Episodes

Some a**hole stole nearly two grand from Mikey’s bank account, which means he’s now willing to drink his wife’s bathwater for $1,000 and apparently sell the leftovers in tiny mason jars. We also learned that somebody protects their couch with a handmade sex blanket from Mom, a Florida woman can fit 28 bags of fentanyl inside herself, and Stroke may be one bad paycheck away from FeetFinder. Then Craigslust introduced us to a man searching for a fishing buddy who may occasionally need to fuck hi...

Stroke got fired from radio, and because this show handles serious personal hardship with maturity, we immediately started planning his new career on the internet. Apparently his choices are… selling thrift-store clothes while telling dick jokes, hosting story time from a bidet or showing his asshole until the bills are paid. You can prevent at least one of those things by supporting the show. Choose wisely. We also tracked down our 21 listeners in Fairbanks, Alaska, where every 1,500 people a...

Lawyer Rick joins Mikey and Ian, which immediately turns into a debate over $17 cigarettes, selling out, and why radio keeps replacing actual personalities with bland garbage between tampon commercials. Florida contributes a machete duel over an ex, listeners drag us back through foot Parmesan and Stroke’s first bidet blast, and some guy named Chatty bravely discovers that the joke podcast is, in fact, a joke. Then everybody compares the first major news story burned into their brain, from Cha...

Stroke christens his new Florida place by testing a bidet live on camera…because apparently unpacking boxes was too normal. Then a sold-out, 105-degree Boardwalk show turns into a debate over what could make you walk out of an event. WTF News brings us an Utah bride who tried to torch her Mormon wedding venue with a stolen BIC lighter and a tampon, New Jersey cops dressing like clearance-bin shrubs, and Katy Perry getting rolled around inside a giant inflatable water bottle like a panicked ger...

On todays episode of Not That Damn Show we started with Dammits asking the important questions: who should pay for the condoms, whether Matt’s karaoke date is about to become a terrible decision, and why we call an animal a pet when “pet” is also what you do to it. Then your comments dragged us back into last week’s horrifying racist and sexist commercials and one of our favorite radio pranks, when a fake cat meow had people pulling over their cars and trucks looking for an animal that wasn’t t...

Let’s say you’re a virgin in your mid-20s and decide the best solution is spending $1,500 at a legal brothel. Bold strategy. Now imagine getting home afterward and thinking, “You know what? I need to leave a Yelp review.” That’s where we begin. We also found a married couple who went to the same brothel FOR DINNER and were significantly more upset about missing ranch than the fact that they were eating chicken strips surrounded by prostitutes. Then Florida brought us a fake dick abandoned i...

Family is important. Apparently not important enough to ask your brother to donate sperm without turning every future Christmas into a psychological hostage situation. We also learned that powdered corpses used to count as medicine, a frightened whale can blast three gallons of intestinal “Ink”, and one German man somehow found room for 278 genital piercings. Then a rabid bat landed on a teenager’s face, Mortimer wiped his ass with a turkey sandwich after shitting on a wall, and Russia held a ...

Stroke went to the Mayo Clinic, surrendered 32 vials of blood, and learned he has a tropical parasite that may have been living inside him for years. Most people would process that information privately. We immediately asked him to inspect his poop and send pictures if anything worm-shaped appears. That somehow wasn’t the strangest part of the show. Ian explains why calling yourself a “regular” does not magically earn you better service, a better table, or the right to jump an hour-long karaok...

This is not a normal episode. After a heartbreaking loss in the NTDS community, we’re going live to talk, listen, and try to make sense of something awful together. If you’re struggling or thinking about hurting yourself, call or text 988. It’s free, confidential, and available 24/7 in the U.S.

We brought in the spouses for this episode and within five minutes we were trying to launch a diabetic pee whiskey brand called “The Sweetness” From there, things somehow got worse. We talked about the Folsom Rodeo skydiver who almost got turned into a patriotic tent stake, Mikey’s deep hatred of birthday sombreros, and whether a UPS driver throwing a box at a charging dog is self-defense or proof that humanity peaked with caller ID. The confessions went from stolen doorknobs to a fake-burned...

The whole gang is back, which means the episode immediately goes off the rails and never even pretends to recover. It starts with Patreon math, starving African podcasters, Fourth of July jello shots, and the uncomfortable realization that OnlyFans has better analytics than most businesses. Then Random Facts shows up and ruins everybody’s day with pearlfish living in sea cucumber butts, tapeworms growing 30 feet, itchy organs, sled dog mascara, and Aztec priests wearing human skin until it rot...

We took a week off, came back with three hosts, and immediately started doing math on how this show costs about 75 cents an episode, which somehow turned into us being the cheapest whores in podcasting. Mikey went to San Francisco for his birthday, saw lowrider gangsters blasting Miley Cyrus like the founding fathers intended, and somehow came home angry about some lying table-stealing breakfast goblin at Hot Off The Griddle in Rocklin CA. Then Random Thoughts went completely off the rails wit...

Ian ditched us for work, so Arnie States showed up, which immediately made the show feel like somebody handed the mic to a man banned from several Costcos. Stroke explained his Florida oyster pearl hustle like he’s running a seaside jewelry cartel, which somehow turned into “a pearl necklace from Stroke,” because this show has the maturity of a middle school locker room with Wi-Fi. Jess the song girl sent in a song about Mikey getting tea bagged …apparently this fanbase has lost all shame. Je...

Stroke was out this episode, so we did the responsible thing and replaced him with Rick, our actual lawyer. Smart move, honestly, because this episode probably needs legal supervision. We started with a titties hat, then a dick hat, somehow invented “digital AIDS,” revisited the workplace phrase nobody should ever say out loud, and then took a hard turn into couples splitting bills 50/50. Joint accounts, separate accounts, who pays for dinner, who cleans the kitchen, who steals the money when e...

Everybody’s barely here, everybody’s allegedly mad at everybody, Stroke is late, Ian has to leave, and somehow that still counts as a functioning podcast… because standards are dead. We’ve FINALLY got the June shirt of the month (Everything is Fake and Gay) Mikey is throwing a party at the Boardwalk Fourth of July weekend, Jenn starts wondering if she’s in menopause. an trying to start his new apartment life by getting rejected in a model unit like a horny real estate goblin. Listener commen...

This episode started with a simple relationship question and somehow ended with cousin confessions and discussions about butthole licking. The big debate: if someone ghosts you after three months, are they responsible when you completely lose your mind afterward? The jury was divided. We also discovered that Florida's most misspelled word is apparently "school," held a spelling bee for grown adults, argued about Michael Jordan vs Wayne Gretzky, and learned that some people are allergic to the...

This episode started with Jenn disappearing before showtime and somehow got worse from there. Stroke introduced a song called Don't Put Bananas In My Butt, which immediately destroyed whatever credibility we had left. Then we stumbled onto a Florida music festival charging $34 for a turkey leg and spent the next twenty minutes trying to figure out whether that counts as theft. We also uncovered America's forgotten government cheese mountain, discussed New Jersey's weird gas-pumping laws, debat...

Where’s Stroke? We don’t know so naturally we got into an unnecessarily long discussion about AI gender swaps, lesbian filters, whale sperm perfume, and whether a grown man deserves five million dollars because a cruise ship deck was hot in Florida. We listen to voicemails, read your comments and check Craigslist where we find twinks and pregnant pillow princesses. There’s also a guy using AI to fake Uber damage photos, another guy smearing s*it all over someone’s house, and a woman beating a ...

After taking a week off, the gang comes back like four exhausted mall cops trying to process a world where people are emotionally cheating with AI girlfriends. In this episode of Not That Damn Show a lawyer got caught doing deeply illegal things with the family dog, and somebody in Florida almost burned down an apartment over missing apple slices. Ian launches into a full boomer meltdown over paper McFlurry cups and disappearing ketchup dispensers while Mikey casually explains there are appare...

We’re off this week, so we dug through the NTDS vault and pulled out one of the most catastrophically stupid games we’ve ever played. Jen brought in inmate dating profiles and forced us to blindly pick our ideal prison soulmate without seeing pictures first. Which somehow turned into four grown adults profiling criminals based on hobbies, grammar, HVAC certifications, and whether somebody watches SpongeBob. At one point Ian confidently explains why “Nikita” can’t possibly be a real woman’s nam...

Since we’re off this week, we figured it was the perfect time to revisit one of the dumbest things this show has ever done: reading viral BookTok smut novels out loud like emotionally damaged audiobook actors. What started as “this should be funny” immediately turned into phrases like “wet slabs,” “intimate muscles,” and multiple conversations nobody wanted to have about fingers in asses. Also, somebody needs to explain why these books all have cute Disney Channel covers while hiding absolute ...

This episode of Not That Damn Show somehow starts with dead bodies getting goosebumps and ends with a grown man explaining why he refuses to eat “BBL ass” like he’s delivering a TED Talk from a gas station parking lot. The gang falls down rabbit holes involving church fights, giraffes tasting piss, Pornhub page 448, HOA snitches losing their minds over Govee lights, and a law student secretly filming people in a bathroom because apparently society is hanging together with duct tape and and toot...

This week starts with Mikey accidentally turning NOT TDS into Pornhub Lite after trying to monetize the website and immediately getting greeted by a giant vagina and a “girl 3 miles away wants to fuck” popup. Stroke’s getting his master’s degree while simultaneously questioning whether touring Thomas Jefferson’s slave mansion makes him racist by association. Jenn gets “higher than giraffe pussy” off a Mother’s Day gummy while watching Sally Field movies, and Ian nearly declares war on a couple...

Look, if you came here for a healthy, emotionally mature show, you absolutely clicked the wrong thing. We start with breaking “news” about Jeffrey Epstein’s suicide note like Mikey is CNN, then immediately derail into roasting Ian’s $20 couch mic until he straight-up disappears from the show like a pissed-off lesbian Bigfoot. From there it somehow turns into dragonflies jetting water out of their asses, and a very real discussion on how your partner’s nut allergy can actually kill them via, uh…...