheating with AI girlfriends.In this episode of Not That Damn Show a lawyer got caught doing deeply illegal things with the family dog, and somebody in Florida almost burned down an apartment over missing apple slices. Ian launches into a full boomer meltdown over paper McFlurry cups and disappearing ketchup dispensers while Mikey casually explains there are apparently alien races living underground.Jenn warns us about Ebola patients running loose in the Congo and everybody accidentally creates the world’s worst conversation about train sex. Also, somebody genuinely asked us to bring beat “Brat Strokes C*ock” … which is 100% NOT the name of the game.Humanity may actually be cooked. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸This episode of NOT That Damn Show is sponsored by MoreLabs.com (http://MoreLabs.com) Whether you survived Memori…

We’re off this week, so we dug through the NTDS vault and pulled out one of the most catastrophically stupid games we’ve ever played.Jen brought in inmate dating profiles and forced us to blindly pick our ideal prison soulmate without seeing pictures first. Which somehow turned into four grown adults profiling criminals based on hobbies, grammar, HVAC certifications, and whether somebody watches SpongeBob.At one point Ian confidently explains why “Nikita” can’t possibly be a real woman’s name. Meanwhile Stroke spends the entire game desperately trying not to accidentally pick another transgender inmate……and immediately picks another transgender inmate. Again.Honestly the reveal at the end might be one of the hardest laughs we’ve had on this show in months.If you missed this segment the first time around, congratulations. You now get to experience the full secondhand embarrassment fresh.👕 Your current wardrobe says “I probably lose prison dating games.” Fix your life …

We’re off this week, so we dug through the NTDS vault and pulled out one of the most catastrophically stupid games we’ve ever played.Jen brought in inmate dating profiles and forced us to blindly pick our ideal prison soulmate without seeing pictures first. Which somehow turned into four grown adults profiling criminals based on hobbies, grammar, HVAC certifications, and whether somebody watches SpongeBob.At one point Ian confidently explains why “Nikita” can’t possibly be a real woman’s name. Meanwhile Stroke spends the entire game desperately trying not to accidentally pick another transgender inmate……and immediately picks another transgender inmate. Again.Honestly the reveal at the end might be one of the hardest laughs we’ve had on this show in months.If you missed this segment the first time around, congratulations. You now get to experience the full secondhand embarrassment fresh.👕 Your current wardrobe says “I probably lose prison dating games.”Fix your life immediate…

Since we’re off this week, we figured it was the perfect time to revisit one of the dumbest things this show has ever done: reading viral BookTok smut novels out loud like emotionally damaged audiobook actors. What started as “this should be funny” immediately turned into phrases like “wet slabs,” “intimate muscles,” and multiple conversations nobody wanted to have about fingers in asses.Also, somebody needs to explain why these books all have cute Disney Channel covers while hiding absolute psychological warfare inside. If you missed this disaster the first time, congratulations. Your suffering starts now. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast.Listen here or Check out the FREE video on YoutubeProbably don’t play it near children. Or church people.👕 Your wardrobe looks weak and emotionally unsupported. Fix it. Grab the gear before Ian spends the merch budget on another pointless hobby: https://www.nottds.com/store/📩 Got a confession that would ruin Thanksgiving din…

Since we’re off this week, we figured it was the perfect time to revisit one of the dumbest things this show has ever done: reading viral BookTok smut novels out loud like emotionally damaged audiobook actors. What started as “this should be funny” immediately turned into phrases like “wet slabs,” “intimate muscles,” and multiple conversations nobody wanted to have about fingers in asses.Also, somebody needs to explain why these books all have cute Disney Channel covers while hiding absolute psychological warfare inside. If you missed this disaster the first time, congratulations. Your suffering starts now. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast.Listen here or Check out the FREE video on YoutubeProbably don’t play it near children. Or church people.👕 Your wardrobe looks weak and emotionally unsupported. Fix it. Grab the gear before Ian spends the merch budget on another pointless hobby: https://www.nottds.com/store/📩 Got a confession that would ruin Thanksgiving dinner ins…

This episode of Not That Damn Show somehow starts with dead bodies getting goosebumps and ends with a grown man explaining why he refuses to eat “BBL ass” like he’s delivering a TED Talk from a gas station parking lot. The gang falls down rabbit holes involving church fights, giraffes tasting piss, Pornhub page 448, HOA snitches losing their minds over Govee lights, and a law student secretly filming people in a bathroom because apparently society is hanging together with duct tape and and toothpicks from Dollar Tree. Then things completely collapse during Digital Dump with a dude yelling “hemo-sacial,” a fake vodka prank involving a dildo, and one of the creepiest cat-feeding videos ever uploaded to the internet. The making of a serial killer.Somewhere in the middle of all this, Stroke prepares for graduation while everyone else questions whether humanity should even continue unsupervised. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸👕 Your friends are annoying. Your coworke…

This week starts with Mikey accidentally turning NOT TDS into Pornhub Lite after trying to monetize the website and immediately getting greeted by a giant vagina and a “girl 3 miles away wants to fuck” popup. Stroke’s getting his master’s degree while simultaneously questioning whether touring Thomas Jefferson’s slave mansion makes him racist by association. Jenn gets “higher than giraffe pussy” off a Mother’s Day gummy while watching Sally Field movies, and Ian nearly declares war on a couple camping in his restaurant booth for four hours over a few PBRs and six-dollar tip money. Then somehow the show spirals into awkward human interactions, slime-covered birthday disasters, getting hit by cars, and a full James Brown-style diss track called “Punk Ass Bitch” aimed directly at Ian’s couch mic and personality. Humanity may be cooked, but at least you’re not the guy accidentally running porn ads on a comedy podcast website. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸This e…

Look, if you came here for a healthy, emotionally mature show, you absolutely clicked the wrong thing. We start with breaking “news” about Jeffrey Epstein’s suicide note like Mikey is CNN, then immediately derail into roasting Ian’s $20 couch mic until he straight-up disappears from the show like a pissed-off lesbian Bigfoot. From there it somehow turns into dragonflies jetting water out of their asses, and a very real discussion on how your partner’s nut allergy can actually kill them via, uh… extracurricular activities. We get voicemails about poop semantics, hair-based crime strategies, and confessions about whether body shots count as cheating if your junk is “in the zip code,” and then wrap it all in Florida stories featuring church bathroom creepers, coked-up fire chiefs, and a guy stealing a car just to drive it to the cops. Also, someone confesses they have a huge crush on Jenn while she murders a spider live on camera, because of course she does. Welcome to Americ…

Every single time dolphins come up… this is where the conversation ends up 🐬 New episodes of Not That Damn Show drop every Tuesday and Thursday on all podcast platforms. #podcastclips #darkhumor #funnyclip #NTDS #notthatdamnshow

The show finally has ads, which means some poor brand may now be sponsoring a conversation about balloon fetishes, dolphin crimes, and whether being “shark-fucking rich” is the financial danger zone. Mikey’s trying to sell everyone on the uncensored Patreon while also trying to get Stroke a new liver and maybe a sponsorship from those “we totally prevent hangovers, we swear” pregame shots. Jenn gets everybody caught up on Spirit Airlines collapsing, a cartoonishly large cocaine bust, and a cruise ship virus that sounds like it came from rodent piss hell. Then “Rick In The Law” Shows up to explain contracts, viral videos, refund policies, stolen business ideas, class actions, jury duty, and why Ian should never be anyone’s lawyer unless the goal is prison with extra steps. Somehow Nickelback, Barney Spanish, Papa John’s wax face and racist pizza, and for some reason butthole mechanics make it into the official record. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸👕 If you wa…

Stroke has a liver appointment coming up, so naturally the show turns into a practice psychological evaluation led by people who should not be allowed near medical paperwork.Somehow that becomes a ride through deer murders, polar bear liver poison, gerbil erection math, Bob Ross hair fraud, and whether $100 million is worth being hunted forever by a death snail.Then the Dammits bring problems involving blackout best friends trying to kiss boyfriends and landlords knocking at 9 p.m. like every true crime podcast warning sign learned to text.By the end, there’s Costco violence, Dollar General robberies, credit card scams, ghost tapping, and the phrase “ghost dick,” because society had a good run and now this is where we are.Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸Win tickets to see Arnie States Live at The boardwalk May 23rd - https://urli.info/1u14G👕 If you like hearing about polar bear livers and Stroke’s black-market organ journey, the least you can d…

Jenn shows up half-poisoned by Popeyes and somehow that just turns into a full forensic breakdown of every fried chicken chain from KFC to shady gas station Dodges where dudes threaten to “shoot your ass” on the phone next to the heat lamp drumsticks.Stroke gives a real update on his liver situation, which somehow turns into merch ideas, Stroke Aid, fake proposals for free dessert, and whether he should wear his graduation gown for six months. There’s also a cocaine-covered karaoke woman, a clothespin fetish mystery, kids running into traffic, nukes, dogs dying, and a surprisingly long investigation into when men are allowed to cry. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸Go here to win Arnie States Tickets https://rb.gy/799rqn Vote for Ian https://shorturl.at/Jbz9Z 👕 If you want to financially enable this chaos, go buy some stupidly good merch and pretend it’s “charity.” https://www.nottds.com/store/📩 Got a secret that would get you divorced, fired, or exco…

Ian’s gone, Jen’s digging chicken out of her teeth, and somehow that is still not the weirdest thing that happens here.Stroke opens up about serious liver issues, Mayo Clinic testing, and the kind of stress that makes everybody shut up for five whole seconds. Naturally the show copes with that information by writing a song about him getting a black man’s liver and becoming better at basketball.From there it gets right back to being deeply stupid in the most professional way possible, with dating app confessions, a possible Sacramento little person hooker investigation, Florida maniacs, pubes getting thrown at a sleeping woman on a train, and a grandma screaming about a room that smells like c*m.It’s supportive, reckless, gross, and somehow heartfelt, which is basically the only way this show knows how to function.Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸👕Buy some merch, support the circus, and put money into this terrible decision-making machine.https://w…

This week the show gets told it’s popular enough to monetize but apparently too dangerous to trust with ad money, which honestly feels pretty on-brand.From there it somehow turns into random listeners asking the cast for cash like everybody’s secretly sitting on drug money.Then the comments roll in, Stroke finally addresses the panic about his future on the show, and Jen brings in news that includes train wrecks, Lego theft with pasta decoys, and a protest movement called Operation Dildo Blitz because civilization has clearly stopped trying.By the end, they’re giving life advice to people with terrible relationship problems and playing Craigslist games no one should ever win.Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸👕 Go buy a shirt before some random asshole asks one of us to buy it for them.The damn store is right here: https://www.nottds.com/store/📩 Got problems, bad decisions, or something sick and embarrassing rattling around in your skull? S…