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Some a**hole stole nearly two grand from Mikey’s bank account, which means he’s now willing to drink his wife’s bathwater for $1,000 and apparently sell the leftovers in tiny mason jars. We also learned that somebody protects their couch with a handmade sex blanket from Mom, a Florida woman can fit 28 bags of fentanyl inside herself, and Stroke may be one bad paycheck away from FeetFinder. Then Craigslust introduced us to a man searching for a fishing buddy who may occasionally need to fuck his wife, because adult friendships apparently require very specific benefits now. Clearance Carter watched all of this silently and judged us…which, honestly, somebody needed to. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸 👕Wear our bullshit in public and make strangers question your judgment. Spend irresponsibly here: https://www.nottds.com/store/ 📩 Tell us the thing you’re too ashamed to attach your name to. We’ll read it, judge it and possibly ruin it forever: https://ngl.link/notthatdamn…

Stroke got fired from radio, and because this show handles serious personal hardship with maturity, we immediately started planning his new career on the internet. Apparently his choices are… selling thrift-store clothes while telling dick jokes, hosting story time from a bidet or showing his asshole until the bills are paid. You can prevent at least one of those things by supporting the show. Choose wisely. We also tracked down our 21 listeners in Fairbanks, Alaska, where every 1,500 people apparently share one Dammit, one Thai restaurant and possibly a communal family shit bucket. Florida contributed a machete-versus-hatchet parking-lot fight, an accused catnapping mail carrier and a lobster diver nearly losing his air supply over somebody’s preferred fishing spot. Then came Smut Book Theater: HR Mandy makes us read filthy romance novels until “emergency jack off mode” somehow becomes the least disturbing thing said. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸 👕Your closet looks…

Lawyer Rick joins Mikey and Ian, which immediately turns into a debate over $17 cigarettes, selling out, and why radio keeps replacing actual personalities with bland garbage between tampon commercials. Florida contributes a machete duel over an ex, listeners drag us back through foot Parmesan and Stroke’s first bidet blast, and some guy named Chatty bravely discovers that the joke podcast is, in fact, a joke. Then everybody compares the first major news story burned into their brain, from Challenger and Oklahoma City to O.J., Princess Diana, and Boston. Ian ranks songs that were better than the movies written for them before Rick explains why cropped texts, accidental Venmo payments, unpaid boss messages, and a neighbor’s camera can all become expensive lessons in acting like an adult. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸 Your shirt drawer is full of cowardice. Fix it with something loud enough to disappoint your family: https://www.nottds.com/store/ Tell us the thing yo…

Stroke christens his new Florida place by testing a bidet live on camera…because apparently unpacking boxes was too normal. Then a sold-out, 105-degree Boardwalk show turns into a debate over what could make you walk out of an event. WTF News brings us an Utah bride who tried to torch her Mormon wedding venue with a stolen BIC lighter and a tampon, New Jersey cops dressing like clearance-bin shrubs, and Katy Perry getting rolled around inside a giant inflatable water bottle like a panicked gerbil. The confessions somehow make all of that feel classy with accidental sibling nudes, AI romance, ChapStick in an ass, adult onesie poop chutes, and a shower-head enema that went exactly as badly as it sounds. Also, Stroke bought a $2.40 doll named Clearance, so naturally we may have a new mascot. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸 Your closet is already full of bad decisions. At least make one of them branded: https://www.nottds.com/store/ Got a secret, a crime-adjacent hobby,…

On todays episode of Not That Damn Show we started with Dammits asking the important questions: who should pay for the condoms, whether Matt’s karaoke date is about to become a terrible decision, and why we call an animal a pet when “pet” is also what you do to it. Then your comments dragged us back into last week’s horrifying racist and sexist commercials and one of our favorite radio pranks, when a fake cat meow had people pulling over their cars and trucks looking for an animal that wasn’t there. After that we tried to figure out what actually counts as flirting. Hearting stories? Touching somebody’s arm? DMs? A “work wife”? Then we got to the fact that 26% of people think flirting with AI is cheating, which somehow turned into OnlyFans, live cam models, strip clubs, and why paying for one specific person changes the whole argument. Also video of a woman on a cruise ship scraping foot fungus off with a communal fork 🤮 Reno Craigslist closed things out with hour-long bl*wj…

Let’s say you’re a virgin in your mid-20s and decide the best solution is spending $1,500 at a legal brothel. Bold strategy. Now imagine getting home afterward and thinking, “You know what? I need to leave a Yelp review.” That’s where we begin. We also found a married couple who went to the same brothel FOR DINNER and were significantly more upset about missing ranch than the fact that they were eating chicken strips surrounded by prostitutes. Then Florida brought us a fake dick abandoned in a police car, Nana Squeeze Ass, two school principals getting separate DUIs in the same vehicle, and a 75-year-old man pepper-spraying children who wouldn’t pet his dog. Stroke also tells the story of getting attacked by a herd of lesbians. And then we watched old commercials about racist toothpaste, sexist coffee, Bill Cosby warning people about drugs and AYDS helping people lose weight. The past was weird. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸 👕 Buy some merch before we actually make …

Family is important. Apparently not important enough to ask your brother to donate sperm without turning every future Christmas into a psychological hostage situation. We also learned that powdered corpses used to count as medicine, a frightened whale can blast three gallons of intestinal “Ink”, and one German man somehow found room for 278 genital piercings. Then a rabid bat landed on a teenager’s face, Mortimer wiped his ass with a turkey sandwich after shitting on a wall, and Russia held a wedding for two robots because gay people apparently still asked for too much. Ian finishes the job by explaining why your two-hour wait, weak drink, missing TV channel, and sweaty table are absolutely not his fault, even though it is actually 100% his fault. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸 👕 Buy a shirt before we turn the turkey sandwich story into one. Your dignity is already gone, so dress accordingly: https://www.nottds.com/store/ 📩 Confess whatever disgusting decision is kee…

Stroke went to the Mayo Clinic, surrendered 32 vials of blood, and learned he has a tropical parasite that may have been living inside him for years. Most people would process that information privately. We immediately asked him to inspect his poop and send pictures if anything worm-shaped appears. That somehow wasn’t the strangest part of the show. Ian explains why calling yourself a “regular” does not magically earn you better service, a better table, or the right to jump an hour-long karaoke line when you tip like somebody’s disappointed uncle. Fair point, honestly. After that, the internet takes over. A sign-language lesson accidentally teaches kids how to say “nut in my mouth,” a nervous woman stutters into the worst possible word during a public meeting, and a bison sends an old man high enough to briefly qualify as weather. The Dammits close things out with toxic advice, including trusting every fart and shitting your pants to avoid a ticket. Welcome to America’s Loudest P…

This is not a normal episode. After a heartbreaking loss in the NTDS community, we’re going live to talk, listen, and try to make sense of something awful together. If you’re struggling or thinking about hurting yourself, call or text 988. It’s free, confidential, and available 24/7 in the U.S. This episode was live on 7/08/2026 Get more at NotTDS.com

This is not a normal episode. After a heartbreaking loss in the NTDS community, we’re going live to talk, listen, and try to make sense of something awful together. If you’re struggling or thinking about hurting yourself, call or text 988. It’s free, confidential, and available 24/7 in the U.S.

This is not a normal episode. After a heartbreaking loss in the NTDS community, we’re going live to talk, listen, and try to make sense of something awful together. If you’re struggling or thinking about hurting yourself, call or text 988. It’s free, confidential, and available 24/7 in the U.S.

We brought in the spouses for this episode and within five minutes we were trying to launch a diabetic pee whiskey brand called “The Sweetness” From there, things somehow got worse. We talked about the Folsom Rodeo skydiver who almost got turned into a patriotic tent stake, Mikey’s deep hatred of birthday sombreros, and whether a UPS driver throwing a box at a charging dog is self-defense or proof that humanity peaked with caller ID. The confessions went from stolen doorknobs to a fake-burned-down Disneyland to butt douching, because the internet has given anonymity to exactly the people who should not have it. The Jenn still found time to make everyone guess whether strangers were siblings or dating, which is apparently a game and also a warning label. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast. 👕 Buy a shirt so strangers know you make questionable entertainment choices on purpose: https://www.nottds.com/store/ 📩 Got a secret so stupid it deserves witnesses? Dump it anonymously and…

The whole gang is back, which means the episode immediately goes off the rails and never even pretends to recover. It starts with Patreon math, starving African podcasters, Fourth of July jello shots, and the uncomfortable realization that OnlyFans has better analytics than most businesses. Then Random Facts shows up and ruins everybody’s day with pearlfish living in sea cucumber butts, tapeworms growing 30 feet, itchy organs, sled dog mascara, and Aztec priests wearing human skin until it rotted off. Cute little family show. The Dammits also delivered. Snow White got exposed as a dwarf-house trespasser. Jesse called in about bowling (we think) and maybe peeing on a police station…. or a PlayStation. We’re not really sure. Then what’s Your Damn Problem hit us with a dying ex wanting one last weekend and a wife asking for an open marriage after her husband’s accident. WTF News brings us a pastor beating a guy’s ass, a missing giraffe, fentanyl “sugar,” and a White Claw truck cras…

We took a week off, came back with three hosts, and immediately started doing math on how this show costs about 75 cents an episode, which somehow turned into us being the cheapest whores in podcasting. Mikey went to San Francisco for his birthday, saw lowrider gangsters blasting Miley Cyrus like the founding fathers intended, and somehow came home angry about some lying table-stealing breakfast goblin at Hot Off The Griddle in Rocklin CA. Then Random Thoughts went completely off the rails with beavers, claptor, golden retrievers as middle management, Hitler as a gay panda, and the question of whether ghosts are dumb for hanging out in cemeteries. Ian also ranked his 90s crushes and you’ll never guess who number was 🙄 Then the Damnits confessed to Lance Bass AOL catfishing, sauna cum vapor mythology, fake zebras, Scotland’s unicorn problem, and the kind of sex logic that makes you want to stare directly into the sun. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸 👕 Buy the shirt before we c…

Ian ditched us for work, so Arnie States showed up, which immediately made the show feel like somebody handed the mic to a man banned from several Costcos. Stroke explained his Florida oyster pearl hustle like he’s running a seaside jewelry cartel, which somehow turned into “a pearl necklace from Stroke,” because this show has the maturity of a middle school locker room with Wi-Fi. Jess the song girl sent in a song about Mikey getting tea bagged …apparently this fanbase has lost all shame. Jenn showed up and explained why she was late: her kid got car sick on the way back from Santa Cruz and absolutely launched vomit all over the truck. Not a cute little kid puke either. We’re talking full projectile Exorcist situation. We breakdown why society got soft, from boneless wings to trigger warnings to people needing an app to remind them to drink water like endangered houseplants. And Jen brought back the prison dating game, where once again everyone made choices and immediately regr…

Stroke was out this episode, so we did the responsible thing and replaced him with Rick, our actual lawyer. Smart move, honestly, because this episode probably needs legal supervision. We started with a titties hat, then a dick hat, somehow invented “digital AIDS,” revisited the workplace phrase nobody should ever say out loud, and then took a hard turn into couples splitting bills 50/50. Joint accounts, separate accounts, who pays for dinner, who cleans the kitchen, who steals the money when everything goes sideways. Romance is beautiful, folks. Then Jenn gave us the news: China is allegedly using LinkedIn to fish for spies, a Florida grandma got arrested after falling for a fake Liam Neeson scam, Toronto has a beaver statue named Doug, and Joey Chestnut is apparently the Glizzy Guzzler now. After that, confessions got disgusting enough that Rick probably considered charging us by the hour. So here’s the question: should couples split everything 50/50, or is that fake fairness p…

Everybody’s barely here, everybody’s allegedly mad at everybody, Stroke is late, Ian has to leave, and somehow that still counts as a functioning podcast… because standards are dead. We’ve FINALLY got the June shirt of the month (Everything is Fake and Gay) Mikey is throwing a party at the Boardwalk Fourth of July weekend, Jenn starts wondering if she’s in menopause. an trying to start his new apartment life by getting rejected in a model unit like a horny real estate goblin. Listener comments somehow drag us through Japan school trips, Spanish Spotify ads, unpaid traffic tickets, and the eternal question: is a short guy’s dating problem solved by muscles and a motorcycle? Then Digital Dick of the Week becomes an actual moral crisis. One guy steals cigarettes from Wawa and leaves his wallet behind. Another guy allegedly pulls a gun on a coworker over microwaved fish. We’re not lawyers, but we are people with noses. Stroke shows up just in time to bring Florida’s finest: a…

This episode started with a simple relationship question and somehow ended with cousin confessions and discussions about butthole licking. The big debate: if someone ghosts you after three months, are they responsible when you completely lose your mind afterward? The jury was divided. We also discovered that Florida's most misspelled word is apparently "school," held a spelling bee for grown adults, argued about Michael Jordan vs Wayne Gretzky, and learned that some people are allergic to their own orgasms. Then Ian delivered what may be one of the greatest stories in show history: a desperate sprint through Best Buy while trying not to become permanently known as "The Best Buy Pooper." The confessions were somehow even worse with hotel squatters, cousin crushes. porta-potty enthusiasts and paid wedgies. Humanity remains undefeated. Welcome to Americas Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸 👕Your wardrobe looks weak and you know it. Fix the problem before strangers assume you're responsib…

This episode started with Jenn disappearing before showtime and somehow got worse from there. Stroke introduced a song called Don't Put Bananas In My Butt, which immediately destroyed whatever credibility we had left. Then we stumbled onto a Florida music festival charging $34 for a turkey leg and spent the next twenty minutes trying to figure out whether that counts as theft. We also uncovered America's forgotten government cheese mountain, discussed New Jersey's weird gas-pumping laws, debated speed cameras, and learned there's apparently a luxury anti-aging cream designed specifically for your penis. No, that's not a joke. By the end of the episode we’ve talked about ringworm throats, pledge allegiance controversies, and whether Thomas Jefferson would've simply canceled America if he saw what the internet has become. If you've ever wondered what happens when three dudes start with a simple conversation and end up discussing anti-aging dick lotion, this one's for you. We…

Where’s Stroke? We don’t know so naturally we got into an unnecessarily long discussion about AI gender swaps, lesbian filters, whale sperm perfume, and whether a grown man deserves five million dollars because a cruise ship deck was hot in Florida. We listen to voicemails, read your comments and check Craigslist where we find twinks and pregnant pillow princesses. There’s also a guy using AI to fake Uber damage photos, another guy smearing s*it all over someone’s house, and a woman beating a cheating man with an entire tree branch while we cheer like it’s WrestleMania. Somehow we invented a new game based on horrible real-life FML stories and prove once again that humanity was probably a mistake. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸 👕 Wear something from the store so strangers immediately know not to ask you for directions or emotional support. https://www.nottds.com/store 📩 Your secrets are already ruining your life anyway. Might as well let us read them out loud …

After taking a week off, the gang comes back like four exhausted mall cops trying to process a world where people are emotionally cheating with AI girlfriends. In this episode of Not That Damn Show a lawyer got caught doing deeply illegal things with the family dog, and somebody in Florida almost burned down an apartment over missing apple slices. Ian launches into a full boomer meltdown over paper McFlurry cups and disappearing ketchup dispensers while Mikey casually explains there are apparently alien races living underground. Jenn warns us about Ebola patients running loose in the Congo and everybody accidentally creates the world’s worst conversation about train sex. Also, somebody genuinely asked us to bring beat “Brat Strokes C*ock” … which is 100% NOT the name of the game. Humanity may actually be cooked. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸 This episode of NOT That Damn Show is sponsored by MoreLabs.com (http://MoreLabs.com) Whether you survived Memori…

We’re off this week, so we dug through the NTDS vault and pulled out one of the most catastrophically stupid games we’ve ever played. Jen brought in inmate dating profiles and forced us to blindly pick our ideal prison soulmate without seeing pictures first. Which somehow turned into four grown adults profiling criminals based on hobbies, grammar, HVAC certifications, and whether somebody watches SpongeBob. At one point Ian confidently explains why “Nikita” can’t possibly be a real woman’s name. Meanwhile Stroke spends the entire game desperately trying not to accidentally pick another transgender inmate… …and immediately picks another transgender inmate. Again. Honestly the reveal at the end might be one of the hardest laughs we’ve had on this show in months. If you missed this segment the first time around, congratulations. You now get to experience the full secondhand embarrassment fresh. 👕 Your current wardrobe says “I probably lose prison dating games.” Fix your life …

We’re off this week, so we dug through the NTDS vault and pulled out one of the most catastrophically stupid games we’ve ever played. Jen brought in inmate dating profiles and forced us to blindly pick our ideal prison soulmate without seeing pictures first. Which somehow turned into four grown adults profiling criminals based on hobbies, grammar, HVAC certifications, and whether somebody watches SpongeBob. At one point Ian confidently explains why “Nikita” can’t possibly be a real woman’s name. Meanwhile Stroke spends the entire game desperately trying not to accidentally pick another transgender inmate… …and immediately picks another transgender inmate. Again. Honestly the reveal at the end might be one of the hardest laughs we’ve had on this show in months. If you missed this segment the first time around, congratulations. You now get to experience the full secondhand embarrassment fresh. 👕 Your current wardrobe says “I probably lose prison dating games.”Fix your life immediate…

Since we’re off this week, we figured it was the perfect time to revisit one of the dumbest things this show has ever done: reading viral BookTok smut novels out loud like emotionally damaged audiobook actors. What started as “this should be funny” immediately turned into phrases like “wet slabs,” “intimate muscles,” and multiple conversations nobody wanted to have about fingers in asses. Also, somebody needs to explain why these books all have cute Disney Channel covers while hiding absolute psychological warfare inside. If you missed this disaster the first time, congratulations. Your suffering starts now. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast. Listen here or Check out the FREE video on Youtube Probably don’t play it near children. Or church people. 👕 Your wardrobe looks weak and emotionally unsupported. Fix it. Grab the gear before Ian spends the merch budget on another pointless hobby: https://www.nottds.com/store/ 📩 Got a confession that would ruin Thanksgiving din…