The Gang Graffitis a Tortoise | Ep 52

The crew opens Thanksgiving week by cannonballing straight into Stroke nearly drowning in face-sitting when a 7 a.m. creeper tried to recruit him and his GF for a threesome.

From there it only gets dumber: McRib betrayal, gas-station Cuban sandwiches, a cat licking its own asshole on Jen’s car, voicemails from unhinged dammits, and a Smurf-themed musical that nobody asked for. Then comes a parade of cheaters, panic-attack manipulators, Roblox predators, period-blood skincare, and two idiots trying to conquer Haiti with a homeless army.

Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast.

🧠 Episode Breakdown

• A Gravy Slut turkey-costume video is confusing
• Jen explains the Emo’s Not Dead cruise and the crew immediately spirals into “we sponsor a flamingo at a zoo” fantasies, including branding a tortoise shell with the NTDS logo.
• Voicemails include: DP Jeff torturing Jen with “moist,” a dude contemplating the gayness of sucking his own dick, and another listener announcing he’s about to drink Everclear for TikTok.
• A Sacramento listener promotes a free-food pantry, which sends Stroke into a tangent about a church full of suspiciously hot, jacked disciples.
• The crew debates Black Jesus, Black Santa, and the white lady who somehow got offended on behalf of everyone who isn’t her.
• The Damn Problem segment hits hard: cheating girlfriends texting coworkers at 3 a.m., drunk boyfriends confessing therapy resentment at weddings, and women faking panic attacks to dodge accountability.
• The show ends with a revival of the Criminal Dating Game, where the guys must choose between three incarcerated women before learning their crimes and seeing their photos.
  

👕 Grab Our Shit
Buy merch that’ll get you kicked out of family events:
🧢 https://www.nottds.com/store/

💌 Confess Something Fucked Up
Send us your anonymous confessions. We won’t judge (much):
🫣 https://ngl.link/notthatdamnshow

📲 Follow + Subscribe

Like, Follow, Subscribe, Rate, Review and Comment on EVERY DAMN PLATFORM!
🎧 https://linktr.ee/nottds

🐸 Sponsor: Green Frog Delivery

The official weed delivery of Not That Damn Show.
Use promo code DAMMIT at greenfrogdelivery.com for 20% off 🐸💨
Support the people who support your high and your favorite offensive podcast.

🎥 Patreon

Want the full video episode? Join the DPs on Patreon for exclusive content, original songs, voicemails, and bonus segments every week.
🎥 https://www.patreon.com/NOTThatDamnShow

Stroke threesome beach lady Gravy Slut turkey costume Christina photoshoot McRib bad gas station Cuban sandwich Maverick convenience store Japan combinis Hawthorne Heights broken microphone emo cruise Emo’s Not Dead TikTok Everclear moist voicemail Smurfette song Is She Hot Smurf songs DP songs Patreon poll Sacramento food pantry hot disciples Black Santa angry reaction Roblox lawsuits Roblox predators prediction market AI age gating CEO David Bazooki bathroom game child safety period masking menstrual masking UK TikTok spaghetti witchcraft Haiti plot Gavin Wiesenberg Tanner Thomas homeless army Creole classes fire academy Thailand sailing child pornography girlfriend cheating screenshots SMK pussy on lunch cheating adjacent blackout drunk boyfriend therapy comment panic attacks manipulative girlfriend moving in money arguments criminal dating game prison profiles Louisiana widow Fort Myers Florida