The Gang Solves a Kidnapping (Probably) |Ep 70 (Audio only)

0:01 Yo, turn it up, crank the volume to 10. Guess what's for the crew who won't bow again? The hosts are united, ready to go. They tried to kill it, but we're not that damn show. Fuck it, we're back. Louder than you'll know. Corporate radio can kiss our ass. They fired us, tried to make us foam, but we're not that damn show. Still wrong Cutting board old. Welcome back to another riveting episode of Not That Damn Show.

0:44 We are America's loudest podcast. We are all here. And it's, you know, I got to say in I kind of like sometimes doing recording the show, doing the show a little bit later in the day or at night because I don't feel so bad when I'm drinking. Like if I start drinking at 11:00 in the morning, I'm. Like maybe I got a problem. I just got off work so this is an after work beer, not a recording beer. They just happened to overlap so I'm feeling. A little different today. I'm a little pissed at Jen because, you know, it's her fault with this shitty computer. So it's not. It's basically 9:00 on a Tuesday night. Let's give Full disclosure. It is. I've got to be up at 4:00 AM. You're fine. Yeah, so I'll live. So Jen, if. You and. Then Ian, I'm surprised you're with us because you look like the guy that they're looking for.

1:25 Somebody's been detained for kidnapping Samantha Guthrie's, you know, her, her mom, and somebody's been detained. So at any point during this episode, Ian may get the SWAT team just to just take it away. I have. An alibi and witnesses who can place me there. I was gonna, I was gonna say they, I just before we started recording, I read TMZ was reporting that they paid the ransom for her mom. So Ian might have a whole bunch of money now too. So he might be rich, you know, I, I what I just thought was I want. You to look behind me and ask and does that, does that look like I have a bunch of money? Well, it's under 300 bucks. That's what they're reporting right now, 'cause I just want, you know who scares the shit out of me, by the way? Nancy Grace. And she's on it when she says something. I just. Listen, yeah, I don't fuck around with Nancy Grace.

2:07 Can you imagine her being mad at you in the home like hell? I watched Nancy Grace the whole time when she when she was after tot mom, she kept calling Casey Anthony the tot mom and Nancy Grace was all over that case the whole fucking time. And I'm like, oh Nancy Grace. She hates this lady. I like her. This is my girl. Scares me though. She's scary. She is scary. All right, well, before we get into the show, just thank you everybody for tuning. We appreciate you guys being here. Don't forget that we have a brand new shirt on sales, the shirt of the month. It is no wrong hold. It's no wrong hole show shirt. Also the no wrong hole show, I guess. But true love doesn't knock is what the shirt says. It's perfect for Valentine's Day, perfect for anybody. It's a great gift. Also a good gift is the gift of supporting the show by joining on Spotify or on Patreon. It's a little bit cheaper on Spotify than it is on Patreon, but Patreon you get all the extra stuff. Spotify you just get the video.

2:56 But you can listen to us on any platform. We're available pretty much everywhere. We appreciate you guys doing that. I'd have to say I'm more of a fan of the Spotify and I'll tell you why because it's easy to get the app and put it right on your TV and watch. It I know. Patreon, I wish they had it the same way, but you don't get all the features you get on Patreon. So yeah, it's a love hate. It is you get your choice. So you could either there's the ease of Spotify or having to download another app with patron and all the other shit. So it's your choice, but it's a little bit cheaper on Spotify if you want to. But either way, man, wherever you wherever you support the show. We fucking appreciate it. And then Ian wouldn't have to get a second job. Jen would be able to get a better computer stroke, could probably quit his morning show if you all subscribe, but we could just do this everyday and. You wouldn't have to kill.

3:38 Kidnap grandmas. Jimmy Fanner I mean, there's a second job also that kidnapping business, but that's we're not talking about that. I knew it was Ian when they said this guy has This guy didn't seem very masculine. He didn't seem very masculine and he didn't have his story together. I'm like, that's fucking Ian. I knew it was him. It's so funny. I've always got a story. I saw people online trying to unmask the picture. They're like using AI to take the mask, to take the the face, the thing off of it. And it's so weird because like one picture is like a black dude, the other one's like said clearly a Mexican guy. Then it's like this creepy rapey looking white dude. It's obviously there's no way AI would know. Yeah, the guy on the porch, he's like, oh, there's a camera here, what the fuck? And he grabs the plants and puts them there. And then he you can see his little mustache. It looked white to me.

4:25 I mean, from what I'm looking at in dark eyes, I'm like. That was a Hitler mustache. That's what I I looked. I was like, that looks like a Hitler mustache. It looks. Straight at the camera too. Why they always do that? Why do all the criminals always look? Straight at the Debating online. Is that a man or a woman? I'm like, well. It's a looks like a man I think. Dude. Yeah. Yeah, well, like I said, I think they may they paid. They paid the guy. So maybe they'll be able to get her mom back. I don't I. Don't know. I really hope the woman's alive who knows it during this show. It may break. We're Tuesday time you hear this on Thursday. We might not know all The Who knows. But Mikey, you might be right because I got to give you credit. You said you think this might have been an inside job and I've been like in the whole family's neighborhood.

5:06 I was watching a day and I'm starting to go maybe, maybe there is some truth to this. I'm not saying the lady from today's show is behind it because she's in New York. Would that be some weird shit? But I maybe that that son-in-law is as creepy as we think I. Was going to say the the sister, the other daughter, the sister and the the son-in-law. I think there might be something going on with the FBI showing up there and searching in the backyard and searching a septic tank and taking shit out of the house and out of the garage. There's something. Going on. And then they're like. All, all her neighbors or her daughter and they're talking to all the neighbors and looking for cameras. I'm like, I was thinking, OK, Mikey, you might have been right. You might be right. Well, when we recorded a couple days ago, I don't know. You brought up something about the cameras this. Did you guys see the Super Bowl commercial where it was? We'll help you find your dog.

5:49 The Ring camera thing will help you find your dog stuff. Your dog. We'll help you find everybody. We're fucking following you. We're seeing everything you guys do. We literally just allowed the government. We put cameras on all of our doors so that like a bunch of idiots so the government can just fucking. Log right in and link them all together. There were two if. If it's not the one I'm thinking of, then there were two lost dog commercials because one it. It basically cured racism by finding a dog and helping your neighbor cut down a tree. Which. Oh, I saw that one too. Yeah. That was a stretch. There were a lot and and and every year there's a couple, but there were some tone deaf commercials this. Year there was a few there was a few.

6:31 You know my my one of my favorites, and I hope so many don't get offended by this. But was was like the the don't hate the Jews. Yeah. I was like, is that you just compared that to to black people? I yeah. How do you feel about that? Because I would be. Very upset about you. I'm black, but you, you know, it's like I can't do this. What the fuck? It was really weird. I. Didn't watch the Super Bowl. I got to be honest with you. I just didn't give a shit about it. But I didn't. See a. Lot of the commercials I watched power Rescue, but I did see the commercial with Pepsi and they had the the two bears hugging each other. Remember like the CEO and whatever else, to me, only when I watched that was kind of. Fun, dude. That was funny because I was like, did they just take a shot at that Coldplay couple?

7:14 Yeah, that was like great job. They took a shot at Coke and Coldplay. I was like, done you guys. That was that was some shade that was thrown and I respect it that. Just pissed me off. Man, I also really liked the Duncan commercial with everybody from the 90s. Literally everybody it was so creepy. I what's up was like this is so weird like do they look like this or they AI them and. No, they they digged them, especially Ted Danson. Oh, so weird. What about? You you bring up that camera thing. I want to tell you what they're what they're saying with the FBI. So they're saying this whole camera situation with this, trying to figure out who kidnapped this, you know, his mother, she didn't pay for the cloud service. So they contacted Nest, which is owned by Google, and they got a warrant.

7:58 And even though it's still you, 'cause you know you can have one and still get notifications or watch it live, they went in and got the damn footage. Oh my God, take your cameras down, everybody. Take your cameras off your. House just Oh my God, I hate to be that conspiracy theorist but at some point, like, it's coincidences man, come on. Dude, if we're going to go down this road, I saw it was like a picture of Benjin Netanyahu, the Israeli guy, when I was the Prime Minister or whatever. He was holding his cell phone and he had tape over his cameras. Oh yeah. I've heard about. That like like if the if a president of a country or Prime Minister is putting tape on their cell phone, maybe we should be doing that too It's. Wild.

8:43 God, you'd see some boring shit in my life or like dude. Yeah, but then but then like let's you get in trouble and they finally, all the CIA has to do is just type in your name and it's every porn search you ever looked at videos of you jerking off and all kinds of weird shit. Like fuck that. Think about how much porn you watch on your phone. Oh, the phone. OK, it's. Not like I don't use my laptop for. That Jen. You. Jen does. That's why her computer went bad. I only know so. Aids. I gave it AIDS. Yeah, yeah. You can't do that. You can, Jen, you should know better. You can't look at, you can't look at porn on a computer. You have to use a mobile. We had to. I mean technically would it be our fault because she has porn comments that she's going to read later so she's doing it for the show? Don't play, it's her fault, the play boss. I mean, it was her idea to do this segment, so I'm going back to blaming Jen.

9:30 Perfect. Perfect well since since we're on the subject of you Jen, I wanted something I wanted to point out before we move on. It was right before the show started and I sent this over to the crew, but I want to put this up on on the screen as well. We got a really nice message about you Jen and considering the hate you get from Nico's bitch ass like you're 1 only haters and literally nobody else. But it was really nice that this listener sent this in and and it's up on the screen, but I'll read it for those of you that can't see it says yo going back and re listening to the old shows when you guys were interviewing the girls. I'm so freaking glad you guys went with two N 2 N Jen, obviously the four of you all talk like you 4 of them were childhood friends instead of just knowing each other for a few months. Just re listen to some of the other contestants and they're making my skin crawl. Whatever.

10:12 Some of them were really bad. There was 1 specifically that was terrible. But but anyway, Jen, we're happy to to have you clearly the listeners live show. There's one contestant who can suck a Dick, but I do I, I still do enjoy listening. Like I, I've gone back and listened because I was, I was on the road for a weekend and I was going to see my, my brand new nephew. So I had to drive for like a couple of hours and I. Brand new nephew. Yeah, my sister just had a baby. Like it's just. Weird. It's just weird what you said. Yeah, it's kind of brand new, like a new toy. Well, I, I, I, I kind of, because I, I get to shape him and mold him into the little smart ass that I, because I told her straight up when, when that baby was born. I'm like, I'm going to teach him so many swear words. It's going to be.

11:03 Great middle finger. He's my This is my first nephew or niece. I don't have any nephews or nieces until now. So now I get to finally, you know, be the drunk uncle. That's crazy that nobody wants to be. Around I'm. Excited. This is what I've wanted for or I've wanted my whole life, but I liked Kira and Timo Lara. Oh, you, they were great for sure. I did too. Yes, they're good people. And and honestly. And Jamie, I forgot. Yeah. Yeah. I forgot her name for a second. And then the other one that sucked. But yeah. But either way, we definitely made the best choice possible. And and and and again, nothing. But nothing against Keira, nothing against team with great people still have communications with them. We love them.

11:45 They love them, They showed. The door of it. Yeah, they. Yeah, they're. Good people, good people so. We Yeah. All right, with all that being said, you guys ready to give us some random facts real quick? Yeah, you're gonna learn. Today you're gonna learn something. Yay. Learning. Random facts. All right, I got a couple. I'll start off with one and then we'll just go around the room. My first one is, well, you know what I mean? I got to be such a Dick all the time because maybe there's people listening who'd never have watched the show and maybe haven't connected the dots that were not in the same room. He's under a lot of stress. He's got a grandma in the backroom. The sack of potatoes next to is fucking Ocean Spray cranberry juice.

12:34 Is that why you have the Ocean Spray cranberry juice for the old lady you fucking kidnapped? And A and A and a bowl full of hard candies. The ones that the ones that are shaped. Yeah, no, the strawberry ones that you did that don't have like. Yeah, those. Are the best. It'll be the worst to feed her too. He's like I got her but I don't know what to feed her. Hard candy and Golden Corral. That's perfect. That's all you got to ensure. Sure, yeah. Gotta make sure your stomach's OK. All right, so my first one is there are sounds your body makes that you will never hear because your brain filters them out. Really. It like it mutes certain things, so like blood flow and shit like this, different things that are happening, your eyes moving and stuff like that that actually makes sounds, but your brain, Oh my God, that's not so you can't hear it is. It there there's a room that I don't know if y'all have seen the the, the, the it's a meme and a news story, but there's a room that's so soundproof that no one can stay in it for longer than 45 minutes because you start to hear your blood moving and I, I kind of went, I kind of want to try that to be honest. That sounds kind of cool.

13:36 That's. Weird. Yeah, you. Like take a couple mushrooms and fuck it all, suddenly start hearing your blood. Yeah, right. Fuck that would freak me the fuck out. Here's here's a weird one. Male elephants can control their junk the same way they control their trunks. So like they used to swat flies and prop themselves. So literally a a elephant. 'S Dick could just be. Like going all over the place that I kind of wish I could do that. Are you? Seeing an elephant's Dick can be a fly swatter. They yeah, they use their Dicks to swat flies. Like another tail or trunk? Yeah, basically. Their trunks. Their trunks, like grab things and shit. Can their Dick do that too? According to according to this which I would love if my Dick could do that just like say excuse me which which way is the gas station?

14:24 That way go go gadget Dick. You're damn right. Can they get their little trunk to go down and suck its own Dick? I don't know why. I have. Not a valid question. I haven't made that far into the Internet yet. And you say why, but that is a valid question. To be fair, Jen was gone when we needed her because Mikey had to take over. Jen is our Animal Pete genitalia researcher. When did I get that special badge? When you were gone and we nominated you, yeah. That's as long as you don't nut in his own trunk. You know, that's getting, it's kind of gay. Fucking drowned. That's definitely. He's got junk in the trunk.

15:06 Oh, nut in the trunk. What you gonna do with all that junk inside your trunk? My God. Who's next? I'll go. Did you know Vincent van Gogh only sold a single one of his paintings like himself? Only one. One. Yeah, yeah. So everything that was sold was after he died. He never sold anything other than one God. This is interesting. So the last part of his life, he's like, my heart might suck. Basically, yeah. Cut his ear off and everything. How sad. Like he's only cuts his ear off fucking. His life is plagued with tragedy. It really is. I I went to that, to that Van Gogh museum, like that travelling museum, whatever that comes up every once in a while. It's I It's always just out of my reach whenever it comes to anywhere near me.

15:54 It was so cool, man. I really enjoyed that. Like what a really cool experience. The art was everywhere and plus it was it was just, it was more than just going and looking at the art. Like it really was an experience, like you're like immersed into it. It was really cool. That's. Neat. All right, so my facts today, and I got one right now, but it's all based on things I've learned this week in school, 'cause you know, I'm paying thousands of dollars to go to school, but might as well just share them, Educate us. We've all heard about how you share bad experiences, right? So the latest stats on this people usually tell people about bad experiences more than they do good ones. We've all heard that, right? On average, customers share a positive experience with nine people, but negative they share between 9:00 to 15 people. Because people just want to complain. Yeah, and 13% of unhappy customers spread it to 20 or more.

16:43 So if you're really pissed, you tell up to 20 people or more about whatever, no. One ever talks about their good days that people just want to bitch. But but Even so, like like the point of the customer, like you're saying like what a what a that's shitty. You know, thinking about a business, a poor business, they could be the best business there is, but barely anybody's going to talk about how great their experience was there. But as soon as somebody has one bad experience. I, I, that's what a manager told me that quite a few years ago. He's like, people are much quicker to go online and Yelp a bad, a bad experience they had than a good one. Like if you, because that's, and that's why we had to constantly tell people, you know, at the end of their meal, like, hey, if you guys enjoyed yourself, you know, leave us a review, you know, leave mention my name, you know, because I'll get all kinds of, you know, they, they give us points and perks and all kinds of shit just because, like they said, they're so much quicker to be like fucking my fries were two minutes away from my, from my entree. They didn't bring them at the same time. Fuck this place.

17:41 Yeah, you can have a bad waiter or waitress and the Cook's perfectly fine. Or the waiter or waitress screwed up the order but doesn't mean to play. Sucks overall. No, there's there's there's things that I do to make sure that you know, I can separate myself from any kind of blame. Like when you give me your order, if I have a table of four, give me your order. I'm going to look each one of you in the eye. Repeat back what you said to me because we have food runners. So if anything comes out wrong, I just told you what you ordered. So if it comes out wrong, that is on them. I can fix it. But don't be mad at me. They're. Still going to be mad at you? Of course they're. Going to. Be my next one here is there are vending machines in Japan that sell live beetles and used underwear. Not, not together, not like you can go with my beetle and used. On the same vending machine.

18:30 But I don't know why. I mean, why used underwear? Yeah, that I knew because. We talked about many times there's a market we were. Doing radio, but yeah, Japan's. Weird, man, there's a big market for that stuff. The vending machines, Yeah, People like to sniff them. I don't get it. I've never understood that. Like like there's feet are one thing. I don't like it, but to an extent I can see why somebody else would if that makes. Sense. Sure. Yeah, yeah. Like the underwear thing, like that's that's rubbing against somebody's like pussy and asshole all day. But what about what about people who like, you know, they buy the bathwater and stuff like that? Oh, like drink the bathwater.

19:13 Yeah, they buy the bathwater. Or like like a jar of farts. Oh my God. I actually, I actually might know. I haven't seen the person, it's like 15 years, but I actually might know a person that's that sells ball or farts or burps. I don't know what it is. I haven't talked to them in like 12 years. Do you think there's a market for us to sell hard burps and farts? One of them I think so I. Definitely it was Jen. I have a price, have a price. Somebody ever got a crab smelling panties like in their nose with the little hair? Oh yeah, I bet someone would pay extra for that too. They probably won. You think that? Would like live up in your nose hairs? Wow, like a little ratatouille for. You wonder if it's possible.

19:57 Crab Crabatouille. Hey, don't blame me, Jesus made my mind this way. Anyway, did you know that tic Tacs are almost pure sugar, but since each one has at least 0.5g, they are legally allowed to round down and say there's they're sugar free because the government's lying to you about. Everything I've heard that. Everything's fake, everything. 'S fake and gay. Mary Shelley, the novelist she lost. She lost her virginity on her mother's grave. That's gangster. And a bonus bonus piece that she was such a nut she after her husband died, she also kept his heart wrapped in a desk drawer around a poem that he wrote. That's love.

20:43 I don't care what anybody says that. That is the original goth bitch right there. Yeah, badass. That's fucking crazy. Though I wouldn't be very good at keeping somebody's heart. I'm just like, oh, the next thing you know, my dog Jabarcus ate it. That's when. Jabarcus, I can't until I too sent that video yesterday and I died laughing. Explain what happened. So this video, I'm sure people have seen this online. I guess it's been going around. I had never seen it until yesterday, but it is. But it is a woman who has a little white dog as a black lady. She has this little white dog and the dog's name is Jabarcus, which is the greatest name I've ever heard for a dog.

21:29 I know I want to call the vet. No, my next dog is seriously going to be called Jabarcus. I'm like, yeah, Jabarcus Mastro. I was like, I was telling everybody like, we're changing. We have a little dog, a little black dog. And I was like, we're changing her name to, we're changing Lucy's name to Jabarcus. She's Jabarcus from now on. And my, my wife is like, why? Because she's black. That's racist. And I'm like, well, I mean, I guess it kind of is. You're right. That was fucked up. Dude, I want a name. It's a great name. I'm going to. I'm going to post in the group best dog name wins like but it has to be your actual dog's name. Oh my damn. Dog has the best name. Yeah, mine's just Dexter after the serial killer because my daughter loves it. That's that. Mine's pretty simple. My dog's name's Bell and the other one's Lucy. Yeah, mine's got three legs, and his name's Tripp. That's a great like new wing.

22:14 That's a good way. I love that a good way I'm. Not getting a dog until I move out of here. That's a good idea all. Right. So we just had the Super Bowl this past Sunday. If you watched it, and you know, they always have, people watch for the commercials, they watch for the game, they watch for both, whatever it is. Back in 2018, they ran Dundee. The son of a legend returns home. You guys remember this? People thought it was going to be a real movie. That was Chris Hemsworth, I think. Yes, and one of my favorites. Danny, What's his Danny McBride bride? Yeah, He was supposed to be the son. Well, it was done out of Australia for a reason. This was really smart. They wanted people to travel to Australia. People had the declines in North America. Yeah, so they got the tourist numbers up because people all of a sudden start having more interest in Australia, 30% of growth in US travel sells overall because of that Super Bowl ad.

23:16 It worked. For marketing is marketing is so fucking weird. Yeah, it is. That's. Crazy. But you're like, I want to go, so I do. I do know a lady that is from Australia. She lives here now and I always asked her about every time I ever see her. I always asked her about like, Kangaroos. And she's like, yeah, they run around everywhere. I was like, oh, they're basically. Australia's rodents. Yeah, they're like everywhere, like I'm self like, do you just walk up and walk outside your house and they're just fighting? She's like sometimes. Awesome. So OK. How would her not for the? Kangaroo fights videos then If they're just out there just beating the shit out of each other, I want to see this. I always see him boxing. I'm grown man. That's the only videos I ever see. Not each other, just a grown man.

23:56 On YouTube just. Go do research. Tonight. Gets his ass kicked by a fucking. Kangaroo, I don't care. How big you are? Like we, we talked about this, they're like 50% of their body weight is muscle and they can, their legs carry like 800 lbs of force. It's their bites comparable to we all. They're they're, they're monsters. We all watched that video of that one, grabbed the dog and that dude punched that damn kangaroo in the face. What the fuck? And they and it it got bigger. Yeah, it did. Yeah, because he's like. Squared up yeah he's like oh I'm sorry I didn't know we started you like the. Memes too. It's like they've been to prison, you know, like they work out in. Prison like they look. Like they're going whoop your ass. And I would 100% eat kangaroo if somebody fucking around here sold it. I'd throw that shit on the grill in a heartbeat. You know, I got there's AI, don't have any here, but there was a, there's a place up the hill that sells kangaroo jerky. Shut the fuck up.

24:51 Are you serious? Can that be verified though? Like, 'cause they like, I don't know as what to say, 'cause you just heard my tic tac thing. They they everything's fake and gay. Yeah, it's, I mean that. Might not even be kangaroo. That might be fucking just like. Raccoon. Yeah, it could be anything. This is fucking street meat. Who's? The elephant trunk after it sucked itself off. It could be. Before we get into Florida, Man, I got to ask you guys a question because I don't know if this is real. In the stroker, Ian, there was a video or a picture of a guy from the past week or so who was like laying on the ground and he was covered in iguanas that were frozen, supposedly frozen that fell on him or something like that. Is that real?

25:35 I do think so, but they didn't know that he just gathered them all up because there was a news story that, yeah, they were talking about it. And yeah, I mean. But it was real. Yeah, iguana, every year the news talks about this iguana's just falling out of trees because it gets so goddamn cold to you sometimes. Like 2 weeks ago it was 2926°. So yeah. And they're cold blooded so they freeze and just fall out of the tree. Let me get to Florida news because I got it. We can't really discuss this. Let's get into that. Florida man, loose and wild, breaking all the headlines. Crocodiles down from the Keys to the Panhandle. He don't quit living life loud with the wildness. All right, so you want to go iguanas? We'll talk about it.

26:29 We had that cold snap here in Florida and you know, it was 20° like a week ago here and people are freaking the fuck out. We had snow last year. We don't know. We can't handle that shit. Here you guys get crazy when that. Happened. Yeah, we cannot. We can, we can handle hurricanes like a fucking champion, but if it goes below 32, oh, I don't know what's going to happen. Shut up back there. He's still yelling at Miss Ethel. He's. Can't shut the fuck up. I need my denture solution. No one cares. Shut up, bitch. Hope he does that all randomly throughout the show. Well, we live, we live in Northwest Florida, the Panhandle area. We do not have iguanas here. I just want you to know that they're further like really S to go and see the iguanas.

27:13 They are, they are everywhere there and they are kind of like rodents people. They shoot them. You're allowed to just shoot them because they're just annoying for the people. Well, South Florida. Recently I love Florida man. Can I see can Can you just shoot anything that's annoying in Florida? Can you shoot annoying people? Only if they break into your house. All right, Oh, you got to have a you don't with stand your ground state. So as long as you stood your ground like I was. Come over here. Tell them. I'm just waiting for my day. Oh my God, here we go. South Florida recently experienced that stretch of cold temperatures down there like we did here. It was freezing. And yeah, those iguanas, they were, they like freeze up. They're still alive.

27:54 They just fall out of the fucking tree. They'll hit people in the head. They warn people like, watch out for them, They're falling. That's crazy. Yeah, they can walk by and all of a sudden the iguana just falls on you. It it happens, Well, why? Love Officials warn residents not to panic if they saw reptiles in the, you know, on sidewalks or yards. They weren't dead. They're just, they're cold, stunned. They're just frozen. Yeah, they're. Frozen. They're just like, oh please warm us back up. Just like us Floridians. Well, social media, however, grabbed the moment and ran with it. And people were talking about how they love and you can look this up online if you think I'm bullshitting you. There is iguana recipes and people were putting pizzas of iguanas on pizza. I bet it goes great and some gumbo. I bet Iguana is good.

28:42 I don't. I would. Imagine it. Hey, I've, I've, I've had, I've had stranger meats than iguana. I've had possum. What kind of meats? I just said y'all were too busy going sexual like you the fucking children that you are. Are you new here? Get out of here. You gotta be careful with what you say. Yeah, I really heard the first half. I don't know what you said. The second part, well, I. I think that story deserves an elderly Flamingo. Oh, there she is. I told you Ian's about to get that. That's. I hope the SWAT team busted the door. He's got miss. What's her name saying? Guthrie. Guthrie. I got miss Conor Nana listen let.

29:22 Me, let me just say this if if something really bad happens between now and Thursday when this episode comes out to her mom, we apologize for anything that we say moving forward and out before this. We're sorry we didn't. Know because my registered address is still my. Mother, first of all, I don't believe she's alive. She's already. She's dead. I didn't hope that. I just think it's an awful situation. I think it is. Time just airs in two days from now. Yeah, There'll be a whole lot more details out there. Just who's behind it, you know, What's the situation? We'll find out. Which I mean, I really do hope they find her alive. I want truly to want to put that out there. It's just I just like to laugh at fucked up shit, all right? A Florida man tried to skip out on a restaurant bill after racking up more than $60.00 in food and drinks. Look at him, he's going wild.

30:09 Staff said he claimed he couldn't pay and left behind bank cards and as security, which later turned out to be empty. He promised he'd returned the next day to settle the tab. Instead, he walked back in late the following night looking for his phone charger. He had forgotten. Idiot you dipshit. What a dumb ass. Well, they called police, deputies arrived, they arrested the dude and like, hey, you didn't pay your fucking bill. 60 bucks so. I had a friend who did. Something similar. He, he had a, he just upgraded his phone. He still had his old phone and he just he's like, let me leave my phone here and I'll be right back to pay my bill. Motherfucker never showed up again.

30:50 So he, he just left a phone he was never using again. So I'm like, I hate, listen, I hate a thief. That was kind of smart. That's funny. I. Don't know a rideshare driver in South Florida survived A terrifying ordeal when her passenger began groping her while she was driving. The attack calls her to lose control of the SUV. She slammed into another vehicle and the crash into AI. Guess she end up crashing like this nearby building not sure what kind of building. Witnesses said they heard the impact, which that's a good that's a good crash when you can hear it and they saw the driver trapped in the wreckage in shock. She was unable to move.

31:33 The passenger ran off immediately after the crash but didn't make it far. He accidentally left his phone behind an SUV, making it pretty easy to track the fucker down. Police arrested him shortly after and charged him with battery and some kind of negligence. He remains in custody as of with the print out of this article. Also if you use a rideshare like they have all your information you. Look at that. Don't grope the driver. No, what? What does you should not even be said. That's. Really. Why I don't like Rd. head? OK, I know it's it's I know a lot of people like it, but I have ADHD. If a plastic bag's on the on the road, I'm going to get distracted, put my Dick in your mouth, we're going to die.

32:15 You're an ass. I missed that. Segment How's my ass? I missed that segment we used to do on the air. What was it? Uber. Uber confessions. Oh, Uber confessions, that was great. The driver had a threesome with two chicks that were drunk with that guy. One was doing coke with them. We had all kinds of crazy stuff. Yeah, we. Had Uber drivers would call in and tell us yeah. That's wild. Yeah, that was a good segment. If you're an Uber driver or drive for Lyft anonymously, just leave us a comment. Tell us some fucked up story. Yeah, leave us a confession. Leave a voicemail. Just be like Uber driver here and tell us what happened. How'd it be great I. Love the stories Kyle got accidentally roofied in getting in an Uber.

32:57 What? Listen to this show. OK so this was quite a few years ago but him and one of our friends were leaving a house party. I decided to stay behind. The boys wanted to go back home and as they got in, the Uber said goodbye. Whatever. I get a call like because we live 30 minutes away from this place. I get a call from him and he's like, hey, like real fucked up. And he didn't leave that fucked up. And he's like, I think, I think we were just drugged. And I'm like, what the fuck do you mean? You think you were just drugged? And I was like by the Uber driver. And he goes, yeah, well, he had little water bottles in the back seat like the, the, the here thank you take one type of thing.

33:38 And he and our friend had taken big ol swigs of them and immediately started feeling like they were all roofied up. It was so bad he had to call his mom over because he was like, I might need to go to the hospital. And after all of was said and done, like we don't know if it was the Uber driver that had that shit back there or if it was someone before them had left him in, but he was definitely like, roofied. Yeah. Damn, that's because I've been in a lot of Ubers where they have like waters and shit in the back freak gum or something like like that. Like oh this is so nice thanks I appreciate that. I'm guess I'm never going to drink that shit again. Don't do that. I accidentally ruber Uber roofied myself.

34:22 You did. No, how do you, it was me. I won't tell you who it is, but it was a attorney friend of mine and we were out and it was middle of the day and they're like, from what I gather now was like, don't eat all these fruums. I don't remember shit after that between that and the drink and whoo. Man, I don't really like to meet. This person, whoever it was. I know whoever it was, I slept. Finally, I slept for a good eight hours. So I was like, whoa, this is good. You'll act like that's a lot. That's nothing to me. Like I I sleep at least 12 y'all I don't know. Me, yeah. I got a good. 8 hours I'm like you should be you must be tired. I I I get an average five. Yeah, maybe. 5 or 6 for me every night.

35:02 Fucking wild. To. Me that's a nap sucks. I wake up every night at 2:00 AM, used to do prep and then go back to sleep maybe 30 minutes. Wake up at 4:00 and then I take a nap about 11:30. That would make me sad dude. No, I don't. Know how y'all do this? That's my girlfriend. I'm literally in her phone as sleepyhead because I fucking sleep so much. Like it's, it's I should, I should be like normally I, I think I'm dead half the time. Maybe there's something wrong with you. Maybe you're sick. That's what I thought, I'm like am I like pre diabetic or something because I sleep way too much for somebody who's not sick. Low iron. Yeah, if I could be a kid, I could sleep like that. I think life just became shitty. You used to waking up early. Life just doesn't.

35:43 Affect well that is just like I wake up and my mind is I'm always I'm always working on something and my mind is always thinking like I wish it would just if I could shut it down, I just. Can't seem to do it. That's weird. The first thing I think of when I wake up is, man, I can't wait to go back to bed. No, I need y'all. Just wake up like, what is everybody doing today? What am I? How am I going to get something? What am I eating? What am I wearing? What am I doing? Fuck. All that. Oh yeah, I want to think about the podcast at like 3:30. I'm like nobody's up. I thought about the podcast 30 minutes before we did the podcast. I'm like, yeah. My mind just fucked up. Yeah. Preschool LM employee in Florida here. Made a shocking discovery while helping a young child look for a paper inside the backpack was a handgun tucked inside there. Like deputies were on the scene within a minute. Shitty parent.

36:33 Shitty parent fuck. Investigators later arrested the child's parent for unsafe firearm storage. Yeah, good. You probably should. Your kid does not need to just grab a gun and put it in a book bag. That's that's so scary. I mean, as gun owners, we're all gun owners. Like that is like #1 rule. Have it safely put away like. Preschool. I don't even know I. Was. Probably. Negligent. 12 or 13 before I held my first gun, but I was obviously, you know, in a very safe environment when I was being taught how to, how to properly use them. Shit, I was even older than that. I think I was probably more like 18 years old the first time I ever. Oh, I know that's different.

37:16 It's a little bit different. I was in Ohio and I was nobody. Has yeah, I was probably 3 hell out. The first armed robbery I recall is I think I was 9. I went up there with ABB gun gas station, robbed them, robbed that bitch. No BB guns were. Different like I had a yeah, but I mean I had guns in my room though, like shotguns. It was fine. It was like never thought about shooting anybody but I did go to the gas station and point my BB gun at her and then that bitch laughed at me and told my grandmother I got. My there it is. It's all right. Guess what? I bet I'm the only ones that ever robbed a gas station on this show. That's. Because I didn't get caught. Yeah. I used to. I worked at a gas station and stole from them every single day. Cigarettes.

37:58 There was a gas. Station by this place I used to live when I was like 20. I robbed those motherfuckers blind every time I went in there. That was a good noodle. Now he. Has upgraded his crimes to kidnapping old granny's. Well, it's only kidnapping if they find her, yeah. To hail. Well, we'll get emails this week 'cause I bet between now and Thursday a lot of details will be out. Yeah, at ntds.com. Substitute teacher in Florida. Don't check my e-mail. I believe it. A substitute teacher in Florida was arrested after arriving on campus so intoxicated that staff immediately knew something was wrong.

38:40 Almost immediately. Oh. My God, the motherfucker just walked in, stumbling, bouncing off the walls. Oh, he's drunk. You know what? You're substitute. Teacher like you're on that they call you early like I'm not one, but they you know, they wake you up and you're like, well shit, Hey, when you should work, you might you. Might still be hungover or still drunk from the night before. Like I wonder because because we have a friend that's a substitute teacher. I'm like, how many times you work with these little motherfuckers and you might have a little bit of a buzz go. I'm not saying intoxicated, but maybe like you said, you were still drunk from the night before. Well, they do immediately. Like you didn't even try to cover it up. Our friend, Our friend that's a substitute teacher.

39:21 Is he trying to be a teacher? Is that like his goal? I don't. Think so. What the fuck? Is he even doing No offense to him, it doesn't strike me as you know, a full time teacher like this might just be for for the money and and the story. Well, I told him you can, he has his degree in psychology and I, that's right. You can, you can special in something and then be able to teach that you can do it. I mean, they can do it. Whatever your specialty is, you could, but you have to go take more tests to say I'm an English teacher or I'm a math teacher or whatever else. But anyway, all right, there you go. That is what happened in Florida so far. But give us time because by next week we're going to be more fucked up. Shit, the weather's getting warmer. Every single week is always something and. We don't slow down.

40:07 We are. We are. We're winterproof with our stupidity, if anything. Oh yeah, I just saw a local. Yeah, local guy got arrested. He's missing half his teeth. I'm like, oh God, I saw that guy and one of the damage posted it making fun of Florida. Don't realize that's about an hour between where Ian and I live. I'm like, yeah, that guy's ugly as fuck. Yeah. Like, and somebody even quoted me saying he had March Madness teeth. I'm like, see, it's catching on March down to the final. Four. That's hilarious. All right, thank you very much, Stroker. Appreciate that. And so we, this was something we were going to do on Tuesday's episode, but we were having talk with Jen's computer if I decided to take a shit. So it's all Jen's fault.

40:48 But I'm going to turn it over to Jen now as she is going to read us. We're going to jump into the comments section today, and it's going to be the Pornhub comments section. Oh yeah, boy do I got some good ones for you today. So, as I've done in the past, I'll read you their username because sometimes those are fantastic. This first one comes from Judy Pie. Yes, Judy Pie. Damn, what's with the music? I'm trying to bust a nut, not bust a move. Wait, these are so good. Like I want to dance. So is Judy Pie a man? Because I don't hear women talking about busting nuts. That's just that's confusing. Do women talk like that, Jen? No, no, we don't talk about busting or no. Wow, I, I, I think maybe six months ago, I heard AI overheard a woman talk about how she like when her boyfriend goes down on her, she calls it getting head. I'm like, please don't call it that. Please don't call it that.

41:38 I do, I do call it getting head. No. Do you? Don't do that. No, Yeah, I do. I do. That's awesome. What do you want? What do you want her to call it? Get my pussy. Going down on eating pussy, lick the box, whatever, I don't. Give a shit, lick the box. Yeah, I don't want anybody like give it. I gave her head. No, I don't like that. That's super gay. That's really gay. It really is. All right, this next one comes from Sola Syria. Porn is cool and all, but do you ever just want to die? Wow. You know, get offline. Way to kill the boner. I think you've watched it enough porn. Yeah, you need to get offline for a little bit might. Be time, but it did have 20 / 20,000 likes so thumbs up to wanting to die.

42:24 Wow, I didn't know that many people were checking the comments. Yeah, I only, I can only go over it. If you could make money off of it, who cares? Yeah, Florida become that stupid state where, you know, we have a lot of things right but along wrong things, many of them and porn you have to like log in and give your information and I won't go. There's a couple that I know like still log into because they just don't give a fuck about the Florida law. But I'm like, they don't upgrade it. I'm like, can you guys do something different? I'm like, I've watched all these. I've seen all these videos, I need you guys to refresh the all the fun in. My category anyway you. Know it's just. It's like me with Netflix. I've seen all this shit. I'm just trying to. I'm just I I spend more time browsing than I do watching the shit. Yeah, that's the truth.

43:05 Yeah, I get tired. I'm like, damn, I don't. Even want to do this anymore? Now I'm. Not even hard anymore. I'm just going to go to bed now, at least the time. All right, Hey, hey, says says. Wow, this girl would. This girl would be a lot cuter with a Dick. What? The. What the fuck? I fucked, I fucked and Frank, 2000 said. Bro that is a great name by the way. What the fuck? I fucked Anne Frank, 2000. This is the. Second, I almost wish he had a clip of the porn so we could understand it more. I know right? Oh. But we can't actually show it to people. Well, I know. And Jen would pull. We could put shit on us and we'd be like, oh.

43:46 I know it's true. But like you would think that Florida man would do it more but this this bit makes me realize how much of a mistake humanity was. What is wrong with people that you would look at a girl and she would be bad? She just had a Dick. With the pitch eater. Just something. Gay. I know, just accept it. Can I ask you guys a question? You know what I don't like? When you're trying to watch lesbians and you have the one with the strap on fucking the other one. I'm like, I don't want to watch this. I just don't. What's the point I. Don't care for it either. OK. Scissors No, I don't want to watch your fake Dick and. I don't know, Yeah, like if I'm going to if I'm going to see that, I'm going to just watch a dude rail the chick or what's funny to. Me is when the because because every once in a while you know that video will will be on and the one wearing it moaning like she has an actual Dick.

44:38 I'm like this bitch stupid as fuck. What the why are you even? Why are you moaning? What are you moaning for? She's got her hair cut, Ian. You know, she's like, take this Dick. Oh, like yours? Yeah, well, you have a lesbian haircut too. You both. Do yeah, you want a scissor? Actually, realistically. So close. I've seen lesbians come through my bar that have every single one of our haircuts. Yeah, that's fair. All right, Aqua Tits says. Damn that. Aqua Tits. Let's just appreciate that. Actually, I'm gonna change my name to Aqua Tits. You said that's a good name. Aqua tit says damn that cock is huge, but you want to know what else is huge? My love for Jesus.

45:22 Can I get a Amen? No. I have a question. Is Aqua tit one word or two? It is a apostrophe OK Aqua tit. Sticks in there? Oh, I have to. Can't put Jesus on a pornhub comment, I just feel. Like it's wrong. Yeah, that does seem a little wrong. I got one. I got one more for you here. This one is from Naruto Kid 2006. You know what's funny? We're like a. Kid in your. You know what's funny? It's like, hey, we're like, can you find some comments? She's like, no problem. 5 minutes later she's done like. What do you? Want. It makes me want you could. Realistically, you could do this segment by watching 1 video. Just keep. Scrolling I I wouldn't be surprised if she only went to one video and just kept looking at all these fucking idiots.

46:07 Until there's until you started doing this segment, have you ever read the comments? I don't read the comments. Well, OK, I sometimes just if it's like the most ridiculous video ever and I'm like, this is some bullshit. Let me see what's what people say. And that's kind of like where I started with it. I'm like, oh, these were pretty funny, these. Are. Good. OK but Naruto Kid 2006 says my boner. My boner died entirely when she said trust me I know at one minute 40 seconds. How does she know? How does she know how good a blowjob feels? That sounds like a fucking lie. And there is nothing my cock hates more than liars. Fuck you.

46:50 See this, That's a great comment. Because I can, I got to wonder if that guy's actually serious. He might be for like what he's saying. He might really feel that way about that situation. Or there could just be stand up comedians in this world going to public comments and just fucking killing it. Yeah, in which case, standing ovation, fellas. And. Ladies, keep it up. That's great. Like just go to just go on Pornhub and just troll people. That sounds like a good time. I enjoy it. You know, you know, stand up comedians will go and and they'll do like they'll just do an open mic night to kind of work some new material. Maybe just do that on in the Pornhub comments from now on and see how that goes. You get a bunch of likes. That's a good joke. Dude, that's actually not a bad idea. I know.

47:32 I've been saying forever that this show, because like this show needs to be on Pornhub. Put us on. There no reason whatsoever other than we can say that we are and no other podcast can. How how do we get on there? I have no idea how to load, someone said. I think you just got to create an account and. Like create an account and just upload the videos. Oh my God, the comments. I don't want to see these fucking people, Oh my God. They look so great. When are they going to fuck? When are they going to fuck? Why are we not on there every episode? Let's. Do it. Oh my God, that's funny. No y'all are laughing. I'm dead serious. I would pay 100% love for our videos to get in Pornhub. Go for.

48:15 It again. Go forward, Ian, I don't have an account. Yeah, I run into people sometimes. I run into people and I have my stupid hat on and my glasses, they're like, are you famous? And I'm like, yeah, but now I can go Pornhub. Pornhub. Look me up on my pornhub. On our business cards it says Spotify, YouTube, Patreon, Pornhub. That'd be great. Also I can't put them on Pornhub because I live in Florida and without a VPNI can't get on it. I ain't telling the governor what kind of shit I watch. I mean, this, I'll tell, is mills and lesbians. Pretty much. That's pretty much it. Threesome because that's, you know. It's like, why the government? Why does the government want to know why? Why do you care? What? I don't know. I don't agree with that. A lot of things I like. Because Mike Johnson's sharing his porn activity with his kids, so we got to share our activity with the government. Jesus.

48:59 Christ, I agree with that. Yeah, Some things I don't agree with. That's one. Yeah, that's just one more thing that fucking government wants to control is when and how you ejaculate. And to what. To that I say no thanks. I thought this was America. I thought this was too. And it's not. Anyway, there's that music. Fucking Nazi China or something, I don't know what this is North. Korea. Well, nobody. Nobody jacks off in North Korea. One thing California. Not without permission. Still is. You can still get on Pornhub. I have to kill the governor. The governor, What I'm watching. Oh, they encourage it. They teach that in school. It's like this California, they don't give a fuck. Let's move right along into confessions. So I will warn you guys, some of these confessions you may have potentially heard before.

49:50 I wanted there was some really good ones that didn't make it out on that last episode that we had not last episode, but the episode before because there was some tech problems. And I want people to make sure they that they know we're reading their their confessions. So but some of these are new as well. And we'll start off with this very first one. Here it is. I'm afraid to fight a deaf person. They know how to throw hands. Clearly that is a joke, but confession that. Somebody said it. It's. Not even a good dad joke. I'm still out there doing dad jokes all day, but this one it. Was OK, It was OK. I give it up. Minus I'll tell you what's funny if a deaf dude beats your ass though. And then? Afterwards it gives you silent. Lakers going fuck. You, I done fucked you up. Fuck you.

50:32 Good to do. What? I can't see you. Fuck you going to do all right anyway, we're fucked up. Next one since I came home and found my dog too. I got my comrack so. My dog likes he likes period stuff. Jesus Christ. Most dogs do actually. My little, well not most dogs but I think little dogs because our little dog did the same thing. Every one of our garbage cans now has a lid on it because he was getting into shit and and period stuff. Or she was. Yeah, yeah, they love. They love like they love menstrual. It's gross. A little menstrual dog. I was not. Aware of that.

51:15 Oh, yes, I mean this blood. Think about it. I mean, if you're a dog, that's. It's so gross. I'm trying to think about it. I can't connect the. Next thing you know, they're running around with a tampon in their mouth and you're trying to chase them going. Get the fuck out of here Dexter, you nasty fuck. Jabarkas, you nasty fuck. Jabarkas you stupid dog. Get the fuck out of here. Nasty. Pulling the string out of his mouth. Whose is this? Oh, gross. This next one I had to leave in here from last week because we didn't really get clarification on it and it kind of ignored it Says IA. Few years ago I pegged Ian twice. Just want to put that out there.

51:55 And I'm going to do the same thing that I did 2 weeks ago. Deny it. I mean, but you, you can deny it, but I mean this just say it's not true. If it's not true, it's not true. I'm literally denying that that happened. Oh OK. That's what denying is. Stroke. I just want you to clarify like I'm just going to deny. I want you to say I don't want to fuck me in the ass. Yeah, no one's fucked me the ass. OK, right I. Believe you I. Believe. You do we, do we. Aqua tits. This one says ha ha, that that I'm the one that left the water sport confession a couple weeks ago talking about they would like to get they were turned on by Stroke talking about water sports. But Stroke's theory is wrong when he's whatever your theory was about people who maybe get peed on or something.

52:40 Maybe they were sitting in their diaper for too long when they were younger and they get into I don't know. Anyway, she says she has daddy issues. Oh that's I mean that when you have daddy issues that that's that sucks with a lot of fucked up shit. I think there's still a major amount of people who have wore diapers too. You might not remember, but you your mom and dad probably didn't love you enough and change your diaper. You said piss, piss diapers for a long time. Probably. I think this is probably a a pretty good theory. I mean, she says she has a daddy issues, he never gave her enough affection and now she wants men to totally dominate her so. You want to get pissed on? Maybe. Good luck, don't drown. If a girl ever, if honestly before I get to the next one, eat one of you.

53:26 Would you pee on somebody if they asked you to? Do you mean single me or do you mean now? Single you, single you, of course. If your wife asked you to, no or if. You're being there because I don't want to be with the wife that I can piss on. I don't want to be with anybody I can actually like. Right. I would, I would if, if my wife asked me. So be like, I can't do that because then I will. Yeah, it'll be totally different after this. Pissed on you, like you, I still love you, but we're. Not doing this. The. 25 year old. Yeah, and and the odds of them already being pissed on at that point, I don't want to know that. I don't know. That's true. Yeah. This next one, This next one says we were discussing. Not that damn show had sex without ever pausing the discussion.

54:12 And then they high fived afterward like it was like they just nailed a group project. So awesome. So you were fucking while talking about us. About us. The only thing that would make that better is if you were listening to us at the same time. Preferably Craigslist. Maybe they were. That segment. Really. Is people horny? It does. Yeah, or the book reading. You got, you got to, yeah, people, people like that shit. You got to you got to do Craigslist again in the next week or so. And I'm not trying to get all of our listers pregnant, man. I'm trying to control the population and spread it out. No, we let's get them, let them all get pregnant because we need more dammits. Yeah, but they don't name them after us anyway, so what's the fucking point? Even basic ass names but stroke. Seriously. I know, right? Mike, Jen, Ian. Lame fuck.

54:56 I know. You know what, name your kid Aqua tits. If you if anybody fucks deer in our podcast, please just comment. Just let us know. Yeah, if you guys, if you're, if you're like fluid enough to be doing it and still talking about us, I think that you could grab your phone and send us a message at the same time. Or a voicemail. A voicemail? Hey, guess what I'm doing right now? You know what I mean? Like whatever. It's like, guys, guess what? You hear that? Round of applause just for you. Round. Of applause. That's my girl. 'S ass just bouncing bouncing bathroom. Oh by the way, I said that video last night of that dude that plays all the sex clips from the auto auto books or whatever in Gin one. Oh my God that was so funny. I.

55:36 Need like a minute and a half clip of you reading a sex novel. I'm going to go fuck with people and spoof what that guy does at a gas station. It's really funny find. Some fucked up shit to read. Yeah, yeah. Do it. Send it to me this week. I'll do it. I'll do it this weekend if you get it to me in time. I got you. This one here says my boyfriend tried mouse on a trampoline. The mouse was too big and he kept falling off. He got little balls, little balls. That's what I'm saying, is it? Are you bragging about he's got a big peen or chances are he's got little balls? No baby balls. Sounds like the former. That's weird baby balls. Fuck is wrong with you?

56:17 Well good for him. I hope he halfway bouncing. This one is, I'm only 5 foot, almost a Midget. Midget line is what, 4949490? Well, you're very close. Versus 5 foot, I think, yeah, I think you're right. I think it's 411 and under. Yeah. So 5 foot here, almost a Midget. I used to date a guy that was 6/6 and I never had to get on my knees. He's just eye level to his Wiener. What? Do you do I hate that word? Wiener. I don't like the word Wiener. I really don't. It's the least sexy word ever. Wiener. Wiener.

56:59 Yeah, that's weird. She's so get out of. She's so little and he's already 6 foot 6. You know how big his Dick look in her hand already? Like. This. Oh, but she probably she's, she can't even put a whole hand around it, I'm sure. Yeah. Look at him. Oh, my guess. I guess it would be kind of like. Well, it's just a lifetime of ego inflation because. We talking about midgets a lot. Think we were, but it seems to be we might have. Because this person says with Midget talk from the last episode, I was terrified thinking about Midget Dicks. We had to look up that porn. I looked up the porn to see if the Midget Dick was normal size.

57:40 That's. Right. That's right, it says. When I was little, my dad was rarely around, so I watched TV with him when he was there. He always watched the horror movie Leprechaun. And I'm afraid of midgets. And I'm in my 30s. Listen. Watch free. Movie. That movie sucks. Leprechaun is a terrible movie and I remember my dad watching that when I was a kid and it was like, I maybe that's why I don't like midgets either. I don't, I don't I, I just think the movie sucks. I haven't seen this since I was a kid and it terrified me as a kid. It was bad. I agree with you. My my aunt, she I hate like she doesn't hate. She just starts laughing so hard as she sees a Midget. So I send her Midget stuff occasionally and I try to get her tickets to a Midget wrestling because they just had that recently over in East Town and we got invited to go out.

58:24 We just didn't make it. But I'm. Telling you, man. She would have pissed her pants laughing. She just can't. When they when they come here dude they pull ass man. The ones that are single they are just out. They got like 3 bitches trying to talk to them and take them home. It is insane. Midget text I tried to get, I tried to get the boardwalk to book the Midget wrestling and the owner was like Nah, that's not our lane. Like, right, That's cool. I get it. A. Couple places did it in Sacramento. I mean, they got, I think they got some coming in a couple of months. No, they just, they were just there. They just played or did the thing up babies at Goldfield or something like that. And I mean, this is a good turn out from what I saw. But he's just like, I don't care.

59:05 I don't care how many people come. I don't want them. He's afraid of them. He doesn't like me. Oh, he's just terrified. They're just like, I don't like, Yeah, the next one is I like, I like to get high and lay under a weighted blanket and ride my vibrator until I can't feel my legs. Sounds like a perfect Saturday. I mean, honestly, it doesn't sound terrible. Love that. If I had a vagina, trust me, there's a, there's like 3 or 4 songs that I that, that I play at karaoke that the bass is higher than all the other songs. And when the bass kicks in for some of them, I'll be sitting in my chair and it vibrates. It damn near vibrates me off the chair. And I'm like, man, if I was a woman right now, I'd I'd be very happy. What is this game?

59:47 Yeah. Exactly. I would not know how to maintain a pussy. Mine would stink. There's just a lot of. Work to listen to about you. Thank you for being so honest, there's a lot of work. Ever said? Seriously, there's a lot of work. And you know what? Goes into the. Yeah, a lot of maintenance. Spelling and stuff. Put that in who said it? Because like, that's you. Should I I really because I I need that sentence to last through the ages. The truth is though, I don't think any one of us men on this show would do a very good job. No. I really don't. Just based on stinkiest pussy on the show. I don't know. I mean, based on Ian's apartment, I might think it might be. Him. Oh, that's true. He'd have a cockroach calling out of it.

1:00:27 That's. Fucking disgusting. As much as I already take care of my down here, trust me, my balls smell great. Ian, that's a pretty pussy you got on you. I appreciate it, I made it myself. Oh Jesus Christ, next one says a friend of mine was almost killed by her boyfriend last week. He's out of jail and she is posting on Facebook how in love they are. Now. If he does kill her, I won't give a damn. Not sorry. Wow. I think you might would give a damn if it's your friend. And I think that's an awful situation, and I hope that she can figure out how to get herself out of that, but it's terrible. To the.

1:01:10 Only do what you can do. To an extent, I almost understand what you're saying. I don't believe the last part because I think you're just talk. I think you're just saying like, Hey, you know, I'm because we we've talked about this before. People leave confessions about how I can't remember exactly what was said, but like your friend was so depressing that you, that you cut them off in this situation is kind of similar because like how hey, how long has this abuse been going on? He tried to kill her and they're still together. I can only put up with so much as a friend like I, especially if I've told you or had to hear about this for so long and you just got some people you have to write off.

1:01:52 So what? I agree. I agree with a little bit of that the sentiment is wrong. The wording is definitely wrong, but it almost sort of halfway kind of not really makes sense. But how much so that do you think like this person who's on Facebook now posting that they're in love again? That's that's a feels like a trauma response to the shit that they've been going through like. They're that. They may be a little brainwashed, like they might still need their friend, whoever that friend is, to be there for them to kind of hopefully help them realize what's happening. I, I I don't. I don't agree with that, but how we, there's, there's so much we do not know. So, so I, I am asking, how long have you as the friend, have you known that this has been going on? Have you tried to talk to them about it? Have they gone through this before? Like he whooped her ass and then went to jail and then got back together?

1:02:46 How, how many times has the cycle repeated itself before you as a person have to go? This is affecting my life and I can't do it anymore. Well, I want to ask Jen this question because I because I don't understand it. The guy I'd walk away. It'd be it'd be a lot easier problem. It is a woman who maybe is dependent and there's possibly kids involved and who knows the situation and you're dependent and almost embarrassed in a way. Do you know anybody like this? And how did how would you really just say you can do better? Yeah, I mean, it's as somebody who has gone through emotional and physical abuse in a relationship with a partner, I can speak to kind of the trauma that that goes into that response, right?

1:03:38 So I was ashamed, like I was ashamed to tell my family. I was ashamed to tell my friends. And like anybody who knows me now if telling them that, it's shocking to like know that I stayed in such a terrible situation knowing who I am now. But back then and I was weak. I was codependent. I was told I wasn't worth anything outside of that relationship. And I can't tell you how many times I tried to leave. But you feel so isolated and you feel like that person is your only escape, your only answer to whatever problems you have. And I did have a small child, but it's even hard for women and that don't have children and men too, men can suffer the same type of abuse, mental or physical.

1:04:24 So, you know, it's, it's a really hard thing to hear a friend from this side say like, you know, if, if she dies, I don't care kind of thing. Because, you know, I without the support of the friends and family that I had, I mean, I can't tell you how frustrated they were with me. I mean, I tried to, after he put me in a situation where I went to the hospital, I tried to bail him out of jail from the hospital. You know, that's how psychologically fucked up I was. So. Point you also you you weren't telling anybody so and we don't know if her if this person's friends. We don't know what, what this person knows and how long they've been doing it. So because I, I do have friends and I, I don't have anybody that has been almost murdered.

1:05:07 But when we talked about somebody cut their friend off because they were being depressing and all that, I'm like, yeah, I've done the same thing. There's just so much because I and I, I try, I try to, if, if you're my friend, I try to invite you out. I try to spend time with you. I try to talk to you. But if it's all you've got is my life sucks. Well with me, then I, I just can't deal with this anymore. So if if it's if you as the person leaving this confession, like how long and how much have you put up with personally before? Because some people would just call it quits and you're a shitty. Friend. But at the same time, there is a reason that on airplanes you have to put your oxygen mask on before the child's because you have to take care of yourself.

1:05:54 Yeah, there's a lot we don't know here. There is a lot we don't know here, but that's great. That's a great point, Ian, because like I said, a lot of people don't talk about that. They're afraid or ashamed or whatever it is. But you know, I know I get the exhaustion of trying to be a friend and be there for somebody who's just not able to get away. I mean, you know, the best thing to do is or. Not and, and trust me, I know what is it called. Stockholm syndrome is very real. This person might feel trapped, they might feel like there's no escape, but trust me, there is. To anybody out there that's listening, there absolutely is. If you would just communicate. Yeah, share. With family, friends or the fucking police. Yeah, it's, it's really important to remember that like I honestly, I'm a super big advocate for this is like, don't be ashamed.

1:06:45 Talk to somebody, tell somebody, stand up for yourself in these uncomfortable moments. It may be the difference of like, not to be dramatic, but life or death, it's really important that you understand there's resources and all sorts of things out there for you. And I get it as a friend, it's exhausting. You know, the person who left the, the the note, but just just remember that. Try and try and look at it from a different point of view and, and just try to be as helpful as you can. If it gets too much, then, you know, help them at least with resources and say, I got to take a break. I got to take a step back. Yeah. If you're not going to try to improve, yeah, that's a, that's a tough one as a friend. If you're a lady who is struggling or maybe going through something and you and you'd need somebody, you honestly and you need somebody to talk to or just somebody that's not in your life, a friend or family, because like you're saying, I see that how that could be embarrassing or hard to deal with.

1:07:39 You can come to any one of us and we will help you find those those things that you need to try to, to move on. Any one of us would be, would would 100% be there for you. So. Please. Yeah, and if you're uncomfortable talking to a guy, go to Jen because Jen will definitely help you. OK, so we probably. Sit there, but I'll, I'll tell you this, I don't think people realize this, but I know everybody on this show. Jen, I'm, I'm not sure about you because I, I don't hear you don't really share it. But through the years I've got a lot of messages from people some you've helped me through cancer and laughing and whatever else makes you feel good. Then there's other situation where people reach out and yesterday actually there was a woman that I don't know how I even know her, but she's in South Florida and she sound like she wanted to end her life, but I reached out because it, they bothered me a lot in her comments. You know, and I, I said, if I don't say something, then you know that I'm going to feel guilty for this. There's been people on my Facebook, you know, I've, I've, I kind of ignored, like I didn't really say anything because I don't know if they want attention or what. And then all of a sudden I just realized they took their own life or something.

1:08:42 So I mean, life is, life can be very stressful. We've all dealt with it. Oh yeah. And then, you know, we deal with it in different ways. So yeah, just reach your arms out and and try to love people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In this world right now, especially with all the negativity in the world is just just have grace. Give grace to each other. Try and be there, you know, give a smile, honestly, you know, just a little, little happiness goes a long way. I'll tell you what. Absolutely. That's why we do this show, to try to take your mind off the bullshit, even though sometimes we get a little heavy, like just now. I know, I know. It's weird. I know. I'm fine. I know. And you get those messages sometimes and it's like, oh, you just put the brakes on for a second and you go, OK, this is real life. You know, this is this is not me just being a fucking idiot, OK? Let me see what I can do and try to help you, you know? Then you got people who's like, hey, I can't pay my bills, can you help me?

1:09:34 No, motherfucker, I can't pay my bills either. Yeah, pay me, bitch. I made that mistake one time because I swear to God I'll never do it again. Come at, come at me with your problems, about your financial problems and I'll tell you to get fucked because I helped one person, they were like 40 bucks short or they were going to, you know, they, they need to pay their cell phone bill and they need their cell phone so they could, you know, take care of their kid, pick them up from daycare, communicate with their dad and all that. I'm like, fine, here's 40 bucks three days later. Hey, can you shoot me $5? I need a cup of coffee. Get fucked. Yeah. I actually got sucked into that one time too. And then then the person just says Boop ignored after that. He's got the money but you know what? I did what my heart said to do and it was right. They fucking are an idiot and I don't care if they unfriended me.

1:10:23 I didn't even talk about the situation till right now but fuck them I hope they get fucked. Not in a good way. In a good Christian way. In your ass. Like Old Testament, God strike them down with the lightning. That's my favorite God, not gonna lie. Of all, of all the gods, it's the Old Testament God that's. The molding. The molding. God, yeah. Bitch, you're gonna be salt. Boom. Yeah. All right. You're gonna convince men now to circumcise each other. OK, That was the best. All right, let's move on to something real quick here that hopefully is not as depressing as wanting to your friend to die. Ian, what you got for us is what did they do?

1:11:04 We're going to play. Yes, we're going to play. What did they do? And for those of you that are listening only, this segment might not be for you because you can't see what we're about to see. I'm going to. I take the weirdest looking mug shots in my area because I live in Florida and mug shots are readily available the second they walk out of jail to take their mug shot, which it's the last thing they do I think. And you have to decide just based on their mug shot what you think they did this. Time. It's not going to give. You this time I'm not going to give you options because I worked earlier and I was lazy. All right, that's fine. This is why you should be paying for the video version because they some good. 499 on Spotify and 599 on Patreon. Yep. It's hardly 39399 on Spotify. Oh, OK, 399 that's.

1:11:47 Even better. Even better. All right, So what did this gentleman do? Oh, he did something perverted. He he like he, he tried to bite. He tried to bite somebody's Dick. He looks like a Dick biter. Do we got multiple choices or we just just guess? He definitely was in a zoo. Maybe he touched a monkey Wrong, Florida. This is Bay County. Getting worse my hometown. Let's go with lewd and lascivious act. Yeah, that's what I was. OK, thank you.

1:12:28 That's pretty much what I said. This gentleman was arrested for marijuana possession, no more than 20 grams and drug. Equipment Possession I. Agree, but. Florida See, This is why you don't want to. Live here, judging it. Mikey, because you still need a card to smoke. Yeah. But you get 1 easy, yeah. It's not hard. But there's also card fees that you have to pay, so it's easier in California to just walk in with a fucking driver's license all. Right. Girl. What did this individual do? Well, that. Little mustache right there. That's a rape. That's a rape. Yeah, Beto. Yeah, he touched something, child. Yeah, something sexual for sure.

1:13:10 OK, we all agree it was something or you all agree it was something sexual. It was aggravated assault with a with deadly weapon without intent to kill. What does that mean? Like what? Like you hold your gun wrong? Like you're not your face like. Instead of in the heart, you stab him in the leg. I don't know. Like if I'm going to grab a weapon I want, my intent's going to be to kill. Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm saying. Like that makes no sense. Retarded, actually holding the gun wrong. Actually, if anything, we should have Rick explain that to me or to us. Like so it's a deadly weapon without intent to kill. Then why'd you have it in your hands? Maybe he just. Pointed at the ground, he's like, Oh. This guy shot it at the sky.

1:13:50 Yeah, he could do that. Yeah, but it was an aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. So the weapon must have made contact with the person. Maybe he had like a lead pipe or something and the person didn't die. I don't know, weird. Here's that's This is a dude, by the way. That's a dude. It's. Not that's. Going to say she ate somebody. I thought this same. Thing when I saw that's a woman he. Went to Golden Corral and just said fuck it, I'm not leaving and they're like there. You are so he's. Acting so Trespassing. Trespassing and a buffet. Knee fat fuck me. That's not why they had to do a shot. Not fat fuck. That's a sin, not a not a felony. Yeah, I know, but charge them with gluttony.

1:14:32 This definitely looks like a dude though, or a woman. I was. Going to say no it don't. No, it's a woman for sure. What did? What did he? Do oh God, like just wasting I'm imagine I don't know. Like like. Suck your Dick. I bet, I bet he did. Like Grand Theft. Grand Theft Auto. Look at that. OK. Imagine what fat fucking high heels. No. Your answers are locked in DUI. I didn't take a lot to get that person drunk. They're fat, you know, they have to drink a lot more than the average person. I get so I did.

1:15:13 It's so annoying too. Like I'm like man, these fucking fat people can drink as much as they want to and never get drunk. I take two shots and I'm like done. Like holy shit. Like I'm drunk. Yeah, this is a person. 'S Scots that I had. Dude, I'm the same way. Well you don't drink that much. I'm the same way with weed. I have a pan, I take one hit off of it, I'm done for the night. Get that thing off the screen I. Know that dude is ugly as fuck. What the fuck, you're getting uglier. This guy, he looks, he looks very surprised. Listening and you haven't subscribed yet. This is on you. We're this is noise at this point. Why he got that crazy, Oh my God, I don't know. I'm taking a picture. Right. He looks very surprised. That's like AI farted and I want everyone to know.

1:15:56 It looks like he's in one of those turtle suits, which leads me to believe he's fucking nuts or he's acting like a fool. Yeah, where they like strap your arms down. I never heard it called the turtles. They would does he does look like he's in a straight jacket. I'm going to say this dude. This dude was some sort of like assault. He looks like like battery. That's what I'm thinking. Salt. Battery, drugs, drugs all. Right. It was disorderly conduct, brawling or fighting corrupt moral public or public moral decency, whatever that means. What is that moral? I fight moral decency every day you. Do What does it say? Simple assault. And furtherance riot or aggravated riot? Oh, I've been charged with I.

1:16:38 Was going to say he might have just done some cha cha during a Florida State game stroke. That's that's, that's that. Was I wasn't charging a riot, wasn't it? Yeah. No, no, that one I wasn't charged for. I did get in the bowling alley. I got charged for sighting a riot. That's hilarious. Hang on, I I'm sorry you Do I know the bowling alley story or am I crazy? Well, my buddy, his name was, well, at the time he was my friend. I don't talk to him anymore, but his name was Scott. He managed the bowling alley and we, they had a bar in there and then they had bands and we was all having a good time. And the cops came in. They were mad about the noise ordinance. Cricket cops 'cause they were mad one live behind it. Whatever I'm like we ain't doing it then raise machine killing in the name of like poop poop and I'm partying it up motherfuckers. I'm like game stopping me.

1:17:20 Guess what? Put me in handcuffs, rested half the bar, and I got in charge with disorderly intoxication. In public. I wasn't in public, as Ron White would say. I was in a bar. Into public. Yeah, and citing a riot. I'm waiting. I'm I'm wondering because if I because every time if I get the wrong cop, there might be a chance that I end up getting arrested because I every single time if the cops show up in the parking lot of my bar, our garage door is open so you can hear us from across the street. Every time they show up I play the bad boys theme song so it takes 11 cop that doesn't think it's funny. That's funny. I know our friend, one of our officer friends, Paco, he showed up one night.

1:18:05 His lights weren't on, but once he heard the Bad Boys theme song, he turned them on through the siren On he thought it was. The hell yeah. I would play that as a cop. I would be walking around with that song playing on my phone so my people knew. Song. Motherfuckers. Oh, I. Do high speed chases and shit. I'd hell yeah automatically that bad boys bad boys. Which would be awesome. Dude, dude, all right. What this what this psycho looking bitch? Do Oh that's crap for sure. For math math math. Prostitution. Oh, breaking away from the herd, OK. Damn, she's short as fuck too. She's only 48. Oh yeah, that's. She is. She's a dwarf. She's a short little crackhead. Sadly, it was failure to appear, I know.

1:18:47 What? Boring for what? Though. Crack. Probably crack. I don't want her to appear. Here's our last one. Fucking God, is that a woman? Yeah. Jesus Christ, this one's rough to look at, man. I can't do it. I'm just going to take her off the screen for a second and just it. Looks like one of the seven dwarfs. Reset my eyes, yeah. It looks like a don't be druggie. Yeah, drugs for sure. I'm gonna go with some sort of drug challenge. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, DUI. And she smoked a lot in her life, you can tell. Oh absolutely, she was at least 4 packs a day at some point. You can tell all the wrinkles on their face like that. I I imagine she probably sounds like this, yeah. Anyway.

1:19:32 I want to suck your Dick. DUI and damn it's the property or person of another. Oh no, that's bad. She crashed. Probably, maybe, probably. I bet she got out of the car as we. Say, or got out of the car, beat something with a stick and then got back in the car. A stick. What? Anyway, who done it? I like that, love it. If you weren't, if you weren't, if you couldn't see what we're doing, you probably don't like this game. But you should do. You should. Do 1 where it's all like attractive female mug shots. And then we got to decide what they did. That's fine. Well, I thought crazy. And then one of them will end up being a trans person. Jesus, you gotta guess which.

1:20:16 One is. Which one? Yes. Which one has the? Dick. Yeah. I like that game. I think everyone has a Dick time. We're done. With it, yeah. Because I don't, I don't fucking trust Jen because I'm like, they all have Dicks. Every single one of them. It's just a Dick parade. Is she trying to fuck with? US. Yeah, I see Dicks all over them. Like Dick, Dick Dick. Dick. There's a Dick. Everybody's. And yeah, we tried it. Is that an Adam's apple? I can't. Tell. You are we certain men on the neck? I can't. Tell or real women. 100% genuine, organic women. Organic Women. You sound so genuine. Genuine, organic. These are all reasons why you should be subscribed. That's why you should be subscribed on Spotify or on Patreon, so you could see everything. And I mean you're missing out.

1:21:00 You, you really fucking are and we appreciate everybody who does. So make sure you do that because that's the end of the show and make sure you you only got a couple of weeks to buy the the new shirt that's on sale just short of the month. Just a reminder it is true love doesn't knock and you you are not there you go exactly and and just go buy the shirt. That's a great way to support the show, Pete. Those shirts are actually selling pretty well. I will be honest with you so. Yeah, we appreciate the last month's shirt on the in the group I saw a. Couple of people actually post the post the the fucking dirt squirrel shirt and the next we got we got we got shirts lined up. I don't actually know what we're going to do next month yet, but we do have some shirts lined up throughout the year. So but we'll see how things go and who who knows anyway that's it I'm done I want to go I'm done bye guys see you guys later. Hey this was really fun.

1:21:46 We hope you liked it too. You know, we've had a lot of laughs tonight. Seems like we've just begun when suddenly we're through but. I'll tell you what's not funny. Bye. Goodbye, good friends, goodbye. Kevin Strippers. 'Cause now it's time to go. Strippers are people too, naked people who may be willing to pleasure you for a price you negotiate later, behind the curtain in the VIP. Room. We'll see you.