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Stroke and Ian survived a hurricane, which somehow leads directly to us announcing A Damn Warped Christmas, because apparently surviving natural disasters deserves an emo Christmas party. (Tickets On Sale HERE Friday) Then the entire show (minus Jenn because she would never agree to this) unites behind one important social cause: a grown man should absolutely be allowed to keep the foul ball he caught… Also who cares about that kid anyway he was like 3 🙄 Shane Gillis sends us into a completely necessary investigation of the difference between a whore and a hoe, Confessions introduces a blowjob surprise nobody asked to picture, and Florida Man once again proves that Publix is apparently where civilization goes to die. And Finally CraigsLust takes us to Atlantic City for gang bangs, a guy calling himself WhiteGirlBreeder, and the shocking return of cooter dipping. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸 👕 You already listen to this garbage voluntarily. You might as well dress l…

We turned a perfectly normal Christian debt relief commercial into “Jerking It for Jesus,” so that should give you a pretty accurate idea of how today’s show went. Stroke gets a new job, Jenn joins the Cockgobblers’ Book Club, Mikey’s just surprised we even did a show, and one listener absolutely murders Ian in the comments without Ian even being there to defend himself. Then Jenn brings us a Converse ad people thought looked like the KKK, a cheating car influencer whose affair ended in a flaming McLaren, 2,000 pounds of meth stuffed inside fake cabbage, and Bubbles, a dolphin who chases fish until they puke so he can eat it. Finally Mikey explains how Hollywood is apparently full of steroids, cocaine, drug handlers, celebrities who smell like shit and enough herpes to rename Los Angeles “Herpeswood.” Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸 👕 You already listen to this garbage voluntarily. You might as well wear the evidence in public. https://www.nottds.com/store/ 📩Got some…

Aftershock is over, Jenn and Mike’s lungs are apparently full of Faygo and fecal dust, and somehow the bigger problem is people worrying about seeing an ass cheek at a rock festival. Then Ian refuses to move his bar seat for four old ladies, which turns into a completely reasonable discussion about why everyone over 70 should apparently just stay home. Mikey admits he told a local band with five followers that they suck, Jenn gets appointed official prostitute booker, and Florida delivers a FedEx driver replacing stolen packages with popcorn. By the time Confessions gets to wheelchair Tinder dates, shared toothbrushes, aggressive bidet use and somebody sniffing underwear that wasn’t theirs, whatever dignity remained is completely gone. Oh And Stroke discovered he enjoys enough bidet pressure to make his wife ask questions. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸 👕We apparently need a GERIATRIC BITCHES shirt now, so this show continues creating problems for our merch departm…

Jenn’s ass loses a fight with a pair of pants, while Stroke’s ass brings home $220. Ian wants to know why adults are still advertising “it’s complicated” on Facebook, which is a brave conversation to have immediately before Mikey explains why his wife went to eye surgery without him. The crew promptly blames the listeners for needing a podcast so badly. Then they judge two actual criminal cases in Digital Dick of the Week, because apparently these four are qualified to assess other people’s decisions. Unpopular opinions turn Disneyland into an argument, drag up the horrors of company field day, and end with Mikey complimenting the presentation of an unsolicited dick pic. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸 👕 Wear the shirt. Let people know what they’re dealing with before the conversation starts. https://www.nottds.com/store/ 📩 Give the crew something worse than their own decisions to talk about. Confess the part you normally edit out. https://ngl.link/notthatdamnshow2 …

We started this week by explaining why getting four adults with jobs, kids, side hustles, health stuff and actual lives together twice a week is harder than it sounds. Somehow that turned into us becoming televangelists, offering miracle water, talking OnlyFans economics, and learning that one of the Dammits is allegedly a prostitute. Then came confessions. A guy claims he tells women a shark took one of his testicles. Somebody tasted their own semen more than once. Another listener says they physically cannot poop while listening to us, which is how the Poopedia Podcast was born. Florida Man then completely ruined whatever dignity was left with a mother and son incest arrest, a woman charged after surveillance footage involving the family dog, and one genuinely organized drug dealer who at least understood customer loyalty. We also brought back vaguebooking and ended with a Digital Dump featuring Massengill, a baseball to the face, and a pastor explaining “packing another man’s…

If you think hating pickles is grounds for removal from a podcast, congratulations, you're already more reasonable than us. Stroke somehow turns a haunted hotel story into admitting he can't have sex during Forensic Files, Ian declares war on a Panama City Beach cook named Scott over coleslaw and incorrectly sauced wings, and Florida Man shows up in his underwear hurling beef sticks at a Waffle House. Then Jen brings us Pornhub comments from people named Cooter Destroyer and Semen Demon, which naturally leads into a much less funny conversation with Rick about Flock cameras, license-plate tracking, Stingrays, and how much of your life can apparently be mapped without you asking for any of it. We also learn that "cream rinse" sounds filthy, jumping spiders may have souls, and apparently the proper response to modern technology is using AI every day while simultaneously being terrified it's going to destroy civilization. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸 👕 Your wardrobe h…

There are complaints, and then there’s getting so pissed at a radio host that you handwrite a full-page letter, drive it to the station, and personally deliver the damn thing. Somehow that isn’t even the weirdest part of this show. Stroke starts things off by admitting he complained about his apartment maintenance and apparently got a 75-year-old pool guy fired. Ian gets blamed because karaoke customers keep picking old songs. Then the comments arrive and we’re suddenly debating why women sound like they’re frying chicken when they pee and whether anybody actually farted continuously for two minutes. From there, Rhode Island gets buried in squid, a Maine Coon shows up with 29 toes, and a former fertility patient’s son discovers he has nine half siblings and is biologically related to her doctor. Then somebody asks: Do spiders have dicks? The answer involves pedipalps and “detachable looking face dicks,” because apparently this is educational programming now. Finally, BuzzFeed t…

The Gang Goes to Piggly Wiggly | Ep 116 Stroke went to Piggly Wiggly for cheap soda and somehow came home with Mountain Yeller, Mr. Pig, and a story about discussing his dick with a stranger in the meat department, so we’re off to a responsible start. Then a robot vacuum catches a wife cheating, the husband somehow ends up in jail, and everybody realizes the technology in their house could probably destroy their life at any moment. Confessions bring us a suspicious two-minute fart, Mikey bathwater, Ian catching strays while he isn’t even there, and a perfectly normal foot fetish discussion that immediately stops being normal. Florida unloads an entire week’s worth of public penis activity before California’s serial butt sniffer returns and Reddit reminds us why anonymous internet access may have been humanity’s biggest administrative error. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸 👕 Your closet has made enough bad decisions without you. At least make the next one NTDS merch: http…

Mikey leaves one bad pizza review and wakes up to an apology from the woman who cooked 90 pizzas, so naturally he spends the next few minutes feeling like shit. Ian’s kid nearly passes out from heat exhaustion at school when it feels like 115 degrees outside, and that goes exactly as calmly as you’d expect. Then a verified sugar daddy profile belonging to a radio host we already hate appears, Jessicles delivers “Emergency Jackoff Mode,” and Darth Vader shows up at a San Diego City Council meeting to go after Flock cameras. By the end, we’re teaching people how to fart-bomb memory foam, fake a dropped call with airplane mode, bury vodka before a festival, and apparently solve almost anything by whipping it out. If you take any of that advice, Mikey already warned you: that is your fault. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸 👕Before you spend $69 on Shit Shoes, maybe buy something from the people actually keeping this stupid show alive instead. https://www.nottds.com/store/ …

Some a**hole stole nearly two grand from Mikey’s bank account, which means he’s now willing to drink his wife’s bathwater for $1,000 and apparently sell the leftovers in tiny mason jars. We also learned that somebody protects their couch with a handmade sex blanket from Mom, a Florida woman can fit 28 bags of fentanyl inside herself, and Stroke may be one bad paycheck away from FeetFinder. Then Craigslust introduced us to a man searching for a fishing buddy who may occasionally need to fuck his wife, because adult friendships apparently require very specific benefits now. Clearance Carter watched all of this silently and judged us…which, honestly, somebody needed to. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸 👕Wear our bullshit in public and make strangers question your judgment. Spend irresponsibly here: https://www.nottds.com/store/ 📩 Tell us the thing you’re too ashamed to attach your name to. We’ll read it, judge it and possibly ruin it forever: https://ngl.link/notthatdamn…

Stroke got fired from radio, and because this show handles serious personal hardship with maturity, we immediately started planning his new career on the internet. Apparently his choices are… selling thrift-store clothes while telling dick jokes, hosting story time from a bidet or showing his asshole until the bills are paid. You can prevent at least one of those things by supporting the show. Choose wisely. We also tracked down our 21 listeners in Fairbanks, Alaska, where every 1,500 people apparently share one Dammit, one Thai restaurant and possibly a communal family shit bucket. Florida contributed a machete-versus-hatchet parking-lot fight, an accused catnapping mail carrier and a lobster diver nearly losing his air supply over somebody’s preferred fishing spot. Then came Smut Book Theater: HR Mandy makes us read filthy romance novels until “emergency jack off mode” somehow becomes the least disturbing thing said. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸 👕Your closet looks…

Lawyer Rick joins Mikey and Ian, which immediately turns into a debate over $17 cigarettes, selling out, and why radio keeps replacing actual personalities with bland garbage between tampon commercials. Florida contributes a machete duel over an ex, listeners drag us back through foot Parmesan and Stroke’s first bidet blast, and some guy named Chatty bravely discovers that the joke podcast is, in fact, a joke. Then everybody compares the first major news story burned into their brain, from Challenger and Oklahoma City to O.J., Princess Diana, and Boston. Ian ranks songs that were better than the movies written for them before Rick explains why cropped texts, accidental Venmo payments, unpaid boss messages, and a neighbor’s camera can all become expensive lessons in acting like an adult. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸 Your shirt drawer is full of cowardice. Fix it with something loud enough to disappoint your family: https://www.nottds.com/store/ Tell us the thing yo…

Stroke christens his new Florida place by testing a bidet live on camera…because apparently unpacking boxes was too normal. Then a sold-out, 105-degree Boardwalk show turns into a debate over what could make you walk out of an event. WTF News brings us an Utah bride who tried to torch her Mormon wedding venue with a stolen BIC lighter and a tampon, New Jersey cops dressing like clearance-bin shrubs, and Katy Perry getting rolled around inside a giant inflatable water bottle like a panicked gerbil. The confessions somehow make all of that feel classy with accidental sibling nudes, AI romance, ChapStick in an ass, adult onesie poop chutes, and a shower-head enema that went exactly as badly as it sounds. Also, Stroke bought a $2.40 doll named Clearance, so naturally we may have a new mascot. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸 Your closet is already full of bad decisions. At least make one of them branded: https://www.nottds.com/store/ Got a secret, a crime-adjacent hobby,…

On todays episode of Not That Damn Show we started with Dammits asking the important questions: who should pay for the condoms, whether Matt’s karaoke date is about to become a terrible decision, and why we call an animal a pet when “pet” is also what you do to it. Then your comments dragged us back into last week’s horrifying racist and sexist commercials and one of our favorite radio pranks, when a fake cat meow had people pulling over their cars and trucks looking for an animal that wasn’t there. After that we tried to figure out what actually counts as flirting. Hearting stories? Touching somebody’s arm? DMs? A “work wife”? Then we got to the fact that 26% of people think flirting with AI is cheating, which somehow turned into OnlyFans, live cam models, strip clubs, and why paying for one specific person changes the whole argument. Also video of a woman on a cruise ship scraping foot fungus off with a communal fork 🤮 Reno Craigslist closed things out with hour-long bl*wj…

Let’s say you’re a virgin in your mid-20s and decide the best solution is spending $1,500 at a legal brothel. Bold strategy. Now imagine getting home afterward and thinking, “You know what? I need to leave a Yelp review.” That’s where we begin. We also found a married couple who went to the same brothel FOR DINNER and were significantly more upset about missing ranch than the fact that they were eating chicken strips surrounded by prostitutes. Then Florida brought us a fake dick abandoned in a police car, Nana Squeeze Ass, two school principals getting separate DUIs in the same vehicle, and a 75-year-old man pepper-spraying children who wouldn’t pet his dog. Stroke also tells the story of getting attacked by a herd of lesbians. And then we watched old commercials about racist toothpaste, sexist coffee, Bill Cosby warning people about drugs and AYDS helping people lose weight. The past was weird. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸 👕 Buy some merch before we actually make …

Family is important. Apparently not important enough to ask your brother to donate sperm without turning every future Christmas into a psychological hostage situation. We also learned that powdered corpses used to count as medicine, a frightened whale can blast three gallons of intestinal “Ink”, and one German man somehow found room for 278 genital piercings. Then a rabid bat landed on a teenager’s face, Mortimer wiped his ass with a turkey sandwich after shitting on a wall, and Russia held a wedding for two robots because gay people apparently still asked for too much. Ian finishes the job by explaining why your two-hour wait, weak drink, missing TV channel, and sweaty table are absolutely not his fault, even though it is actually 100% his fault. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸 👕 Buy a shirt before we turn the turkey sandwich story into one. Your dignity is already gone, so dress accordingly: https://www.nottds.com/store/ 📩 Confess whatever disgusting decision is kee…

Stroke went to the Mayo Clinic, surrendered 32 vials of blood, and learned he has a tropical parasite that may have been living inside him for years. Most people would process that information privately. We immediately asked him to inspect his poop and send pictures if anything worm-shaped appears. That somehow wasn’t the strangest part of the show. Ian explains why calling yourself a “regular” does not magically earn you better service, a better table, or the right to jump an hour-long karaoke line when you tip like somebody’s disappointed uncle. Fair point, honestly. After that, the internet takes over. A sign-language lesson accidentally teaches kids how to say “nut in my mouth,” a nervous woman stutters into the worst possible word during a public meeting, and a bison sends an old man high enough to briefly qualify as weather. The Dammits close things out with toxic advice, including trusting every fart and shitting your pants to avoid a ticket. Welcome to America’s Loudest P…

This is not a normal episode. After a heartbreaking loss in the NTDS community, we’re going live to talk, listen, and try to make sense of something awful together. If you’re struggling or thinking about hurting yourself, call or text 988. It’s free, confidential, and available 24/7 in the U.S. This episode was live on 7/08/2026 Get more at NotTDS.com

This is not a normal episode. After a heartbreaking loss in the NTDS community, we’re going live to talk, listen, and try to make sense of something awful together. If you’re struggling or thinking about hurting yourself, call or text 988. It’s free, confidential, and available 24/7 in the U.S.

This is not a normal episode. After a heartbreaking loss in the NTDS community, we’re going live to talk, listen, and try to make sense of something awful together. If you’re struggling or thinking about hurting yourself, call or text 988. It’s free, confidential, and available 24/7 in the U.S.

We brought in the spouses for this episode and within five minutes we were trying to launch a diabetic pee whiskey brand called “The Sweetness” From there, things somehow got worse. We talked about the Folsom Rodeo skydiver who almost got turned into a patriotic tent stake, Mikey’s deep hatred of birthday sombreros, and whether a UPS driver throwing a box at a charging dog is self-defense or proof that humanity peaked with caller ID. The confessions went from stolen doorknobs to a fake-burned-down Disneyland to butt douching, because the internet has given anonymity to exactly the people who should not have it. The Jenn still found time to make everyone guess whether strangers were siblings or dating, which is apparently a game and also a warning label. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast. 👕 Buy a shirt so strangers know you make questionable entertainment choices on purpose: https://www.nottds.com/store/ 📩 Got a secret so stupid it deserves witnesses? Dump it anonymously and…

The whole gang is back, which means the episode immediately goes off the rails and never even pretends to recover. It starts with Patreon math, starving African podcasters, Fourth of July jello shots, and the uncomfortable realization that OnlyFans has better analytics than most businesses. Then Random Facts shows up and ruins everybody’s day with pearlfish living in sea cucumber butts, tapeworms growing 30 feet, itchy organs, sled dog mascara, and Aztec priests wearing human skin until it rotted off. Cute little family show. The Dammits also delivered. Snow White got exposed as a dwarf-house trespasser. Jesse called in about bowling (we think) and maybe peeing on a police station…. or a PlayStation. We’re not really sure. Then what’s Your Damn Problem hit us with a dying ex wanting one last weekend and a wife asking for an open marriage after her husband’s accident. WTF News brings us a pastor beating a guy’s ass, a missing giraffe, fentanyl “sugar,” and a White Claw truck cras…

We took a week off, came back with three hosts, and immediately started doing math on how this show costs about 75 cents an episode, which somehow turned into us being the cheapest whores in podcasting. Mikey went to San Francisco for his birthday, saw lowrider gangsters blasting Miley Cyrus like the founding fathers intended, and somehow came home angry about some lying table-stealing breakfast goblin at Hot Off The Griddle in Rocklin CA. Then Random Thoughts went completely off the rails with beavers, claptor, golden retrievers as middle management, Hitler as a gay panda, and the question of whether ghosts are dumb for hanging out in cemeteries. Ian also ranked his 90s crushes and you’ll never guess who number was 🙄 Then the Damnits confessed to Lance Bass AOL catfishing, sauna cum vapor mythology, fake zebras, Scotland’s unicorn problem, and the kind of sex logic that makes you want to stare directly into the sun. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸 👕 Buy the shirt before we c…

Ian ditched us for work, so Arnie States showed up, which immediately made the show feel like somebody handed the mic to a man banned from several Costcos. Stroke explained his Florida oyster pearl hustle like he’s running a seaside jewelry cartel, which somehow turned into “a pearl necklace from Stroke,” because this show has the maturity of a middle school locker room with Wi-Fi. Jess the song girl sent in a song about Mikey getting tea bagged …apparently this fanbase has lost all shame. Jenn showed up and explained why she was late: her kid got car sick on the way back from Santa Cruz and absolutely launched vomit all over the truck. Not a cute little kid puke either. We’re talking full projectile Exorcist situation. We breakdown why society got soft, from boneless wings to trigger warnings to people needing an app to remind them to drink water like endangered houseplants. And Jen brought back the prison dating game, where once again everyone made choices and immediately regr…