The Gang Gets Fingered (By Literature) | Ep 68 (Audio Only)

0:01 Yo turn it up, crank the volume. To 10. Guess what's for the crew who won't? Bow again. The hosts are united, ready to go. They tried to kill it, but we're not that damn show. Fucking We're back louder than you'll know. Corporate radio can kiss our ass. They fired us, tried to make us bold, but we're not that damn show. Still wrong. Cut in bold. God, fuck you. Fuck you, all right. Welcome back to America's loudest podcast.

0:43 We are not that damn show in it's is everybody. Can you guys hear me? Yeah. All right, you're just like the weird smirk on your face. Over there I was laughing because the, the, the puppet photo that I made people I posted in the group and people are like, well, that's terrifying. And stroke wipes like that's, that's so scary. I didn't even see it. She just told me she goes, that's terrifying. I'm like, oh. I thought it was adorable. All right, you. Like fuck off. I like it too. I want puppets of us. I told my wife I was going to get a puppet that's. Right, that's what I said. My girlfriend was like, absolutely not. I'm like, you know, you wouldn't, you wouldn't think it was cute if I was just sitting on the couch playing with a little little puppet Ian. No. She does not think so. Weirdly enough, I I shared only privately in our group that little video of the puppet that was thinking about licking butthole.

1:31 Remember the video I found this week? And I was thinking, I need a puppet so I can just start baking these for social media just to fuck with people. Yeah. My wife says it's a dude thing that only guys want puppets. Like she's like why do all dudes want a puppet of themselves? I'm I I didn't know there was only a guy because it's. The only control we have left. Well, mine was redheaded and like Kathy Griffin's what I would imagine her pussy looked like. You know, it was really nasty. Oh my God. Those puppets look good, although mine looks well, I don't like mine. Mine looks weird. Get out of here. Like your mine and yours Mikey were the easiest like for some reason AI was having a really hard time with stroke and Jen. But I finally, because if you notice mine, Mikey's and Jen's, they're all made of cloth and stroke's just like some kind of like like kind of wood.

2:18 I'm like, you know what, that's the best It's going to it's going to get you know what? I. Want that it's. Weird. It's weird. Oh, it is kind of creepy, actually. But if and if you're not subscribed to Patreon or Spotify, you did you have no idea what we what we're looking at. Unless you're in the group. But it's funnier this way. Hey, is Jen frozen or she just she's. Gone. Oh wow, I thought stroke was the one having issues today. We stars. Can't get anything right. I know we had. We've had technical problems with stroke, was having issues and now Jen was frozen stroke. Had no power. What so? Yeah, you can't use the Internet when you have no power. It was, Yeah, last night it was 22°, felt like 10. And it's cold as fuck in Florida. We're not used to this.

3:01 So. Temperature is maybe. Once a year, but we just don't like it. But what's the temperature? So you guys are in two different well, we're kind of close to each other, but what is it? But now we're apart from each other. What's your temperature? I got 44, see? What's where? What is it when you're where you're at, Joe? It's 3IN. The afternoon, yeah, it can't be. It's probably about the same where he's at. It's usually it's sometimes a little colder on a little. It's 45 tonight, 29. That's not Florida weather. It's also Mindy too, right? You guys got you get that cold in the wind? Yeah, that shit sucks. Yeah, I'm gonna go outside like we do with hurricanes. Just shoot in the air, you know, just try to shoot this cold away. These fucking Canadians trying to take us over. By the way, you know, I I did, I did appreciate you out on the streets protesting, you know, like no say no to or you're trying to get the cold weather out of Florida. I appreciate that it didn't work but more. Yeah.

3:52 The cold. You know the fun thing is when you protest bullshit 'cause you know, people protest whatever people just look at you sometimes and and they just stare and then they're, you can see their head is spinning like a like a like a gerbil on the wheel just going what the fuck is happening? I don't. Like, is this really happening? Is this guy holding a sign? Am I reading that right? Yeah, that's what happens. And then the guy I'm thinking like yesterday I go, this guy's going home to tell his wife probably like there was a dude protesting weather and she's like, bullshit, are you been drinking? That's hilarious. Jen said she has to restart her computer. Can we pause? We don't pause. We're just going to jump on Yeah.

4:32 When you're ready, Jen, we'll you're you're good Do what you got to do is we got to talk about here anyway we're making. Nico very happy right now. Oh, there's a there's a little special something for Nico in today's episode. When we get into comments, we'll we'll some for Nico. But so while we wait for Jen to come back, we could talk about the a couple of things. The store at not tds.com sort of been refreshed a little bit. My wife went in and changed out the logos, put in the new logo, the little circle logo that we're doing. So all the T-shirts and stickers, Everything has been refreshed and we have a new T-shirt. So last month was the dirt squirrels shirt. Sold a whole bunch of those. Appreciate everybody that bought one of those. But now this month we have the true love doesn't knock T-shirt as you can see right here on the screen It's just it's perfect for Valentine's Day. It's perfect for the month of love. It's perfect for Black History Month because it is black T-shirt and it just says true love doesn't knock right underneath It's got not that damn show should go. It's only available this month.

5:30 You got 28 days. Well, by the time you hear this, it'll. Be dude, I I'm telling you like that song took off because on Friday night listener of mine or sorry, he he he's like he's like we listen to it on the job site all the time and he he comes up to my booth. Are you going to sing no wrong haul tonight? I went fuck. It's a great song. It is, but I, I kind of painted myself into a corner with that. I was like that. Now I because that's literally the only bar on planet Earth you can ever sing it. That's true now. People are going to bomb. Yeah, well, since Mikey brought it up and waiting maybe for Jen to join us quickly, I learned something pretty big this weekend. My wife is .5% black and I'm 1% black. I'm not sure for Elon Musk, African American, or for regular life, but we're 1 1/2% black at her home. So I just wanted people to know this is our month and if you say any shit, I'm going to go after you, OK? Hold on.

6:25 He's. Twice as he's twice as black as she is. She is how many? Point. 50 OK OK my bad, my bad I thought she. Was are a bitch Mikey. I know. I just, I just misheard him. I guess. I didn't realize what he was saying. All right. So you guys are black? 1 1/2% in our home total. Not even a little bit. Well, I thought we were going to get a black guy on the show to confirm this. Oh. Well, he, I mean, he confirmed whatever it was. My DNA test says I'm black, so fuck him immediately. Yeah, but. Yeah, but he'll he'll determine if you're I don't. Give a fuck what he says. I mean, I know be up to date with Black History Month and everything that's happened because I never paid attention before, but now I do. How do you feel about BLM?

7:06 BLM. Oh that was a scam for our black people. We just fell for it. It's kind of fucking was. I feel bad. Yeah. All right. Well, so I. Mean our lives do matter, but fuck it, you know everybody's lives matter. Our lives matter. Really just I think Black Lives Matter is fine. I think just what they just took a bunch of the money. Yeah, like the people, the top took the money. They ripped us off. And I'm so sick of it. Yeah, I'm not allowing that to happen to my people anymore. All right. Look at it. You're so full of shit. I think it's great. I support. Here's the one you do, motherfucker I've ever known from Caucasian mouth. I mean, look at him right now though. Like even his skin is so white.

7:47 Yeah, just no color. That's, that's the lighting in here. Also lighting. You're gonna, you're gonna, you want to compare whiteness with me and that fucking cowboy hat and glasses you got on. What does that mean? I'm like Charlie, proud of this fucking show. Darius Rucker, man, he wears a cowboy hat. Oh wow, racist. Christ. I didn't even know he was racist. It turns out. He is racist. He is. Racist. Perfect, I mean. I knew it. I'll back you because you just got to join us again, Christina said. .5% African American. I'm 1%. We're 1 1/2 percent are at home. So. And and. No, I know. Yeah, I. Can say, are we supposed to say congratulations?

8:27 I don't. Yeah, you can send me a got. Everybody's supposed to send me a card and shit. It's your month, ain't? Gonna be no money. It's your month. OK, yeah, I know. I'm. Happy birthday black people, and it made me laugh. Since he's only since he's only 1% black, he only gets 1% of the month, which is like 20 minutes. So soak it up. Wow, get more racist. I've never knew you this racist. That's crazy. Damn, I'm not a racist. I'm a that's more that's more of a math. Joke. You got the shortest mood of the year. Oh, why don't you make your jokes about our people? I'm having jokes about my people. Not once did I say anything about the the the language leave. His people alone leave his. Thing you know you'll be wearing blackface. You'll be wearing blackface next month, He.

9:09 Ain't got no damn people. He's a racial fence sitter. That's what he's doing. When it's February, he wants to be black. But in the summertime? Bitch, I'm black. Old. No, for now, since I found out I've been owning it, I'm black. He has been you got to remember when you found out he you know, we went the whole black Santa route, everything like oh God, I. Yeah, that's true. That's fine. Yeah, so. I'll help you. Black History Month to you Stroke, we thank you. Thank you, Christina. Yeah, and Christina, but not Ian. Fuck you, no. Hey watch me take adna test, I'll be more black than both of y'all. I think we should all take DNA tests. It shows the most blackest. Most black I'm down, I'm down let's. Do it.

9:52 I'm fucking. Down. I'll be mad of a loose. Oh dude, I will, I will. I will clip everything that you just said and I will throw it right back in your fucking face. I'm like every right? I guarantee you ain't blacker than me. Look at you not. I don't want to person anybody's bubble here, but I'm pretty sure Jen's frozen again. And also so my my mom's grandmother was black, so I might actually be the blackest person on the show. I don't I I don't really. Good crack. I knew I loved you the most. It's where. I'll track to my family history, so I'll just I'll I'll spit in the tube and and send it out. Wouldn't be the first time you spit in the tube. Don't make any sense.

10:40 Doesn't it? Doesn't. Have to make any sense. It doesn't matter it's provocative, it doesn't mean anything. Well, so here's the thing Jen was is back from her emo cruise, but I think she's she's having emo sex cruise that she was on. I wanted some details. I wanted to know what they were doing and what that was all about what bands played whatever, but she's apparently having some technical problems. So I I just feel like the show is just doing well again. The ruins everything because there's a whole thing about Nico here who talks shit about Jen and when we get into the comments stuff, but we'll we'll hold off on that because we're something else that I wanted to talk about too. And looking at if you're a Patreon subscriber or a Spotify subscriber, we appreciate you. You can subscribe, get the video on Patreon, of course on Spotify and people are jumping on and some people are wondering, you know what, what the deal is with that. Just just go subscribe and don't be a little bitch about it. But if you're looking at the the screen right now, you could probably see Jen.

11:34 Welcome back to the show, Lord. There's something wrong with my VPN. What does that mean? It's like we're my I'm connected to like my the database of my computer that's the widest. Point I've ever heard. Wow, that's so white. You're definitely not. You're the. Fuck, I don't know. I'm not. I don't know. Computers, shit. It just keeps kicking me out. You're here. You're here. Well, don't get kicked out again. I'm. Trying. We have to talk about how old Ian looks right now. I just wanted to tell you, like you're just looking at the screen. If he looks like a very old man, is this a new look for you or is this a comfort thing you're going for? What's happening? No, I mean, it's a, it's more of a comfort thing because the the room where I'm recording in is usually colder than the rest of the house. So I just threw on this road because I'm not going to fuck with the temperature and raise my electric bill anymore. So I was like, you know what, fuck it, if we're going to put on the road, we might as well go full dude and put the glasses on.

12:28 Because you're fucking white, muffin. I it's, I I've only been awake for like an hour. Maybe it's it's too early for me to start drinking, but drinking? Champions, dude. It's like drinking a glass of milk. Most of it, but it's milk. But I, I, I look old and I feel old because let me tell you something, this bottle of Tums right here has been my best friend for like a month. And I didn't, I've never had a Tums in my life. But out of nowhere, I just started getting reflux more and more because of the stuff that I've been eating, like this Cuban sandwich or maybe a slice of pizza. Slice of pizza. Shut the fuck up. ARM will give you heartburn from what I heard. Is that true, Jen? What the fuck? Just what the fuck?

13:12 Just can't have a. We just can't have a normal conversation when I start fucking it up. Get your Dick breath out of here. I think, though, I mean, that was a legit question. If there's anyone that's going to be able to answer the question, it's you, Jen. I I can't say that I've ever had heartburn from come no all. Right, wow, good to know. So what are you eating that's giving you offer If it's not come I. Don't want to be on this show anymore. This is why Reddit talks shit about us. Fuck Reddit. I'm sorry. Sorry, I did not. This is not where I expected this to go.

13:53 That's. Fucking hilarious. Stop telling about your condition. I saw. Your condition. We've lost Ian. Ian is out of the room. Damn. I'm legit crying out it's so fucking funny. So when you burn without a spa sperm, thank you. What? This is not what I would do when Jesus comes back, alright? Man, fuck. Pull yourself the other way.

14:33 Yeah, back to your Harper. Oh. No, no, I'm done talking about it and you can all stick it up your various assholes. Well, alright, if you. Stuck it up your asshole, you won't even burp it. He's not wrong. He's. Got a point? He's a very good poem. It's a real butcher. We're going to act like we're 18. This is a real. Podcast This is a real show. Get your shit together people. Listen to this. This pause the what this? Is exact. Well, Ian's old, apparently, and he's getting a heartburn. I'll pray for you, Ian.

15:16 Thanks. It can't be the cum so it's got to be the wings. I'm assuming the pizza. It's just an age thing. To be honest with you though, I remember when I started getting heartburn too and I was probably late 20s early 30s and I started taking Prilosec all the time and then I realized Prilosec just gives you cancer. So I stopped taking that so and I was like fucking cancer. The only thing you can do is adjust your diet to really make it go away. Tums any any Tums all day every day is bad for you. I don't eat Tums all day. I take. I take maybe two or three a week maybe. Dicks just. As prevented, I'm. Trying to be serious. I'm trying really hard to make this. Actually, let me. I'm trying to prove this real quick. All right, we'll do.

15:59 It all right so yeah, he's been trying to Yeah, not I'm not going to ever. By the way, stroke, I muted you. We can't hear you. Trying to get through. One fucking sentence. He says I'm sorry, it's funny. That's funny stuff anyway. Anyway, well, just let's we can talk about Jen getting railed on an emo cruise instead. How about that? What was the emo sex cruise like Jen tells all about? Oh my God, lots of we were fucking all the time. It wasn't an orgy boat for fuck's sake. I mean, sometimes you were asleep. See, that's true. That's true. No, Yeah, we had lots of sex.

16:40 Vacation Kyle is a horny Kyle so. Like decent sex is always fun. Like for some reason, like me, me and my girlfriend, like we, we, I don't, I hope her dad doesn't listen, but we fuck like champions. But every time she's always like, you know, the number one sex time was when we went on vacation. That hotel sex was like. She still compares every sex we had to that. Hotel sex. Oh yeah, Oh yeah, like fucking rabbits that just got out of prison. So, but it wasn't an emo sex cruise. It was, but it was like an emo cruise, right? Yeah. It was there of making cruise whatever. Emo Festival. So the Used was there, Underoath was there. Hawthorne Heights we got, we do it every year. So this was the fourth time around. It was a way bigger boat.

17:29 So like the fourth time alumni is there was only like 420 of us and there was like 2000 first timers. So it was it was a much bigger boat. And some of those first years are just assholes. I'll tell you what. Like they're just no etiquette at all. Like they had never been to a festival in their life and it kind of put a bad taste in our mouth, to be honest. Like the first. Yeah, the first. I might need some of Ian's Tums. Yeah, it was, yeah, it was different, but still, still cool to see everybody. And I put on with a six of my other friends. We put on like a pre cruise, like kick off party the night before we sail and that was insanely successful. We had like 700 people at least buy tickets and come out and it was just really, really rad.

18:21 Yeah, that's awesome. This past weekend with Shiprocked and I work with, well, actually a couple of people I work with, they went down there and hung out and they they looked awesome. Yeah. It's it's Shiprock. Shiprock. Who's playing? Who played Shiprock? Do we know? Don't. Know because I didn't have, I didn't even look for the tickets because I'm like, I can't do this. All these artists or genres do these fucking cruises now and they seem like they seem like so much fun, but I I've never been on a cruise. I don't really know what to expire or anything like that. Just. Wash your hands. That's all I have to tell you. There's just a lot of there's just a lot of people touching stuff. That's the only thing I would say. Well, it's the same with like any Aftershock or Rockville. I mean, it's, it's a festival and you're going to get that festival flu.

19:02 Yeah, living on a boat with that many people from all over the world. Yeah, like last year we got deathly sick. This year, not at all. I'm just sound raspy because singing, singing my heart out, honestly, like I just lost my. I always lose my voice. But this year, no sickness. We like chow down on Airborne all the time, so we feel good, you know? You you say something about first timers that the on the cruise and people being assholes. Whatever. It's kind of the same way like at Aftershock or a lot of festivals. People the first time there, I think don't they have this weird expectation like they're going to go get into the pit and start all these fights get in to shoot just be assholes. Somebody's taller than your wife's hair. Yeah, pull my wife's hair like a dumb fucking that shit that shit happens. Those people are assholes.

19:46 But, but usually by the 2nd year, if they come again, they've learned a little bit, right? They kind of, Oh yeah, I've got to be cool. But it's up. It's up to the veterans to teach these little assholes like, hey, that's not how we fucking. That's how we do shit around here. We're scared to have a good time. Everybody's we're we're a big family here. Yeah, we actually had Devil Wears Prada, their guitarist Kyle, funny name, but he it stopped mid set and jumped off stage to beat the shit out of a guy in the pit who was just elbowing girls in the face and all sorts of shit. He'd jump mid mid mid mid set. Just fuck that guy and jumped off set and just tore it. Apart filmed this at all. Oh yeah, it's on the Internet. I'll have to. I'll have to get it for you guys. It's one of my. Yeah, one of my ultimate goals for this podcast as we continue to grow.

20:29 And thank you everybody for keep listening. We've celebrated our one year. I know Mikey will get into this and. Officially, officially our this Thursday coming up will be our our exactly birthday. That's one year. That's an amazing. Episode. But I, I think I would love and I think I know we've talked about this privately before, but, and it would, it would take a while, but I would love to do that damn cruise. Oh my God, yes. Oh. My God. It's so cool, yeah. That's the goal. Couple couple of bands up there fucking playing and and awesome yeah, and all the damn it's that'd be a lot of fun. It's. Me on the mouse and the trampoline just giving you a show. For fuck's sake, you and your mouse trampolining, good Lord.

21:13 Not even at all. Well anyway, well, we're happy to have you back Jen there. There's a lot of comments that we'll get to here in a couple of minutes, and Nico has said a few things about you back to IANS heartburn and from come guzzling or whatever is the thing was we're trying to talk about like what's your new old thing? But I I want to I have my list, my thing here, and I wanted to see what you guys think or see if maybe stroke is going through this as well. But like I sleep kind of funny, like I sleep like this, like I kind of put my hands up on my head and it cuts off the circulation in my arm. So every night nowadays, it was since I've started to get older, my arms go numb when I'm sleeping completely numb or just like my pinky will go numb.

21:56 So I started Googling this to see what the deal was and it was telling it's because the way I'm sleeping and I'm cutting off these nerves and it's because I'm old. It's because my nerve is fucking old and I can't sleep like a normal God damn human. Now I got to get a fucking body pillow and hug it like some kind of fucking I don't want to say and it's it's a nightmare and it sucks and I hate getting old and that's my new old thing. I I have to hug a body pillow when I go to sleep like a baby. Those are cuddly though, I'll give them that. They said he makes them. Pretty hot and sweaty. I like the other night I woke up, I almost wanted to throw up because it was so hot in the middle of the night from home. This thing, it's like what? What do I do? Do I get hot, my arms going numb? I have to choose God stroke. Do you have to deal with this urinal? Yeah, thank you. I want to tell you that Christina hates it because sometimes I won't be cuddling up with her. I'll hold the pillow and she's like, wow. I think it goes back to childbirth. My parents didn't love me, but there was an attachment there, like some people had teddy bears. I honestly do hug the I hug the pillow and then I go to sleep. It feels good.

22:55 But she's always like, you always like the pillow. There's always between us like, well, that's good. And literally no disrespect to either of your wives, but they're, they're twigs, man. They're it's like they're nothing, nothing to really cuddle. You're like holding a broomstick. No, again, no disrespect. I hold my wife though too, like she also sleeps well. There's cuddling and then like when you're when you're trying to go to bed, but then roll over and and then hug that pillow. I get it. Well, Mike, you don't feel bad. My old thing would be arthritis. The doctor told me many years ago. I start dealing with it in the cold weather and I and sounds crazy to say, but it's been cold in Florida and when it gets cold I start having it in my ankle and it just it wakes you up.

23:35 Feel it in my bones. Yeah, he told me. That you broke your ankle? Yeah. Well, that's not the only old thing because you sent us a picture the other day and I'm like stroke of those reading glasses are. You there are. You there now? That's funny. There's two things about that. I'm doing dad jokes on the Internet now because I've we found this book, but I kind of I kind of need them. I'm looking at them going. This is a lot easier to read because I haven't been no night doctor, but you know. That's an old, that's an old man thing for sure. Yeah. I mean, it goes, yeah, it goes with the look, but it does help. My dad has two pairs of glasses on his head at all times. 1 here and one up here. So he just, he's just constantly just switching glasses, one to see and one to read.

24:22 It's insane. He has two pairs of glasses. You're you're next. He can't get just get one prescription that handles both. That's what I have got. Bifocals. I'm blind as shit. Like I wear. Yeah. Oh yeah, my glasses. I'll show you next time. They're like thick as fuck. I'm, I'm wearing contacts usually, but they're like you could see from the side. They're like layers of fucking glass for mine. So I'm, I'm old. If I take them out, I'm like Velma, I can't see shit. Like not in front of me and not far away. I'm blind. Super blind. I had no idea. I did not know that. I thought this for like years and years and years and I finally see people starting to put it on the Internet. Why don't we they make a prescription windshield like people are like, like people are like, I can I need them when I drive.

25:14 I'm like, then you shouldn't be driving. Well I've got two different like both my eyes are fucked up in different ways so I have to have two different ones on each side. Two fucked up eyes, 2 fucked up. Eyes. This one, this one can only see far. This one can only see close up. My brain is broken. My brain never. Get super drunk and like just only have one contact in and see what that does for you. It's. A nightmare. I bet that makes me dizzy as fuck. Yeah, I feel like I throw up. Yeah, yeah, probably. Is that your old lady thing, Jen? Well, I mean, it's been my my whole life. Thing I was kidding. I have a beaded one, I've got a gold one. Yeah fuck yes.

25:54 I could just drop them. That's. Really. Old. Yeah, I was kidding. That's the oldest thing out of all of us. Honestly the sole thing I've ever heard in my life. The hell is wrong with? You. They're cute. If I'm gonna have to wear these fucking things, I might as well make them decorative. Shit, that's. That's that's people who use the word whippersnapper. Thanks for librarian. Yeah, you'll be. Golden Corral early soon too. Drinking that early bird special, hey? That's not really fair though because I'll fuck up some Golden Corral and get to bed by 6. I mean, I'm 35. Sometimes we make nothing wrong. We're going to bed early. Hell no. I agree. I agree. That's old. I'm just saying that's old because back in the day we'd have never done that.

26:34 Yeah, I would have. You would have like I don't no age. I don't. I go to Golden Corral at 3:00, eighteen years old. I don't give a fuck. Ain't going. To go by 7, that's. Fair. What the hell? Yeah, I'm stoned all the time. What do you want from me? I'm high and eat some food now. I'm ready to pass out. I did that yesterday. Thinking of it's like these people go out now. I was like, I'm not going out till 10:00. I'm like cool, that's about time. I'm going back home. Starts at. 10 fucking. Wait, I'm not going anywhere. That starts at 10:00. My buddy that he just left, he was here for a month. Anytime he would come out to the bar, it'd be 1030. He's like, all right, I'm about to leave. I'm like, wait a minute, you haven't left the your condo yet.

27:16 If I, if I don't leave the house by minimum 738, I ain't going. I'm not going. Yeah, if it it was 9:00, I've we are way past going anywhere. This is not happening. I've been like that since I was like 21. I wanted to get out of the house by 8:00 or it wasn't happening. There was a window of time that I had to leave or I was stuck at home. Not I just didn't want to leave. When I was younger there was a lot of pre gaming at home and then probably going out more like 10 o'clock 11:00 when I was younger and then just doing the bar stuff for a couple hours. There were a few bars that I would pregame at and then go to where I wanted to go just 'cause you know, there, there were marketers that I liked or whatever, but I just, I, I've got to leave the house by a certain time or I'm not going out. All right.

28:07 Well, I guess we're all old. Yeah, you're just nearly listening or watching this podcast. You're just watching 4 fucking old crusty people laugh about Ian and his cum. Cum Tums. I believe it's cums. Cum. Lacey's big in front of his How? Did. How did nobody put that? I'm disappointed in all of you. Me too, me too. All the work for you. That's pretty good. Can't. Be sucking off Gerald. Like fucking stroke's talking about his arthritis. My back hurts from carrying this fucking show. Christ all right, let's move on please We got a bunch of comments and I want to start right off the bat with these comments from 2 ends only hater Nico. I'll put them up on the screen right here is Jen's only hater that's his name and he just these he leaves. He left Jen for I'm sure you listen to the show because you can't live without us.

29:02 This guy left the comment every time you weren't on the show. Yeah, I saw and I know that you you saw that because the next comments were. But for those of you that are listening right now and not watching yours last week, Nico left. What a great episode. The only thing better is a nice long cruise. Kind of funny, that was. Actually pretty good. Is Nico, do you think Nico's trolling or do you think he really hates her that much? I don't. I don't know. I I really don't know, but it's. Good times. I guess it's kind of funny. And then he let his other comment on the second episode from last week was I'm really liking Jen's contributions. Shut the fuck up. It's kind of funny though. I mean, I, I, I'm not it's funny.

29:44 It's good times. You just, you know, if we're your brother, sister or one of us were saying that to you fucking around. But this is Nico. Like, who the fuck is this guy? Nobody even knows who he is. Try to like my wife and I were trying to do a little research on him to figure out who he is and we thought maybe he might be this this other dude on Twitter who also was a shit talker but we don't know for sure. Like I'm digging. I was digging through all my Facebook friends to try to find anybody named Nico. I did the same thing. I couldn't find anybody. I have. No idea. God about his name and and now it makes sense. Someone of my comments said they go, are you Nico? And I thought it was there's a Nico. I've been watching Tulsa King in the very first season. I'm like, no, that guy was a piece of shit. No, you know. All Nico's shitty. I.

30:26 Don't think I don't think Nico's a man. You think Nico's a woman? I think Nico's A is a fucking woman. I think it's a woman. Maybe Nico is a woman and Jen beat her out for this position. That could be what it is. That idea has been thrown around. It could be that Nico isn't a real person but Jen did respond to one of them and said can't wait to be back this week to piss you off and ruin your happiness which I think is fantastic. Don they're still. He's still he's. She's still listening. And I tell Jen, you know, we're new, She's newer in the business, and we've been doing this for a long time. I said if you don't have haters. You're not doing it right. You ain't doing it right. You better collect them because you can't kiss everybody's asses. Hell no you.

31:09 Got to have a couple of haters. That's that's when you know you're for sure doing something right. And Jen at least has one hater. At least one at. Least one we know for sure he's put himself out there. And because of that, and before we move on to the rest of the comments, because there are a bunch, we do have a new stroke fight song that I want to play for everybody. And this song is specifically for Nico. The name Song is called. Apparently Nico's living rent free in some people's heads because I wouldn't have given him the time of day. The song's called Jen's only hater. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yo-yo, yo-yo, yo-yo. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

32:17 Jen's only hater, a legend and tears, crying through comments like we care what he hears. You don't want jokes, you want the script, but Jen's too real and your master slip it. Jen's only hater, a legend and tears, crying through comments like we care what he hears. You don't want jokes, you want the script, But Jen's too real and your master slip. Yeah, yeah, you crave that sausage fest flavor. No chicks, just Bros. Like a limp crusader. Jen hits the mic and your boner quits. Now you're mad in the comments and clenching your Jen says one thing and you lose your grit like a words reach down and flick your tip. You play it off but we see that twitch. One woman talks and you feel like a bitch. You don't want banter, you want a squad where stroke says nut and you worship us like God.

33:03 Jen walks in and your posture bends because your dream podcast don't need girlfriends. Jen's only hater, lowly and loud, streaming in the Spotify like you're rallying a crowd but it's just you when your three artists feed while she lives in your head on a loop. Creepy agents only hate her. Lonely and loud, screaming in the Spotify like you're rallying a crowd, but it's just you when your three artists feed while she lives in your head on a loop. Free PA, we know you type. Every girl's a threat. If a woman speaks, it's a personal debt. You still watch, still post, still rage like Jam broke your heart and ghosted your page. Are you Nico is cute?

34:17 I got time for that. You know how to submit a comment. I know you tell us how to do it. I just don't know how to do it. Nico, listen man, you can listen all you want to and you can talk all the shit you want to. It's just. It's all for fun, so don't worry about. It he got his own song. Now go buy that song. That song won't be on the album though, don't worry. We already gave that dude or person enough. Like what's the point? Like Like we got to give everybody that leaves a comment a song. Fuck no. He was 12 years old. That'd be even funnier. Just a mad little kid. He's got mommy issues. But that'd be hilarious actually, if it is, if it is like a person in middle school, that person go tell all their friends about us. Hey, come on.

35:03 Tell everybody, tell everybody. Listen don't be a terrible next don't be a turd spread the word next one is from oh this is from Cali Kelly. She says hey NTDS love the show. I subscribed on Spotify so that you can subscribe on Spotify and watch the videos now obviously says none of the episodes after January 16th display any video. I tried deleting the app and reinstalling it but it doesn't solve the problem. Not sure if anybody else having this issue. Listen, Cali, I tried to explain last week so that everybody knows if you are subscribing on Spotify that just started, like I'm not putting all the old videos. If you want to get the old, if you want to get the past episodes, you go subscribe on Patreon and then you'll get all the old episodes and the new episodes. But Spotify's only new episodes that just started this year.

35:44 So if you want the past, that's what you want to get. That's just the way it is. But you will continue to get video episodes every single week, Kelly. So we do appreciate you subscribing and anybody else. If you want to save a little and subscribe on Spotify, you can watch the videos there. But if you want to get all the extra stuff and something that's going to be in this week's episode or today's episode that can't go on the stream, you need to be subscribed on Spotify. So anyway, next one here is from Ali. She says no one can hold a grudge as bad as an Asian, hence the Great Wall. I think we were talking about the Great Wall the other day. Oh, you were. You were. It was like. You can see it from space. No, you can't. Kenny says Spotify keeps blocking this comment, so I'm going to make it simple.

36:30 It goes back the professional telephone operator that that sold 109 or 191900 calls Grok has a company. Oh, Grok has a companion that made it a lot you. So basically this person's telling you can go to Grok on X and have dirty conversations with one of Grok's companions. That's dumb. You guys have tried that? No, no. Grok is the one that's owned by Twitter, right? Yeah, it's the, it's the Twitter one. If you go there, if you're on Twitter and you go in there and go to Grok, I think you can go to companions and you can pick like a dude or like this little anime character and I guess you get spicy with it. Why would I wanna fucking talk to the chat bot I.

37:12 Mean Freddy, But think about the people who haul 1900 numbers and have phone sex. This might That's a good way to save a little bit of money. But a lot of those people, if you remember the conversation, were into some freaky deaky shit, and some of them were even married and whatever. But it's like, yeah, I think chatting sexually with Grok is like a whole new level of pathetic and sad. It's. Kind of gross. It's really gross. Not saying that calling a phone sex hotline isn't already pathetic and sad, but that's like Jedi level. Yeah, I mean, I'd rather have the fat chick on the other end just trying to pretend she's skinny to, you know, get me all horny than I would chat robot. Yeah. Mimi says that country song sounds like it's AI and Lucy. Search for the lyrics using Yeah. Oh, she's talking about this song right here. Don't.

37:59 You fucking hanger like. Those shots. Jack, smoothness, fire, but that tastes never last without the copper tone. I'm into it. Fun, but boy, now that you're. Gone. There's nothing left. But the. Fern old. This hurts nothing. Works. Hurts. Yeah, it's a great song. I. Love it, she got. A Karen haircut. Oh my God, I know do. You see the new male version of what they decided the the male version's name is because we always thought it'd be Chad. They said they came out this week and said it's Josh. Josh. I don't even know, really. I know one Josh.

38:40 He's a nice guy. I think one of my best friends is Josh. Yeah, I don't think Josh's are that bad. I don't. Feel like Josh's common enough name for it to be the Karen. Yeah, people were. Yeah, they came out and they said it was Josh. It was like, I think I read this on Friday. I was like what the fuck? I remember like when we first when when this first started and no, no disrespect, but I I thought we all agreed it was Kyle. I thought we could too, yeah. But I I don't know how. He's not really a Karen though. Like, I don't know. Yeah, tiles aren't really Karen's. They're Kevin. Kevin, Dave. Dave I always thought it was Dave. Dave seemed like a. Would you like me to share what they said? This is people who have have dug into this because I want to pull this up. I did find it.

39:22 So the new name is the the for Karen for a male version is Josh. And then people started going he is apparently the bane of any white woman he's dated. He's the man who insists he's just being honest, who actually is while being cruel. This isn't applied to any Josh's I know. Also, I think like 'cause the, the like Josh can transcend, you know, whiteness. I know I know a black Josh, but I'd like the name has to be like white like. Dave A Black. Josh, I don't. Know a black Eric? One more, one more to share with you. And if he doesn't already have a podcast, he's thinking about it. Bring it on, Josh. Another person complainted about the country song says, for the love of God, don't ever play that country song ever again. What country song?

40:11 You can do it. I'm just kidding. I'm not going to keep playing it. I. Just I just know when the video goes away to put my headphones back on. She looks like her pussy stings. Brenda K Practice isn't all that great. By the way, we need to talk about how that artist liked Jen's RE or real on Instagram of us talking shit. I know. Wait, did you did you share our real? Where did you share her video? I shared her video. I shared her video saying thanks Mikey. I thought it was us talking shit and she's oh damn. Well damn. Now I need to go ahead and share that and tag her in it and be like, let's hang it up, bitch.

40:55 Listen, listen, my Instagram feed since then has completely gone sideways. It is all terrible singers and it's such bad stuff. But I'm going to like, and I continue to dive into the comments section. We're going to have to do that bit again. That was a lot of fun. Yeah, I'm going to bring that. Back. Yeah, I get the most fucked up shit. I'm like why? You got to send me that stuff and then and then we'll dive. We'll do the comments. The comments are great. My algorithm is just fine. Like it's, it's like really big dogs interacting with babies, which is adorable elephants running in the in on the beach. And like, I just, I don't know, I, I, I just, I was, I was sending reels to my girlfriend of like animals doing cute shit. And now I'm just like, all right, I'm happy with that. I can, I can deal with this fuck. Dude, maybe next week we should all take one video that popped up in our reel and share it.

41:45 That's a good idea. Because I get some fucked up shit, I ain't getting no bugs. I love that Danny commented on there and said Brenda, Brenda Kay sucks basically said made his ears bleed and then hey Brenda Kay. This is a pretty long one. This is from jerk. He says hey and PBS congratulations on season 2. Thanks for keeping us laughing and smiling while we're fingering your mail. Which is was weird until I realized who this was. Drug. Fingers males all the time. Yeah, but I will swallow them like you homo. Quick question from the Pulse program asking when the next CD is coming out. As always, worth spreading the word and not being towards keep on rocking in TDs. The next CD probably come out towards the end of this year. I would say maybe next time by the time we have when we have our next event, we'll probably do another CD. There's actually still a few of those CDs available. If you head over to not tds.com, you can grab one. If you didn't get one, there's a handful. I'll throw a sticker in there too if you order it. And then finally the last one here says, oh wait, no, there's two more.

42:45 I'm sorry. My bad. This one is. There's a thing called clone a Willie. Oh, that's right. This is from Danny. Mandy had mentioned we should all clone ourselves, Like clone our painting system. Jen, you should clone your vag. I know if. If if you'd paid me enough, absolutely. I have them there is AI have a price? I would love to know what it is because I guarantee you staying as high as mine. You know mine. 'S not that high like how much you paying throw out a number. Let's let's talk about this mommy. For this trap. Hey, my wife said I could. I think she was testing us all. Yeah, I was gonna say she was just trying to get us in trouble, but I would I would say not only is there like a base fee, I want a residual check for every one of my Dicks that I that we sell.

43:31 Yeah, I'm Rose. What are you talking? Oh, I. Thought you said used I'm. Going to get me 100% not like me 1% black man with a big old Dick and then I'm going to lie and say it was mine. Yeah, stage Dick. Stunt cock. Yeah, I want a stunt cock. A stunt cock. All right, last one here is this my favorite thing ever is when people say no disrespect and then continue to hell to be disrespectful. That was what somebody was talking about. Yeah. Comment or confession last week about my my voice said no disrespect to Mandy but I love Mikey's voice.

44:13 But Mandy says don't worry babe his voice makes me moist too. God damn it, I don't have to pay for it. Oh well, Mikey's voice makes me moist too, so welcome to the club. I hear the. Sahara over here. I don't think so. I bet. I bet I can make all of you guys moist. Oh, you're already done. My my chairs are soaked. I think we could bring all those you. Want to test that theory? Yeah, so we're going to, we're going to test that, that theory right fucking now. Because when you went and spent a little time on book talk, apparently, yeah, it was like the side of TikTok where everyone's talking about books and probably smuttiest, dirtiest book.

44:56 TikTok for nerds. Yeah, TikTok. Or book talk book. Talk. Oh, talk. You always talk about cock. Cock's always on your mind. No, I didn't know why. I didn't know. I don't swallow though, Ian, that's a heartburn. Wow, your rape. You're like wit can only go back to that one joke. It's amazing. So we have what? So basically she found the most talked about dirty books within the group of of book talk, all these girls, and they probably meant to talk about these books and the smuttiest books that there is. And she went and she found four different books and she grabbed a little clip. I don't know what any of your guys say.

45:37 I have no idea. And I know I sent them to you, but I just copied and sent. I did not read them. And we're going to read these in our best book. I, I get, I guess best sexy voice. Is that why I was supposed to do this? I think so and. Then we're going to let them. We're going to let the damn it's vote who, who had, who did it best. We'll put it. We'll put it up on on the Patreon. We'll do a little poll, put up on Spotify. Here's the thing. Jen did lose her voice, so cut her some slack. Oh, it'll be fine. I think it'll be sexier to be honest. Why is my script by a woman? Mine. Mine's from the female perspective too. You just got to do it. He's got to sell it, man. Mine's from a third person perspective, but it's written by a woman, which I'm assuming most mutt novels are.

46:19 And I also have the the the cover of each one of these novels, which I'll put up on the screen. But I have to say this for you, if you're listening on Spotify, iheart, or any of the platforms that are streaming this, unfortunately this has to go solely to the subscribers because I don't want to take any chances of us getting kicked off any platforms because these are dirtiest. Oh my, there's some naughty shit. So at this point, we're going to cut it and then it will come back after this and it will be this. All this is going to be over on Patreon and on the exclusive Spotify videos, so feel free to subscribe. OK question, do I do this in a queer voice or in a woman voice? The ends was worse than everybody else's.

47:00 I will say it was at least 30th one my opinion. I actually wish Maddie had made stroke read that one. Oh my God. I hate you. Yeah, I'm glad I did that for Hilarious. That would have been awesome. Playing with assholes, sucking them off good. Job. Yeah, That I don't know. I hear a lot of dudes into that butt stuff, but I don't. I don't. I don't. Know you can keep your fingers and anything away from my butt. Yeah, I don't want. Fingers. My butt. Have you tried it? Have you? Tried more desire to mom. Did anything you want to share with us? Go for it, Jen. Yeah, well, I. No, you think. Your buttoles or anything you want to tell us, go ahead. So. If you're joining us now, you just missed out and you need to subscribe on Patreon because that you didn't. If you're just listening, you didn't hear what? We just had to fucking go through that. Was the journey that.

47:52 Was That was really uncomfortable. I didn't like it at all. And there was one. I was like, there was one. I was like, yeah, we definitely should have cut that because we can't just let anybody hear that that that almost flowing down only if. We ever run for political office, This is coming back. If anybody decides they won't do it eventually, this one's like, oh, did you? What he? Did he was fingering assholes? Don't subscribe. Go vote. Subscribe on Spotify or on Patreon. Go vote in. Pick whoever you think did it best. Whoever read their smut the best. Can I vote? Can I vote right now? Vote. Jen, but other than the finger in the asshole, that was nasty. Why she's so little personal in the, you know, in the. I just don't want to vote for any of you guys. Yeah, I know.

48:37 I. Don't want. I don't want to win. I. Still want to apologize apparently I think my girlfriend and Stroke's wife are conversating right now because Stroke's wife was in the room when he said that. She asked me he's like, what book he reading? I can't wait to hear the confessions after you guys do these because you know there's going to be somebody like Oh yeah, listen to Stroke and Mikey gets me so wet. Came. From you guys reading those things, that's what we want. I think the best, I did the best with it because she narrated it. It sounded, you know, like the female voice is kind of soothing. It was just the part about the finger in the butthole while sucking a Dick. My thing was.

49:18 I don't think it's fair because Jen got to be a woman in her scenario. I think she should have had to have been a man. Talking about her tits were awesome bro or whatever. Yeah. You read two people having sex stroke and I had to both be fucking women getting fucked. My pussy is sore from that. Again, subscribe. You missed out if you haven't. All right, so go vote, subscribe and vote and we're going to move on. Jenna, you ready to get a WTF news? Let's. Do it. What the? Is going on here. What the? What the? What the? What the? All right, my friend.

50:00 So my first story is going to come out of Clinton Township, MI, where a family says they were shocked and terrified this past Friday morning after discovering what appeared to be a large gang sign drawn in snow behind their home. The family gang sign. Oh, yeah. So you're going to die when you see this gang sign here because it is it it's it is shocking, Let me tell you that. But it's more shocking that that these people believe that this is a gang sign. It's. Oh my God, that's the ICP fucking thing, that's all. That's not a gang sign. Although to be fair, technically the the, what are they? What are they called?

50:45 The the the Juggalos were considered a a gang by the like CIA or FBI or some shit like that. Yeah, more. Of a cult. Yeah. So the family reviewed footage from their Ring security camera and saw two individuals with their faces painted black and white. The family was worried that they were MS13 or Bloods or Crips. It's just snow. But it looks like they were trying to make a statement, so they said they they. The only sound they captured was the pair running away shouting woo woo. Oh my God, that's hilarious. Well, these things are really funny. Yeah, they said. There's no indication of any ongoing threat. They're just investigating it as a minor act of vandalism. Just just stop investigating it because it's literally just a couple of juggalos.

51:30 It's not even vandalism because that shit will melt and go away. They didn't spray paint it, they just dug into the snow. They're. Threatened by the potential killing of I. Just realized my daughter was a gang in a gang because she loves ICP. Does she? Oh God, she. Loves ICPI, just didn't realize she was in a gang. Exactly. Well, apparently no one knew what this. I mean, I see it, I know what ICP is, but all these people in the neighborhood are now adding additional security cameras and lighting and all sorts of. Shit fucked. You. Say this. Is happening in Michigan. Yeah, Clinton Township. From Michigan, like these guys literally like they're like one of the biggest things next to Eminem and Kid Rock from Michigan, that's only that ever came out of Michigan is Eminem, Kid Rock and ICP and a couple of cars. I guess watch your watch your watch your backyards. What?

52:21 Was the name of the city Clint? Clint, What was it? Clinton Township. That sounds like the widest fucking city in America, Michigan. Michigan sucks. It's just as bad as Pennsylvania. Your hatred for Pennsylvania, that sort of. Cost sucks, Detroit is terrible. Detroit's a shit hole like all of Michigan. Honestly, I think Michigan is worse than than Pennsylvania when it comes to just being shitty. I've never been there. I've. Never been to go like. Half the year, who the fuck wants to live there? Yeah, but but in the summertime, if you go to the UP, the Upper Peninsula, part of of Michigan, it's beautiful. But other than that, it sucks all. Right. All right, so so this next guy has got major skills cause I've never heard of a more craftier meth head. 38 year old Christian Estoke. Crafty.

53:10 Yeah, this one's real crafty though. This one. This one's quite crafty. 38 year old Christian Estoke decided to take a meth fueled joyride in a stolen plane while he and his lovely girlfriend were higher than Giraffe pussy on meth. The lovebirds flew all the way from Washington state to Southern California on Map I. Have a question? Wow, was the term higher than giraffe pussy in the news article? No, that's just from me. Goddamn it, that's. No, because we didn't write it. But if we would have been like on our blogs, we'd wrote that. He, he just like, it's like we just talked all that so much and the only thing I can think about is they were just up there fucking each other like crazy on the airplane, all high on meth and shit.

53:52 That's alright. Man if you tried meth fucking you missing out. I mean, if you're going to do it, you might as well. I don't. You're going to do meth Should you should at least have sex while you're on it? You don't lose teeth in each other's mouth and shit like it's. Just meth teeth cry while you're trying to. I don't know how to meth. I just want to say for, for for speaking for the show, please don't do meth unless you want to. I don't care. Yeah, do whatever you want. To going down on our scabs. Little God damn it, Stroke. You always take it just one step too far. Fucking nasty bitch. They were. They were only busted. They were only busted after they landed in Southern California and tried to hijack another plane while they were there.

54:37 Yeah, so maybe don't fly planes on meth, dude. But they he's out on bond. How do you hijack a plane in general? Like did they just steal a plane? Yes, like a small, like a, like a private plane. They were. They stole a plane from Washington and flew to Southern California. Does this guy have any pilot skills whatsoever like in his past? He just said fuck it, I, I, I played video games. I can do this. I. Could not find the answer to that because I was hella curious. Also I was curious about like what penalties homeboy was facing and and it's called a FUI instead of a DUI so flying under the influence. Oh. That's great. So if he Yup, if he actually had a pilot's license, it's gone forever now. And if he transported so since he did transport the plane across state lines, that alone carries a penalty of 10 years at least in prison.

55:32 And 250,000. Yeah, fuck right it was got to be good meth. Jesus Christ. Like what would in your right mind would you know, take get you there? You said Washington. Is that where it came from? Yeah, Washington State. Maybe, maybe the meth in Washington sucks compared to the meth in Southern California. And there were even if we. Look at the cons of this story, as we always want to look at the negative. Are there any Yes, that keeps you awake? So you know you want a pilot that's awake. Sounds like a pro to me, not a con. Pro for sure A. Pro min. It's a pro. Yeah, a pro. Oh. OK. Yeah, well, he's, he's gonna be, I guess his aircraft piracy. So he's looking at closer to 20 years from what I could find so. You're an aircraft.

56:16 Pirate well. Yeah, it's a pretty good hang on. If he were, I would say if you to be an aircraft pirate, you'd have to board a plane that's already in the air and take it over and then and then drive it to wherever, like just stealing. Off the ground. Stealing off the ground. I'm like, Nah, are you really a pirate? Let's not just throw that word around and not have it mean anything, because I hold that word very, very dearly. We're going to use it use it properly. Yeah, we got a guy scratching his face, you know, teeth missing and scabs on his face. I'm taking this over. If he has a pirate, he'd be scab beard. Scab beard.

56:59 Alright, this next story is going to gross you out or you might get hard, I don't know. But I know you boys have heard the phrase from rags to riches right? So how about? Never been there. From the Pew to the pavements. Because that's exactly what this old lady did. 73 year old escort Miss Caroline V has recently found her way into the spotlight after sharing her unique pathway through life. After practicing celibacy due to her strict Christian beliefs, Caroline decided to separate herself from religion by exploring dating apps and the swinging scene. At the ripe age of 57. Facing repossession of her home, she turned to sex work, initially exploring phone sex and adult videos before finding her niche in escorting. Now 73 years old, here's Miss.

57:48 Caroms. Oh yeah, You know that shit? You know that shit was tight. Oh my God, like at first, like when she first started doing it, like in the when she was in her 50s and she was like, fucking I'm ready. I gotta, I'll be honest, 73 nice rack. I. Mean that's that that that bra's doing a lot of heavy lifting. They probably just fall to the floor, but still. She's not a tractor. Well, she's. Had over three Mikey I mean come on she's. Even for 73 I've seen hot 73 year old, she's not attractive. She's no Mar. What's her name? Martha. Stewart Yeah. Now you, you put Martha Stewart up there. It's a whole different thing, Lord. What she's had over 2000 clients and one is even young as 20 years old.

58:38 Yeah, I I read part of this article. 18 year olds are trying to hit it. They have granny finishes. No, it's because it's like a joke. Like they're all just fucked a couple fucking goofy dudes sitting around with their friends. Go fuck that grandma. How much you guys pitch in? Pitch in. I want to go get a blowjob from granny. It's called a Gumby shakes your teeth out. I want. To take this entire episode and just take clips and said who said it like we used. To. Do you know what's funny is Mandy Will? I know. She, she sends me a time for a time code and a phrase just for what we done. Like she's she, she wants to us to play it again. So she's sending me hey, Stroke said this. Make sure you put it in the next game. I got it, yeah. That's good, makes it easy for you well. Good for granny, got to Lube it up first. I know it's not.

59:24 Getting voice for me. Yeah, right. She's living her life. She's living her best life. She's out. She's horned up. She's got her home. Let her fucking. I ain't judging her. She's just in your bed with a great, I call it a great poodle. You know her Beagle Hairy. Literally everyone. Should have a whole face. Hers just came much, much, much, much later. For God's sake, yeah, she was earning like 4000 a month at her peak at her prime. 5000 a month at her prime. This is her prime. Apparently apparently people want to fuck a granny. That's like you said, it might be a fetish, but smash. So my my main question here is Smasher Pass I. Don't want to answer that question. Well, I'm not allowed to answer that question. Yeah, well, I have to pay her.

1:00:06 Is she paying me? No, you got to pay for her. She's an escort. The. Pass. I was single and horny as fuck. Maybe, but no matter how horny or single I am, I'm never going to. Talk about fucking old ladies. But how horny would you really have to be for that? Used to be really fucking horny. Really. Like, you got to be like basically somebody who's never going to get laid or never had sex before, I would think probably where you were molested by old ladies when you were a kid. And I have a Cutty Miss. Ethel, stop. Let's talk about the chicken lady for a second. Well, shall we? Oh yeah, smoked. That was different. I was like 14 and she was 37 years old.

1:00:48 I can't help. I was technically raped by the law, but I didn't complain. Oh my God, you poor thing. No, don't, don't say that. No, no, no, no. It wasn't a poor thing. It was he. Was happy about it, yeah, yeah. Apparently I was. I was involved in the affair too. It was bad in a trailer. In a trailer. Like this story just gets it's such bad, it's. Like it's worse and worse. They raise the fight, yeah. Every time we learn something new about this story, it's like peeling the layers of an onion of stroke. I'm learning a lot. Yeah, I hope my family don't listen 'cause they will beat her ass if she's still alive, they'll. Say, isn't your wife in the room listening to this? Well, she already knows that that I was molested at 14 by a chicken lady. So we talked about all this before we got married.

1:01:31 That's one of those things, this conversation you have before you go. Yeah, she just asked a lot of questions about it. I'm like, yeah, she touched my penis. She's like, come inside. I'm like okay all. Right. Yeah, I, I hope this wasn't like first date because it's just like, yeah, I like long walks on the beach, Italian food, and I was molested. No. Chicken Lady. No, I don't know what date it was on, but second date was the mouse on the trampoline. Second date. I feel like that's quite. Not we already talked about this. We had already fucked. You got to just yeah, next day you just got to show when you're not as hard and just bounce it off your balls when you. Just cannot do it if you haven't fucked yet. That is a big no no of. Course or just don't do whatever.

1:02:13 That's that's what I'm going to do is never do that ever. That's where I'm at. I see there's no reason. This week I got 3 messages people going I'm going to do it and I never heard their like the results of IT. People want they were going to try it. I yeah, good luck if. You're one of those people that left us a comment or a confession about doing it. Can you follow up please and let us know how it went it? Was a follow up, yeah. If you're with your wife for 20 years, it don't matter. But I mean if you first time just bounce it, you got that. That is balls. We forgot to ask because Jen was getting her freak on on the sex cruise. Has Kyle ever done the mouse on the trampoline? Oh yeah, he, he, he harasses me with his Dick dances all the time. It's all. It seems like he seems like the type of guy he really. Does I?

1:02:55 Was got a song he like has a little song you know I'm. Not saying that in a bad way or anything. He seems a swooze. Some guy is waving his Dick around in the wind. It doesn't matter I'm. Looking good. I'm looking for a song. I don't, I don't know what song he got. He's he's got his own. It's, it's his own song. It's like. He's helicoptering why he's doing it. Or whatever. Whatever the mood strikes. Sometimes he'll push it against the glass. Even not hard. Even not hard. He just. Even not no. No, that's confident. Yeah. Come on, you've seen me when I'm cold. Well, so apparently, according to Jen, it's very pretty. It is a pretty one. Congratulations for his pretty penis.

1:03:36 Good job, Kyle. I'm. Not either. I'm I'm. I'm not. I'm not plotting that. I am, I'm, I'm proud of it. I like him. He's a nice guy. I'm I'm. I'm. Glad. You're proud of his pretty cock, I'm sure you're jealous. That was like when I was like, I was like 21, this girl goes, I only date black guys. I didn't know I was 1% black then. And I was like, well, I'll paint it. I had a sharpie. I had a Sharpie. You know, I said I was at a club. I was like, I'll paint it black. But yeah. That's you're not going. To yeah, I couldn't addict it and add up. Yeah, the color. Might match but the the Dick don't add up like you say. All right. I got 1. Mandy, remind me to put that in.

1:04:16 Who said it? The Dick don't add up. Dick don't add up. My brother, if you walk around, I'm like, yeah, I only got 1%. I wish I had got like 50%. I had more Dick, but no. Yeah, but with your luck it wouldn't end up there and end up sometimes like a bread and nose or something like. An Asian Dick. Asian Dick we like can't find it. It's rice, Dick. Did stroke just admit to having an Asian Dick or? No, I don't have an Asian Dick, I just have an I think I just have an average white man Dick and I apologize to the Asians. Don't write me. I can't read your tic tac toe board shit. Wow. Also, I don't even know, like I I said before, I don't even know how big Asian Dicks get 'cause they're always blurred out. All Asian genitalias are blurred men and. Women like the little dot.

1:05:03 Yep. They're little. You can see a couple that are on blurred. They're small. You notice how it's always those 3 white, black and Asian. No one ever talks about Hispanic Dick. No, I want to, I'm, I'm, I'm like half Italian. We got thick Dicks. Yeah, I'm Italian too. We should all know a little less about each other, I think. You should know more. I think that there's a lot of things that you guys still don't know about me. Italians aren't really a race, you know what I mean? Yeah, they're, they're a nationality. Well, we play a game Jiddle loved to Co host it. We'll just put a Dick on the screen. Be like. We. Won't guess the race.

1:05:49 Other than black because we got black. What's the nationality? It is Black History Month. We just put black cocks on the screen. Oh. My God. My my my last story is about a lady who married her dog, so that was interesting. I didn't really get to talk much about stroke and Christina's elopement, but seemed like that was awesome for everybody there. But tie that to this fucking dog story. Can you shut the fuck up? What the? Fuck are. You talking really interested in how you fucking just put that, Yeah. Paint us a picture with your imagination. It was you go from. Peanut butter if you're asking. It's pretty good.

1:06:32 I like it. So this is she's actually a singer. Her name is Jenny Lewis. She celebrated her 50th birthday by marrying her cockapoo Bobby Rhubarb and and yes, home girl married her dog. Oh my God, that's really her. That's really her. And in a statement to her friends, Jenny said Dating is just so tough, especially as you get older, and I'm fed up. I'm trying to find the right person, so I'm marrying. My dog is. That a fucking snake on the ground? Oh no, it's a leash. Never mind, my bad, it's a leash. So the two were joined by several delusional friends and family in an intimate backyard ceremony, and some of her bandmates even put on a special performance.

1:07:13 Jenny wore traditional wedding dress and Bobby Rhubarb donned a flower necklace. It's there were two rainbow cakes and lots of delusion. Did they consummate? Did they? Did they do? It. I don't want to know. I don't. Know you know that sounds like a 1990 early 2000s radio DJ named Cockapoo Tonight, Cockapoo 7 to 97. To 9 aftershock. What the fuck we're bringing in Cockapoo? If you if you marry an animal that to me, that's just one step away from bestiality, lock this lady up, there's something fucking wrong with. Her fucking weird. Not just her. Humanity was a mistake and that and this very much Yeah, I I don't want to live on this planet anymore. That dog's like, I don't want to lick it no more. Just remove peanut butter just ain't doing dog. She's got to be on a list somewhere now, right? I mean it's funny you said that she was a singer like and if we didn't know this in advance, Mikey could have got some of her fucking music like that other country bitch and read the comments 'cause I get 'cause if she's marrying a dog I guarantee her her music ain't shit.

1:08:22 Daddy Cockapoo. That's your fault, Ian. You're right, I take responsibility for that one actually. That woman looks like a bitch. No shit. She's like, I don't really like that song and fuck you like she just reminds you of just a cunt. She actually talk shit to people too like if you go read the comments and on her thing and people talk she responds back to people who talk. Shit to her. Didn't Ian leave a Didn't Ian say he was going to leave a comment? Did you leave a comment?

1:09:08 I did, but I'm not going to scroll through to find it. I basically said hang it up you waiter's nightmare. Waiter's nightmare. Wow. She doesn't like a waiter who's like, this is my career, but it's like I'm 80 years old. Like you need to she. Looks like somebody who's complained to a manager about her her her food and but ate the entire thing. Yeah, Yep. It was the whole. Thing then complained. No, I see her as like my career went nowhere and I'm just a waitress for 80 years. That's what I see her as. I'm sorry, what is this? Play the song I just want to look at. Her don't play the song. So terrible haircut do it just to piss people off. No.

1:09:50 Harry, we just did it. I know, but. Yeah, I mean, I could see her being one of those like, 'cause I've worked in like at least three restaurants in my life, there's always one that's been doing it. Way to like the the chicken waiting. She's been working here way too long. Yeah, she's gonna give you a half ass blowjob just like her. She looks kind of like a guppy with that mouth like that. A little guppy mouth. She is not an attractive lady, that's for sure. No, not singing. Either she's terrible. Before you talk shit about us, we would love it. Think that's her? Yeah, we would love that. Please. We're not attractive people either. Feel free to talk. Well, Jen is the three of us for. Yourself I'm sexy as hot we're. Hot, come on. Also, if if we want if she wants to go to war, let's fucking go. Come on, Brenda, bring it on.

1:10:36 Picture my. God, we you know what? I didn't think we're hot, but look at 98 Rocks staff. Oh. Jesus Christ. No shit, right? Damn, we got Rainbow Warrior? And old dude. And then the other fat dude in the afternoon. Radio people are ugly, no doubt, sure, but these people, but these people are the ugliest group of people on the radio that I've ever seen. I think they're midday girl. I don't know anything about her or what she even looks like, so I can't say, but they're morning dude. His he goes by the name of Neanderthal or whatever his name fits him is all I could say like literally. And then there's like you said, the Rainbow Warrior. And then the guy who's like the guy in the afternoon is a nice dude, but he's huge.

1:11:19 He's a big man. Like he's 6 or probably 300 lbs is a big dude. The only thing I ever see you talk about was food. I'm like, well, that fits. It's. Just like it's just like with the the rainbow. And I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being gay. Be gay, fuck, suck and lick whatever the hell you want. But does that have to be your whole identity? No. Yeah, that's 'cause it's stupid. That's like, that's all it is. It's just, it's just being gay. I'm like go get a hobby flat kite. I wouldn't even let her lick my pussy if I had one to be honest with you. Christ, Oh my God. Who? Brenda or Rainbow Warrior? Rainbow Warrior. That's. What I say you got, you got to pick one to lick, to kill pussy if you had one.

1:12:02 Brenda Oh, I got to pick between those two. I feel like the bringable warrior would be better, yeah. She's got more experience. Yeah, I'd probably just shoot myself. You got a gun now? Yeah, I was going to say nothing. It don't have to be anything fancy. I'm only going to use it once. Yeah, I told Christina last night, she says my skin's so soft. I said, you know what? If we were lesbians I'd we would scissors so good because I don't work hard. My God, these are me Timbers. I would. I'd scissors the shit out of her. Jesus, you know what? I have a damn problem. We have to help somebody with SO. Got a problem? What the hell is your problem?

1:12:42 Maybe we can help. I felt I had a problem. What's your damn problem? I would. I legitimately think this might be the most unhinged show we've had in a while. Literally was just going to say something like that, that you have been listening this whole show. We have a lot of fucking problems. There's definitely something wrong with us. And it's because Jen's back and we appreciate it. We're we're whole again. So it's her fucking fault. It's. You know that way. Seems that way. Maybe Nikon is right. No, just we felt a little off without her. No. We needed someone to balance those because she'd she was still listening but she was calling us but she was calling us out every podcast she heard. She's like what the fuck why y'all talking about Dick sucking for an hour?

1:13:24 Immediately just talking about Dicks. Sorry, it strokes. All right, so we got, I'm just going to do one damn problem. This came in from an, an e-mail that we got, I think it was obviously just two days ago, says Anonymous. So they don't want me to put their name in there even though I can see her name. Anyway, it says I am a newly single man after 25 years of marriage. Back to the dating scene, kinda. I recently met a woman at a Shinedown concert and we hit it off, exchanged numbers and have hung out a lot ever since. We haven't done anything sexual other than kissing and flirtation. We will call her M. She's single, she's never been married, no kids, she's hot as fuck. Cord in the sky now goes on, says I At work, the PM for my project and I started a friendship and has blossomed into something much more.

1:14:14 We've had sex numerous times and have great deep, deep and meaningful conversations. We are not exclusive when we keep our relationship quiet while at work, maintaining professionalism. She is divorced, has two young girls, and is cute as a button. We'll call her A. I like the wild side and hotness of girl M but appreciate the calm, loving demeanor of girl AI. Have feelings for both of them. I'm seeking inputs and quotes, professional used loosely. Who says advice or opinions on which basket I should put all my eggs in? Basically I'm wanting relationship advice from anonymous. What you guys got? You pick girl #2 because if you liked girl #1 enough, there wouldn't be a girl #2. Exactly.

1:14:58 So are you saying well? Whoever you met 2nd and started whoever you met second. So the girl to sign the signed out concert girl probably is what I don't. Know the timeline. Well, it seems like he if he's had a, it seems like the girl. So, well, OK, let's let's say that you've been like, OK, you've been fucking the girl from work for a while. Then you'd be this girl at Shinedown concert and you start talking to her, pick her. Because if you were fucking somebody and you wanted to, and you're not being exclusive with girl #1 and you're already talking to girl #2, girl #1 deserves better than that. And she's got kids, you know, like you, you don't wanna, especially when you've been in a relationship. Like what do you say 25 years he was in a relationship? Yeah, he was. Yeah, He's newly single, 25 years of marriage. Slow down, slow down.

1:15:41 Don't don't be putting all your eggs. Don't don't put all your eggs in either basket. To be honest, that's my. Yeah, don't put your eggs in any basket or put your eggs in all the baskets. Yeah, but be honest about it. Be honest about it. That's all. I mean, I wouldn't, I wouldn't lock myself down if I had. Like if Kyle, God forbid. And, you know, we've been together 15 years and 25 years. If I'm newly single. I am not jumping into anything. There are other people that. Do. You know, I, I don't know, I just, I think it's, it's not a good choice to go either way. And if you're going to like, still sleep with both of them or see both of them, be honest and let them make their decision too, you know?

1:16:23 I think you just, yeah, I think you got to be honest with these two people and but not be with any either one of them, like officially, yeah. And be single in your life. Yeah, do a reality show called Pussy Hunter and just go out and fuck. Would watch the shit out of that. Is that not on? Is that not a Pornhub? Thing no, but a Dick hunters is different. I've never searched up Dick hunters. And I never will. No, I. Have no desire to do that. Oh, man, dude, I don't know, man. I, I, I think I'm kind of, I hate to say this, but I think I'm kind of with Ian on that. Like where you should if you're going to pick a girl and you want to you're trying to find a way place to put all your eggs in, it should be probably the second girl. Assuming you want a relationship, you're just hoeing around.

1:17:09 Don't think either, but it sounded like you were trying. You were having this, you know, crisis of faith where you don't know which one to pick. If you're trying to get into a relationship, pick #2 if you want to hoe around. Maybe not though, actually. Pick 345 and 6. I don't give a shit. Let me let me another. I think about this, though, If he if girl #2 the Shinedown concert, she's just hot and he she has this wild energy about her. That's bad. That's not the girl you that's not going to be the girl you want to be in a relationship with. Like that's I think you I. Think you've gone through a midlife crisis? And since you've never done anything with this bitch yet, you have time to kind of get out of that and put all your eggs in the basket of the woman who is divorced, who has the kids, if that's what you're looking to do. And you want to settle down because it sounds like that's what he wants.

1:17:51 Because he's asking whose eggs, you know, what basket of Paul's eggs in. And I think the one that you work with, yeah, it sounds more serious. Help. Me to make it. But this is me, not him. I don't know this guy. How old are the are the kids? Like, are you gonna are are OK, So you're gonna you're gonna step in and be a stepdad? I mean, is that what you want to do? Well, that's a good point. Yeah, 'cause if you jump in like you're not just, you're not just with her, you're with those kids. Yeah, it's a big commitment. Go see, just go have fun and then and then let it sugar itself out. Life sometimes just has a way of just making things work. Yeah, throw your Dick around, Yeah. That's the show we're going to make. It's called Throw Your Dick Around. I'm not Dick Hunter.

1:18:35 Dick throwers. No, it's pussy hunter. Pussy Hunter. That's that's on HBO. That's. What I say if there if there was a show called Pussy Hunter, I think it already exists. It's called Californication. Hey, did you guys see Speaking of shows, did you guys see that Netflix now has podcasts on there? I did they'll. Never pick us up. I can't. I don't think I didn't already fucking look to see how we could submit our podcast from. Netflix how do? We do that. We, we, we would need like an agent and all that others. Not that I don't have an agent, but our agent. Say, don't you have an agent? Why is he not working for us? He's strictly just voice over stuff. So we need a new agent. Yeah, we need a new agent. This guy sucks. We could get an entertainment agent who would pitch us to the you know, if we somebody wouldn't believed in US.

1:19:18 Oh my. God, why wouldn't America want to hear this shit? I agree, we already are America's loudest podcast put us on Netflix. Yeah, we don't sit, we don't sit around and script our like a lot of these shows, these PDS go script it and you tell the joke here and you tell the joke here. We're just fucked up people. I. I don't believe that America does want to hear us. They just don't know we're here. Yeah, I know. I agree. That's what it takes. God, we'll be marketing. Today I can sort. Of protesters to show like come on, I want a bunch of little midges to show up, a little popsicle sticks just like I fucking hate you like a fucking hate you too, you little fuck. We just got tickets last night, like as a gift from our favorite bartender at our favorite karaoke place for the Midget wrestling. I love it. Measure them, bring your measuring tape. They lie to you.

1:20:01 A lot of them is over the 4.9. Just considered a Midget. We learned that with a kiss, and then I watched one here. Yeah, fuck. You let me. I'm going to imagine you. You're not. Wrestle 1. I had to wrestle one years and years ago. I'm like this motherfucker ain't no midge. Like that's a midge. That's not that. That guy. Guy was like at least like 411, four, 12 or like 5 feet. Well, you lying ass. They were just trying to peddle the roster. And that's when Ian got his ego. He's like, oh, beat up a mood. Shit. Oh, 5th grader. I think would whip your ass. They did. They're squirrely fuckers. I'll. Tell you.

1:20:46 Yeah, well, the one on wrestled, he was like he was, he was a Mexican Midget wrestler. He hit me with that chalupa drop. I was done. Like my back hurt. You should ask him, they get so much. Pussy. That's what he called the move. It was a finishing move called the Chalupa drop. I was done, dude. Drop. I'm done. You should go see him. They they fucking they fuck, they fuck the shit out of. Women, Oh yeah, like because, because, after, because after the show, usually these places have these events happening like bars or whatever, and they'll walk around and women will just throw their fucking pussy at these guys. It is amazing. I guess it's because they're like a maybe a bucket list thing, which, fine, whatever. Hey get get it on. Would you ever? Do you want to sleep with a if?

1:21:28 You were single? God no. You're single, obviously. Yeah. No, no, no thanks. I wonder. But I do wonder are there are their Dicks normal size or little size? Don't make me ask our sponsor, ChatGPT. Chat. GPT you go to Pornhub and look, but I'm not going to do that. I'm going to start saying that by the way, until ChatGPT actually sponsors us and be like, I'm going to jump on our sponsor ChatGPT and see. If you've been, see if tell them what. Am I asking our? Midget penises, average Midget penis. I think we're not supposed to say Midget, but I don't give a fuck. It's Midget. Fine people, Mcnugget, whatever. People Mcnugget.

1:22:09 All right, let's see. Let's see. They're usually around. They're usually pretty small. It gave me a weird answer. Just go to pornhub and look up Midget porn. Well, I don't want. To look up Midget porn. I'll take one for the team. That a girl. That's called dedication. I'm trying to use our sponsor Chad GBT to look up the size of Midget Dicks. What you want me to do here, Midget? Dick want you to not do that. You know what's way way creepier is like a dude hooks up with a little Midget woman. It seems really pedophilish, but if a woman says she fucked a little Midget dude.

1:22:50 Yeah, I kind of got that. It's like he's old enough, but even if the woman's 30, it sounds a little pedophilish. It's like like I'm not saying that you belong on a list, but like like it's list adjacent because you're like you're clearly attracted to like small people. I don't know, but I get what you're saying. Your Dick looks. Bigger than your hands. It says that they're pretty average size, so like, really, you know, 5 inches or whatever, Yeah. Oh wouldn't that suck to me in a gangbang in the Midget pulls out a bigger Dick than you. Jen looks disgusting. Don't show. Us. They're little. No, I'm not going to show you. No one needs to. See that penises? Because those are really small. Yeah, and of course you're. A fucking liar. Oh God, that's.

1:23:31 All right, that's enough of this. Go to midgetcock.com. If it's not. If it's. Not a website, it should be. Go to nottds.com and grab yourself the brand new shirt that is available for this month. The true love doesn't knock. That is your Valentine's Day Black History Month shirt we should have. Made one in pink. We can. Probably change the color if we want to or whatever, but this is the this month's shirt is available right now, not at tds.com. We have, like I said, we revamped the store a little bit. I say we, my wife revamped the store a little bit. The logos were freshened up, everything looks good. He grabbed a new what the fuck is NTDS sticker and start posting those all over the place too so that people can scan it and be like what is NTDS? Well, that's it, I'm done. TDs.

1:24:13 Yeah, and the more people that subscribe on Spotify and on Patreon, the closer we'll get to being able to have these Muppets made of us. And they'll be doing the whole show. We won't. Even for our next event, can this be the poster that everybody signs, 'cause I, I'm, I'm down to have this on my wall. Yeah, this poster isn't bad when you remake it and I don't look like I have Down syndrome. I'm totally you're fucking dude. We're all puppets, dude. We all have the same expression. We're fucking puppets. Get over it. I don't like it. Put a hat on me. I don't. I don't like. Your mouth is so big. That's what I'm saying. Oh, Jen, you're just so big. Well, actually if this is terrible. Tell you. What you all are in charge of grading your own fucking puppets on AI and then give them to me and then I'll fucking put them back in and.

1:24:57 Leave it up for a fucking vote. No, not a vote. You bring your get your own fucking puppet picture and then give it to me and then I'll put it. I'll put it in that picture for you if you're all going to bitch. OK. All right. Are you OK, Mikey? I'm fine. Have a nice night everybody. Join Spotify, join Patreon, support the show. We'll see you on Thursday for our one year birthday party show, which means absolutely nothing, but we'll see you on Thursday. Hey, this was really fun. We hope you liked it too. You know, we've had a lot of laughs tonight. Seems like we've just begun when suddenly we're through. I'll tell you what's not funny. Bye. Goodbye, good friends, goodbye. Killing strippers. Because now it's time to go.

1:25:40 Strippers are people too, naked people who may be willing to pleasure you for a price you negotiate later, behind the curtain in the VIP room. We'll see you very soon. On Mashiah, just no need to kill. Him very soon, I know because. Most of them are already dead inside. Goodbye everyone, bye. Good friends, goodbye.